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  • Hot: That New Joe Biden Ad. Not: FIGHTING A AUDIENCE, JOE.
    This is not a post about supporting Joe Biden or not supporting Joe Biden or anything like that. We are already tired of your fucking circular firing squad, and at this point, we just hope somebody survives it and has the energy/reputation left to beat Trump next November.But hey, did y'all see that Joe Biden ad that dropped last night, capitalizing on world leaders at NATO mocking and LOLing at Donald Trump, about how the entire world is laughing at our dumbass president, with alllll those clips of Trump getting laughed at by everybody who ever lived? It is a good fuckin' ad! It is the kind of ad every Dem who can afford it should be running right now, not least because it'll get right under Trump's thin loserbaby skin.Watch: Laughed At | Joe Biden for President GOOD JOB, BIDEN CAMPAIGN.Now on another Joe Biden subject entirely ... An old guy at an event in Iowa today asked Biden about his son's work in Ukraine. It was very both-sides-y "Trump's messin' around in Ukraine, but so are you" horseshit. He said Biden "sent" his son Hunter to Ukraine, and that Hunter was "selling access" to President Obama, and he knew this because he seen it on the Fox News! And yes, that is all obvious bullshit and Fox News lies to its viewers and it's been roundly debunked. But Biden's response was to ... call the guy a "damn liar." John McCain reassuring Granny Metamucil Farts that Barack Obama is not a terrorist Ay-Rab it was not.When the guy sort of questioned whether Biden might be slightly too #OldBalls to run for president, Biden challenged him to do some push-ups with him. When the guy backed off accusing Biden of doing bad things in Ukraine, Biden told him to "get your words straight, Jack!" The guy told Biden he heard about Biden doing bad besmirches in Ukraine on MSNBC too. Joe said THE FUCK YOU DID. The guy told Joe, "it looks like you don't have any more backbone than Trump does!"Obviously not the most ideal voter interaction of all time? Joe Biden to voter: You're a damn liar, man Now, to be fair ... Giphy Maybe Joe Biden saw that guy comin'. Maybe he has seen that guy before. Maybe he knew it was just James O'Keefe wearing an "old" suit.But still, Joe, GODDANGIT.We want you to push back on this bullshit! We are impeaching Trump for it, fergodsake.But like ... not this way? Because, like, there are cameras on you all the time at these events and it's just not generally good practice to try to challenge voters to meet you behind the gym after fifth period?Maybe instead of "YOU are a damned liar," try "SEAN HANNITY is a damned liar." And explain why! Maybe instead of "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A PUSH-UPS CONTEST," try challenging them to do trust-falls or something? Or, like, avoid physical conflict/contact entirely?We are just spit-balling here. Anyway, really fuckin' good ad. When we saw it, it was literally the first time in this entire primary where we actually felt like Biden was actually in this game.Now STOP VERBALLY ABUSING VOTERS, JOE.The end. And OPEN THREAD.Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000Now who do you know who needs a JOE BIDEN FIGHT MUG?
  • Naming And Shaming The 71 House Republicans Who Just Took Russia's Side In Ukraine War
    Rachel Maddow's Wednesday night show alerted us to a little vote that happened in the House this week that most didn't notice, what with Trump crying himself to sleep on Air Force One after Justin Trudeau made fun of him, and oh yeah, impeachment. The House voted this week on H.R. 546 -- just a simple resolution, really. It was introduced by Democratic Rep. Albio Sires of New Jersey and says NO, Donald Trump, you cannot try to sneak your boyfriend Vladimir Putin back into the Group of Seven (G7), not even as a guest and definitely not as a member, no matter how much he begs and/or promises you more sweet election interference in 2020. (As Yahoo! News notes, Russia decided to quit the group for good in 2017, because of how they definitely don't want to be invited to your party, you fuckin' betcha no they never. Yahoo! News also reports that French President Emmanuel Macron actually agreed with Trump at the NATO summit that they should invite Russia to the G7 next year as a guest. Emmanuel, WHAT R U DOIN?) It passed, of course. But 71 (71!) House Republicans voted against it. Here is a Wonkette treason paraphrase of the resolution, because our treason paraphrases are less boring-er than actual House resolutions, which include almost zero cusses: WHEREAS Russia invaded Ukraine in 2014 and stole Crimea; and WHEREAS That's the whole reason Russia was kicked out of the G7 to fuckin' begin with; and WHEREAS Last time we checked Russia still has its dick planted in Ukraine's dirt and continues to do war to Ukraine; and WHEREAS Donald Trump will not fucking shut up about how much he wants to let Putin back into the G7, because of how Trump pretty much supports the Russian invasion of Ukraine and "doesn't give a fuck about Ukraine" unless it's investigating the Bidens for him; THEREFUCKINGFORE the House says nope, not gonna happen, and calls on all the leaders in the G7 to keep Russia out unless Russia 1) leaves Ukraine and 2) stops attacking all the democracies in the world. Like we said, it is a simple resolution. And a good one!As Maddow noted last evening, in the halcyon days of the Trump administration (LOL "halcyon"), though Republicans did everything they're doing now to snuggle up to and worship Donald Trump, they still would take the side of America occasionally, especially when it came to things like Russian sanctions. Hell, in July of 2017, the Republican-controlled House passed a metric fuckton of new sanctions against Russia, a bill that specifically said that if Trump wanted to even think about lifting a sanction, he had to ask Congress's permission. The vote? 419-3. The vote in the Republican-controlled Senate? 