Gay Marriage is Not Right (It’s Fabulous)

Of course homosexuality is a crime against nature! After all, it never occurs among wild animals. It certainly doesn’t happen in every human culture. It isn’t even physically possible for two humans of the same sex to have sexual intercourse. How can they have any kind of relationship without sexual intercourse? It’s ridiculous! Barber & Staver have it exactly right:

Yes! We are able to see the natural law that governs the universe. It’s right there, in plain sight: No Gay. The founding fathers and mothers put people to death for that behavior. Well, not the founding mothers, because they had to stay home and die in childbirth. The death penalty may be going a little too far, but they had the right idea. We should, nay, must preserve the sanctity of marriage, exactly as it is defined in the U.S. Constitution.

We will get back to you on the link to that Constitution thing, as soon as we find the exact reference. Speaking of sanctity, here is the Deity’s position on marriage:

Please, brethren and sistren, we must stand strong together, but not that close together. Keep at least a hand’s-breadth apart, especially if you’re not standing boy-girl-boy-girl. We must resist any change to the perfect morality of our society that was evident in those golden days when our Constitution was drafted.

 Title image credit: WRBZ.
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