98-2. Now, in a Democratic-controlled House, on a resolution to continue punishing Russia for its still-ongoing invasion of Ukraine -- the country Trump is being impeached right now for bribing for investigations in exchange for military aid in order to help his 2020 re-election -- the vote was 339-71. Congratulations to the 116 Republicans who did vote for it. Here at Wonkette, we believe in naming and shaming, so here is a list of the 71 Republicans who voted against the resolution. (All the Dems present voted for it. Tulsi Gabbard did not show up.) One name you'll note that's not on the list? Devin Nunes! Even a stopped cow is right once a day, as the old expression goes! Also missing is Louie Gohmert. For real! Jim Jordan is definitely on the list, though. Is your Republican congressman? If so, you need to call their office and yell at them even more than you usually do. 1. Ralph Abraham (LA-05) 2. Robert Aderholt (AL-04) 3. Rick Allen (GA-12) 4. Brian Babin (TX-36) 5. Jack Bergman (MI-01) 6. Fucking Andy Biggs (AZ-05) 7. Gus Bilirakis (FL-12) 8. Rob Bishop (UT-01) 9. Dan Bishop (NC-09) 10. Kevin Brady (TX-08) 11. Mo Brooks (AL-05) 12. Ken Buck (CO-04) 13. Ted Budd (NC-13) 14. Michael Burgess (TX-26) 15. Buddy Carter (GA-01) 16. The Congressman from "Hee-Haw," Doug Collins (GA-09) 17. James Comer (KY-01) 18. MIke Conaway (TX-11) 19. Rick Crawford (AR-01) 20. Warren Davidson (OH-08) 21. Scott DesJarlais (TN-04) 22. Jeff Duncan (SC-03) 23. Neal Dunn (FL-02) 24. Drew Ferguson (GA-03) 25. Chuck Fleischmann (TN-03) 26. Jeff Fortenberry (NE-01) 27. Fucking Matt Gaetz (FL-01) 28. Greg Gianforte (MT) 29. Bob Gibbs (OH-07) 30. Lance Gooden (TX-05) 31. Congressdentist Paul Gosar, whose whole family un-dorsed him for re-election in 2018 (AZ-04) 32. Tom Graves (GA-14). Wow, lots of Georgians here acting as Putin's assets! Of course they'd probably say it's really about "states' rights" or something. 33. Glenn Grothman (WI-06) 34. Michael Guest (MS-03) 35. Andy Harris (MD-01) 36. Kevin Hern (OK-01) 37. Jody Hice (GA-10) 38. Clay "WHAR BOXES?" Higgins (LA-03) 39. Richard Hudson (NC-08) 40. Jim Jordan (OH-04 and also the Ohio State gym) 41. John Joyce (PA-13) 42. Trent Kelly (MS-01) 43. Steve King (IA-04). To be fair, Russia has a lot of white supremacists, so. 44. Doug LaMalfa (CA-01) 45. Debbie Lesko (AZ-08) 46. Billy Long (MO-07) 47. Barry Loudermilk (GA-11). GEORGIA AGAIN! Goddamn, is Oleg Deripaska building an aluminum plant in Macon or something? 48. Thomas Massie (KY-04). Oleg Deripaska's company is definitely building a plant in Kentucky LOL. 49. Brian Mast (FL-18) 50. Mark Meadows (NC-11). Because of course. 51. Dan Meuser (PA-09) 52. Carol Miller (WV-03) 53. Paul Mitchell (MI-10, not the shampoo guy) 54. Markwayne Mullin (OK-02) 55. Greg Murphy (NC-03) 56. Ralph Norman (SC-05) 57. Steven Palazzo (MS-04) 58. Gary Palmer (AL-06) 59. Greg Pence (IN-06) 60. Scott Perry (PA-10) 61. Bill Posey (FL-08) 62. John Rose (TN-06) 63. Austin Scott (GA-08) 64. Jason Smith (MO-08) 65. Greg Steube (FL-17) 66. Chris Stewart (UT-02). You'll remember him as one of the single most obnoxious and stupid Republicans in the Intel Committee impeachment hearings. He also thinks it's super-cool for Trump to accept foreign interference in elections. GOOD MORMON BOY, THAT ONE. 67. William Timmons (SC-04) 68. Randy Weber (TX-14) 69. Rob Woodall (GA-07) Another Georgia! 70. Ted Yoho (FL-03) 71. Lee Zeldin (NY-01). Because of fucking course. So there you go! Those 71 GOP members of Congress decided this week that it would be cool to be a Russian asset, at least for the purposes of this vote. Democratic Senator Chris Murphy joked last night on Maddow that maybe they just want some of that sweet sexxxy Russian election interference for themselves. Or maybe they're just selling out America, because that's the Republican thing to do these days.RUSSIAN SHRUGGIE EMOTICON![HR 546 / roll call] Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE! Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY. How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Tucker Carlson Getting Sued For *Actual* BESMIRCH STATEMENTS
    Hey, Devin Nunes! You want to know what a real defamation suit looks like? Check out this slander claim by Karen McDougal against Fox News after Russia-loving trust-fund baby Tucker Carlson falsely accused her of extortion on live television. It's amazing what a real lawyer can do with an actual, cognizable, non-frivolous claim! She doesn't even have to dream up a bullshit explanation to park the case in some random court in rural Virginia -- she just files it where the actual injury took place. There's not a cow in sight! AMAZING, right?McDougal was one of the women who sold the story of her affair with Donald Trump to the National Enquirer in the run-up to the election, only to find that Enquirer owner David Pecker and his pet snake editor Dylan Howard had a side deal to sell the rights to Trump so he could make sure it never saw the light of day. And while we may question the judgment of a person who voluntarily chose to bump uglies with Trump, in no universe is this woman an extortionist. At no time ever did McDougal approach Trump and threaten to expose him if he wouldn't pay her off. And yet, on his show on December 10, 2018, Carlson accused her and Stormy Daniels of extorting the president while a picture of McDougal displayed on the screen:Remember the facts of the story, these are undisputed. Two women [one of which was McDougal] approached Donald Trump and threatened to ruin his career and humiliate his family if he doesn't give them money. Now that sounds like a classic case of extortion. Yet for whatever reason, Trump caves to it, and he directs Michael Cohen to pay the ransom. Now, more than two years later, Trump is a felon for doing this. It doesn't seem to make any sense. Oh, but you're not a federal prosecutor on a political mission. If you were a federal prosecutor on a political mission, you would construe those extortion payments as campaign contributions.You will be FOR SHOCKED to discover that those are not "the facts of the story." The facts are that Donald Trump initially claimed to have had no knowledge of Michael Cohen's deal to buy up all the incriminating dirt the Enquirer had collected over the years. The facts are that Pecker told SDNY that he met with Cohen in August 2015 and laid out a plan to "catch and kill" any damaging stories about Trump during the campaign, and they agreed that Trump would reimburse him after the election. The facts are that in July of 2018, Cohen released a tape of him and Trump discussing a plan to do just that, which noted serious journalist Tucker Carlson knew damn well before he shot off his mouth about it.The facts are that Pecker eventually refused to go through with the deal because his lawyers told him it probably violated campaign finance laws. The facts are that Cohen pled guilty to violating campaign finance laws and Pecker and Howard cooperated with SDNY and Mueller to avoid prosecution. The facts are that Cohen only paid Stormy Daniels himself because Pecker got squicked out about writing a check to a porn star, and now Trump is fighting the Manhattan District Attorney to halt an investigation of the reimbursement checks that got laundered, ahem, we mean routed through the Trump Organization. Those are "the facts of the case." Saying that Karen McDougal extorted Trump is not a fact -- it's A LIE. And it's about goddamn time we start holding these filthy propaganda merchants accountable for the weapons-grade bullshit they pump into America's bloodstream every hour of the day.Godspeed, Karen McDougal. Take 'em down![McDougal v. Fox News Network, LLC / NYT]Follow Liz Dye on the Tweet machine!Wonkette is SOLELY funded by YOU. Please if you are able help us pay our writers a living wage! Click below! How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Donald Trump Giving 700,000 Americans The Gift Of No Food This Christmas
    This week, the Trump administration announced that, come April, it will be implementing new work requirements for people receiving SNAP benefits, which will result in over 700,000 Americans losing said benefits and perhaps starving to death. What a lovely way to celebrate the holiday season!Under the current rules, SNAP recipients who are not disabled and who do not have children are required to work for 20 hours a week for at least three months over 36 months in order to qualify. However, states are allowed to grant areas with high unemployment a waiver. These new rules would eliminate that ability, limiting the waivers to areas with unemployment rates of 6 percent or higher. Such a rule is an especially big problem given that the gig economy tends to artificially inflate employment rates — there are a lot of people out there taking gig jobs like ride sharing or food delivery that allow them to be technically "employed" (whether they are working or not) while not actually being on a payroll. If you don't have a car, as is the case with many poor people, you can't even get one of those "gigs," anyway. Naturally, it's being presented as the Trump administration actually doing all these poor people a big favor. Via NBC:Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue and Brandon Lipps, the deputy undersecretary for the USDA's Food Nutrition and Consumer Services, spent about 18 minutes on a call with reporters outlining the changes to the rule that will take effect April 1."We're taking action to reform our SNAP program in order to restore the dignity of work to a sizable segment of our population and be respectful of the taxpayers who fund the program," Perdue said. "Americans are generous people who believe it is their responsibility to help their fellow citizens when they encounter a difficult stretch. That's the commitment behind SNAP, but, like other welfare programs, it was never intended to be a way of life."This is not about saving money — because really, this is a drop in the bucket, money-wise. It is certainly not about helping people discover "the dignity of work," as if they are idiots who are only on food stamps because they don't know they would be better off having a job. It is about a particular worldview that helps the Right retain power despite being very, very wrong about everything. People, in general, have a tendency to want believe the most appealing version of any situation. Poverty is horrifying, so people like to ignore it as much as possible. I once saw a man on Michigan Avenue, out in front of the freaking Ralph Lauren Store, with a four-inch icicle hanging off of his nose. I called 311, obviously, but imagine how many people had to walk by that guy, in the middle of the holiday season, for a four-inch icicle to be there, hanging off his nose. How many people had to force themselves to find him invisible? How many people rationalized seeing a man on his way to freezing to death with some kind of assumption about his character?When people do think about poverty, they like to think that it is something people bring upon themselves by being lazy or morally failing in some other way. They like to say things like "Whenever a homeless person asks me for money, I always go in and buy them a sandwich, because if you give them money they'll just spend it on booze" (as if you wouldn't want a drink if you were homeless), or talk sneeringly about homeless people who have rejected their sandwiches (maybe they don't like that sandwich! Maybe they're a vegetarian! Maybe some other person just bought them a sandwich! You don't know!). It's practically superstition, in a way — people like to think that as long as they are good and not lazy, it will never happen to them. That is a very comforting thought. It is a very appealing thought.Another appealing thought is the idea that if we simply stop helping poor people, they will learn to fly on their own, discover the joys of personal responsibility, and become heartwarming bootstraps tales to inspire us all. That is, truly, what this whole thing is about. It is about making people feel good, about allowing them to believe in that fairy tale. It doesn't matter that it's not true because most of the people who believe that bullshit are never actually going to meet anyone who uses SNAP or any other government program. The important thing is that they get to believe it is true. The fact is, if you are poor enough to be on food stamps, it is likely that you are practically too poor to go job hunting. Job hunting, as I learned when I was on unemployment (and thus, technically, making "too much" to qualify for food stamps), is not cheap. Also, most of the jobs you can get quickly are jobs with unpredictable hours that do not pay a living wage. This means that not only could taking one put you in a worse position financially than you are currently in, it would also prevent you from being able to interview for a better job that actually would pay you a living wage. These are the kinds of things you need to calculate when you are poor. When you don't have money, every single thing you do is a calculation, every step you take, one way or another, is a gamble. Not to mention the fact that the longer you are unemployed the harder it is to find a job, any job. Or that it's pretty hard to go job hunting or fill out a resumé when you are starving. The issue isn't that all these people are just sitting around living high off the food stamp hog (average benefits for an individual, per month, are $127), it is that we do actually just do not have enough jobs in this country for everyone to work and earn a living wage. That is the problem, and it's a much scarier and far less appealing problem than poor people just not understanding the joys of "personal responsibility." It is so, so incredibly easy to become poor in this country, for reasons having absolutely nothing to do with how good you are at doing "personal responsibility." Your boss can legally fire you for no reason. You can get sick and end up with impossibly expensive medical bills. That's what they don't want people to realize, because the second they do realize that, the harder it is to keep them in line, the harder it's going to be for politicians to keep doing things that benefit the rich and screw the poor. As long as people look at billionaires and go "that could be me!" and never look at poor people and go "that could be me!" they can get away with anything. [NBC]Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Nancy Pelosi Sticks Lump of Impeachment Up Trump's Stocking
    Yep, it's official. Nancy Pelosi is going to put Donald Trump's eye out with a shiny new Red Ryder impeachment for Christmas. The House speaker announced this morning that she would ask House Intelligence Chairman Adam Schiff to proceed with articles of impeachment against the president. She said she came to this momentous decision "sadly, but with confidence and humility, with allegiance to our founders, and a heart full of love for America." (Those are also lyrics from Pelosi's little-heard 1970s country-western album.) If this feels slightly anticlimactic, it's because even the media, which normally loves a horse race, has declared this whole process tedious and routine, like having your driver's license renewed. It's been more than 20 years. Guess we need to impeach another president. CBS NEWS: As Democrats control the House, Mr. Trump is likely to be impeached. The vote is expected to occur on party lines, as Republicans consider the impeachment inquiry an overreach by Democrats bent on undermining the president. The Republican-led Senate is unlikely to vote to remove Mr. Trump from office, however. This is hardly the roller coaster constitutional crisis we were promised. That's the downside when Republicans have, to quote Diane Chambers, the "morals of a rutting sea elephant and the intelligence of lint." Trump is not a master criminal. His misbegotten administration isn't a season of "House of Cards." If his party wasn't wholly corrupt, he'd have resigned long ago and we'd all have to endure President Mike Pence. No one's a winner in that scenario, but at least poor Nancy Pelosi wouldn't have to give a remedial civics class to remind Americans why the president shouldn't extort foreign nations for his own personal gain. Nancy Pelosi OKs drafting of impeachment articles against Trump PELOSI: Let us begin where our founders began in 1776. 'When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another.' With those words, our founders courageously began our Declaration of Independence from an oppressive monarch, for among other grievances the king's refusal to follow rightfully passed laws. The good news is that Pelosi has promoted Trump to King George III. But Trump shouldn't pop open the champagne and start knighting people. Pelosi made the comparison to reinforce why the founders crafted constitutional remedies for a president who considered themselves above the law. She was really getting her "Schoolhouse Rock" on. PELOSI: During the constitutional convention, James Madison, the architect of the Constitution, warned that a president might betray his trust to foreign powers which might prove fatal to the republic. Another founder, Gouverneur Morris, that a president may be bribed by a greater interest to betray his trust. He emphasized that this magistrate is not the king. The people are the king. They, therefore, created a constitutional remedy to protect against a dangerous or corrupt leader: impeachment. The president and his Republican stooges can't argue with this, and they're not gonna. No, they insist that behind all Pelosi's pretty words about the Constitution and the founding slave owners is just a partisan power grab. House Minority Leader and Official Trump Foot Rest Kevin McCarthy said that Democrats are "blinded by their hate for the president." This is a sore spot for Pelosi that McCarthy's poking. During a press conference today, she snatched the wig off Sinclair Broadcasting's James Rosen, who asked her if she "hated" Trump. Her response was epic.PELOSI: As a Catholic I resent your using the word "hate" in a sentence that addresses me... So don't mess with me when it comes to words like that.(Rosen is a dummy who asks a lot of stupid questions that we've yelled at him about previously.) House Speaker Nancy Pelosi: "Don't mess with me when it comes to words like that." McCarthy later claimed he had "a hard time believing" Pelosi didn't hate Trump. This is an interesting legal tactic: "We believe the Democrats harbor ill will toward the president because anyone who's ever met the guy hates him. What's the speaker hiding? Is she Vulcan or an android incapable of human emotion?"For ... reasons, Democrats aren't going to drag out impeachment through most of 2020. It's not like there's not enough material. Trump has more crimes and corruption than Prince had unreleased recordings. Senate Democrats running for president will have to return for Trump's trial when they'd rather be campaigning in states that aren't Iowa or New Hampshire. Meanwhile, Republicans will shamelessly drag Joe Biden's name through the mud. This includes his good buddy, Lindsey Graham. This doesn't seem like a winning strategy. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell mocked the Democrats for "hosting a panel of lawyers to criticize the president on television." This is not a man who is going to seriously consider any articles of impeachment the House passes. This isn't even really a man. It's a sluggish reptile in a suit who has no problem lying to the American people. McConnell claims the Democrats are the ones who don't want to pass any legislation. All they care about is impeaching the president just because he won't stop criming. These are all insulting, gaslighting lies but the media is waiting for McConnell's nose to literally grow before calling him out on them.Former federal prosecutor Francey Hakes helped the GOP rewrite history with crayons when she claimed this morning on "Fox & Friends" that Bill Clinton's 1998 impeachment was "bipartisan." This is technically correct, like when someone asks a genie to give them a "position of great power" and they wind up as Adolf Hitler at the end of World War II. Five Democrats voted to impeach Clinton, but God knows what he'd done with their wives. That's not anything close to "consensus." Republicans drove that sham process from start to finish. It's clear that Republicans are going to follow McConnell's prescription for opposing the Affordable Care Act. They will refuse to join Democrats in impeachment, regardless of the evidence, so they can deny them "bipartisan" support. They think Americans are too dumb to realize that party-line obstruction is even more partisan, and the elections of 2010, 2014, and 2016 go a long way to proving they're right. [The New York Times] Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter. Yr Wonkette is supported ONLY by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the writers paid and the servers humming. Thank you, we love you. How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000 Hey, it's the season. Who do you know who needs you to buy them this?
  • George Zimmerman, Larry Klayman Team Up To Do More Evil Sh*t To Trayvon Martin's Family, DEFINITELY AREN'T RACIST
    George Zimmerman, apparently not satisfied with having merely shot Trayvon Martin dead in 2012, is now suing Martin's family and everyone involved in the second-degree murder case against Zimmerman, even though the trial ended in Zimmerman's acquittal. But you see, decent people nationwide detest George Zimmerman, and for some crazy reason think he's a racist. Plus he can't seem to hold a job, and his attempts to make a living selling shitty racist art, signing autographs, or auctioning off the not-murder weapon haven't brought in the wealth and acclaim he clearly deserves. Surely some evildoers must be responsible for that. Couldn't be anything George Zimmerman did, because he's a very great guy. Please disregard the domestic violence. So that's why he and wingnut lawyer Larry Klayman are suing Trayvon Martin's family and a few thousand other people, demanding $100 million in damages from all those who conspired to defame Zimmerman and manufacture evidence against him and just generally ruin his life. The defendants, the suit claims, "have worked in concert to deprive Zimmerman of his constitutional and other legal rights." Oh yes, and would you believe that, by sheer coincidence, the lawsuit is based on claims in a book and "documentary" movie with the compelling title The Trayvon Hoax: Unmasking the Witness Fraud That Divided America, released in September. And the lawsuit is being flogged to media outlets by the movie's director, Joel Gilbert, who's described by the Daily Beast as "a fringe filmmaker who traffics in conspiracy theories." You don't say! A cynic might even suspect Zimmerman, Klayman, and Gilbert know the lawsuit will have every bit as much success as Klayman's other legal efforts, but that it might generate some book sales and movie downloads. But that's a very uncharitable take. Probably the book and movie are simply so full of astounding new evidence proving George Zimmerman is the real victim that Klayman and Zimmerman had no choice but to file the lawsuit, to correct the public record. All Zimmerman wants is his good reputation back. And One Hundred MILLLLLION dollars. The lawsuit names Trayvon's mother, Sybrina Fulton, as the lead defendant, accusing her and Trayvon's father, Tracy Martin, of conspiring with law enforcement to present faked testimony at Zimmerman's trial. As you'd expect in any good conspiracy story, the claims are completely batshit, as NPR details: [Zimmerman and Klayman] allege that Rachel Jeantel, a key witness for the prosecution who testified about being on the phone with Martin just before the shooting, was an impostor. They accuse her of standing in for another teenager, Brittany Diamond Eugene, whom the suit describes as Jeantel's half sister who did not want to testify in the case.Just your average everyday witness impersonation, as happens in most government persecutions of law-abiding gun owners. In addition, the suit accuses the Martin family's lawyer Ben Crump of defamation, along with Harper Collins, which published Crump's recent book, Open Season: Legalized Genocide of Colored People. For good measure, KlayZim are also suing members of the prosecution team and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, because everybody was out to frame poor George Zimmerman.How serious is this lawsuit? Every bit as serious as any other Larry Klayman joint, like when he sued Barack Obama, Louis Farrakhan, Eric Holder, Al Sharpton and Black Lives Matter for causing a race war and killing those cops in Dallas in 2016, or when he sued Robert Mueller for being mean to fellow wingnut conspiracy goof Dr. Jerome Corsi, Ph.D., or when he sued Hillary Clinton for murdering Benghazi, or that time he "convened" a "grand jury" that "indicted" "Obama," amid other great successes. Klayman has thoughts about what's sure to be his next legal triumph against the racist black peddlers of racist division, as he explained in an email to the Daily Beast: George Zimmerman seeks justice not just for himself, but for all of those others victimized by dishonest prosecutors who seek convictions to further their political and other unethical agendas to advance their careers. He also seeks justice against those who would divide the nation by pitting the races against each other for 'fun and profit,' including the Martin family attorney Benjamin Crump and his friend Al Sharpton.The Daily Beast notes, very meanly, that Sharpton isn't actually named in the lawsuit. Ben Crump, no doubt hoping for more race war, issued his own statement, saying Zimmerman continues to display a callous disregard for everyone but himself, revictimizing individuals whose lives were shattered by his own misguided actions. He would have us believe that he is the innocent victim of a deep conspiracy, despite the complete lack of any credible evidence to support his outlandish claims. This tale defies all logic, and it's time to close the door on these baseless imaginings.Ah, but what about this brilliant documentarian and investigator, Joel Gilbert? The Source of All Knowledge notes he got his start making four exhaustively fannish documentaries about Bob Dylan (reviewers: "unexceptional, sometimes amateurish," and viewers might be "hard-pressed to find a more irritatingly edited project"). After that, Gilbert plunged into rock conspiracy flicks with films titled Paul McCartney Really Is Dead: The Last Testament of George Harrison (2011) and Elvis Found Alive (2012). Gilbert retroactively labeled both "mockumentaries" after he released the film that made him a minor star among rightwingers, 2012's Dreams From My Real Father, in which Gilbert pushed the notion that Barack Obama was really the love child of commie pinko black revolutionary Frank Marshall Davis, who groomed Barry from an early age to lead the communist revolution in the USA. (The Daily Beast notes, "Gilbert accounted for the two men's lack of physical similarities by claiming Obama had plastic surgery to hide his link to Davis.")Gosh, it's almost as if there's some kind of theme running through his movies, if only we could pick it out. We'll have to ask our genetically engineered body double. Also, the Beast reveals Gilbert was involved in a couple of our favorite stupid Obama conspiracy claims! Gilbert also pushed a hoax that claimed Obama wore a ring inscribed with a declaration of Islamic faith, and that Obama's mother posed naked for fetish magazines (both claims were debunked). We fucking loved what Dr. Jerome Corsi, PhD, did with that ring nonsense! Now we know who to thank! Oh, but the Miami Herald has sad news about Gilbert's latest cinematic triumph and its surely coincidental related lawsuit!As news of the lawsuit became widely reported Wednesday, the theater rented for the screening, Coral Gables Art Cinema, announced it was canceling the event. "Coral Gables Art Cinema was not aware of all of the details surrounding this event," the theater posted on Twitter.Yeah, we figure with a title like The Trayvon Hoax: Unmasking the Witness Fraud That Divided America, the theater management had no idea what it would be like. We suppose the press conference Klayman announced in conjunction with the screening will have to be rescheduled. Wonder if Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman have any plans for Burkman's driveway this week? Update/correction: Story updated to correct the Great Filmmaker's name. It's Joel Gilbert, not "Joe." The Miami Herald misspelled it, and damned if that didn't lead Yr Dok Zoom to blip right past the correct spelling in all other sources! [Miami Herald / WaPo / Daily Beast / Photo by David Shankbone, public domain]Yr Wonkette is supported solely by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the servers humming, the writers paid, and Dok up to speed on all the crazies.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Who's Bill Barr Gotta Blow To Get Some Made-Up Conspiracy Theories About Russia Investigation For Donald Trump?
    LOL WOMP WOMP, Bill Barr's terrible horrible week of being the worst Big Lots clearance version of Roy Cohn in recorded history just keeps getting worse! The news about the upcoming Department of Justice inspector general report has been bad (for Barr) and good (for reality) all week long, as we learned the other day that Barr is very disappointed and disagreeable and probably constipated about the fact that Inspector General Michael Horowitz has determined that actually the investigation into ties between the Trump campaign and Russia was correctly predicated, and actually was not the nefarious work of a Deep State cabal hellbent on taking down Trump, actually. Now? The news is getting bad with his own Carmen-Sandiego-on-bath-salts investigation around the globe, where he appears to be seeking to manufacture fake evidence that the Russia investigation was #DeepState, and somehow thereby absolve Russia of responsibility for the 2016 election attacks, in service of his royal shitlord Donald Trump. He had to do this despite how he said the Mueller Report TOTALLY EXONERATED Trump, which makes sense, because that was a lie.Barr handpicked a US attorney to conduct the investigation for him, man by the name of John Durham, who is actually well-respected by current and former FBI/Justice types. Those guys traveled near and far to find "evidence" that the incident that kicked off the Russia investigation in the first place -- drunk-ass Trump foreign policy dude George Papadopoulos drunk-assedly drunked to an Australian diplomat that Russia was about to fuck Hillary Clinton right in the emails, which Pap knew because a weirdo bozo Maltese professor who is probably a Russian asset named Joseph Mifsud had told him so, leading the Australian government to go to the FBI -- was all some sort of Hillary/CIA/Deep State set-up to entrap the Trump campaign.John Durham cannot sign on to that theory, LOL WOMP WOMP:The prosecutor handpicked by Attorney General William P. Barr to scrutinize how U.S. agencies investigated President Trump's 2016 campaign said he could not offer evidence to the Justice Department's inspector general to support the suspicions of some conservatives that the case was a setup by American intelligence, people familiar with the matter said.Justice Department Inspector General Michael Horowitz's office contacted U.S. Attorney John Durham, the prosecutor Barr personally tapped to lead a separate review of the 2016 probe into possible coordination between the Trump campaign and Russia, the people said. The inspector general also contacted several U.S. intelligence agencies.Among Horowitz's questions: whether a Maltese professor who interacted with a Trump campaign adviser was actually a U.S. intelligence asset deployed to ensnare the campaign, the people said, speaking on the condition of anonymity because the inspector general's findings have not been made public.But the intelligence agencies said the professor was not among their assets, the people said.Golly, who's an attorney general gotta blow to get somebody to manufacture fake evidence to prop up a dipshit authoritarian president's conspiracy theories around here? Not John Durham, we guess!If the Washington Post's reporting is correct, Durham ain't got no evidence of these fever dreams cooked up by Papadopoulos and Trump and whomever else, which makes sense because there ain't no evidence of that. The Post reports that this info will come out in Horowitz's report on Monday.GOD, they've been pinning their hopes on this IG report. And GOD, they've been pinning their other hopes on the Barr-Durham dog-and-pony globe-trotting expedition, which is too a real investigation, you shut up right now!And yet what's come out so far is that:The investigation wasn't a Deep State plot, but rather a totally normal thing for the FBI to do.It didn't start because BIASSSSSSSS against Trump, and no, Peter Strzok's and Lisa Page's text messages are not evidence of a SECRET SOCIETY hellbent on taking down Trump.It didn't start primarily or solely because of the DODGY STEELE DOSSIER.Yes, dear, it's OK for the FBI to spy on people like Carter Page, when they have good evidence that the Russians have been trying to cultivate that guy for YEARSFUCKINGYEARS.And now mean John Durham won't even smoke whatever Bill Barr and Donald Trump and Devin Nunes are smoking. What a nerd!BuzzFeed has some news related to this. Remember how part of the Barr-Durham sexxxy worldwide adventure promenade involved going to Italy to get what they thought might be very important evidence from the Italian government to bolster the paranoid delusions in Donald Trump's bad brain about WITCH HUNT? In fact, they heard a TAPED DEPOSITION from Joseph Mifsud, reportedly allegedly! At the time, Wonkette snarked that whatever info Mifsud might have had to share, we were sure it was very reliable.Welllllllllll. About that.In a story about how Mifsud's wallet and passport apparently spent 17 months in the lost-and-found at the airport in Portugal while everybody assumed Russia had probably accidentally kicked him down the stairs out of a 10th story window, BuzzFeed also reports on that alleged "taped deposition," three different versions of which were sent to Italian newspapers. While it notes that analysis from Bellingcat says the voice on the tape is "likely" Joseph Mifsud, let's just say that the BuzzFeed piece kinda seems to imply, at least by our reading, that the deposition might be fake. Did Bill Barr and John Durham take a lovers' jet-ski boner romp to Italy to hear a fake deposition? We just do not know. But could be!In summary and in conclusion, one of the funniest parts of Wednesday's impeachment hearing in the House Judiciary Committee came when GOP pizza-munching SCIF-invading idiot Rep. Matt Gaetz blubbered like a crazy person about JUST YOU WAIT until the IG report comes out, because MAYBE WE WILL HAVE TO IMPEACH BARACK OBAMA FOR SPYING AND DEEP STATE-ING AND WIRE TAPPS!Y'all he was so mad: Your browser does not support the video tag. Guess he hasn't seen literally any of the news this week about the coming IG report. Shhhhhh, nobody tell him, it'll hurt worse if it's a surprise.[Washington Post]Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Rudy Giuliani Is In Ukraine Right Now. SURE, WHY NOT.
    At least OJ Simpson had the courtesy to wait until after the murder trial was over to write that book about how he would have murdered his ex-wife and her boyfriend IF HE DID IT. Rudy Giuliani is right this very minute, as the impeachment is ongoing, in Ukraine filming If Trump Colluded With Shady Ukrainians To Frame Joe Biden. Subtle!Fox's first cousin (on all four sides!) One America News Network (OANN) has been filming a documentary with a bunch of corrupt prosecutors who got shitcanned by Ukrainian presidents Poroshenko and Zelenskyy for being dirrrrrrty. Apparently this heroic act of journalisming has been going on for some time and we never heard about it because THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW. Just ask VRY SRS investigative journalist Chanel Rion -- not her porn name, apparently! -- seen here conducting a "deposition." Have we heard of this person before? WE HAVE. Robyn wrote about the lovely Chanel and her creative biography two years ago when her fiancé Courtland Sykes was running for Senate in Missouri and told reporters, "I want to come home to a home-cooked dinner at six every night, one that she fixes." Sadly, Mr. Sykes fell short in his bid to secure the Republican nomination and now faces the prospect of having to make his own dinner while his lady is off chasing conspiracy theorists all over Eastern Europe. But Mr. Sykes should have expected as much when he took up with a woman who flogs Pizzagate, the Seth Rich murder conspiracy, and bizarre claims about "spirit cooking," as the Daily Beast points out. The network just had to retract a Rion story falsely claiming that Lisa Page had an affair with Andy McCabe, but for sure this one is on the up and up.The New York Times reports that Rudy met Tuesday with Yuriy Lutsenko, the former chief prosecutor who slimed Marie Yovanovitch and then immediately retracted his story. Then Wednesday it was on to Kyiv to meet with Viktor Shokin, the corrupt prosecutor pushed out by the IMF, EU, and the entire US government who conveniently now blames Joe Biden, and Konstiantyn Kulyk, a prosecutor fired last month who's been working with Lev Parnas, journalist John Solomon, and Nunes aide Derek Harvey on the Biden smear. And if those names mean nothing to you, just take our word that they're part of the motley crew of characters who've been working for a year to leverage the Ukrainian prosecutor's office to take out the president's opponent.Giuliani, who is currently under investigation by his former colleagues in the Southern District of New York for possible violation of campaign finance laws and the Foreign Agents Registration Act (FARA) for his work with shadyass Ukrainians, is kicking it up another notch. This time he'll be conspiring on camera! No doubt he'll still claim attorney-client privilege for the conversations, since everything he does serves only to prove that Trump is totally innocent and Joe Biden is the real collusion. Because Rudy's A MAVERICK. Or a lunatic, definitely one of the two.The Times reports that, "Mr. Giuliani's trip has generated concern in some quarters of the State Department, coming amid scrutiny of his work with American diplomats earlier this year on the pressure campaign." Which is diplomat-speak for GOD, PLEASE, NO! WHY??? STOP! Or, as broken clock Gordon Sondland put it, "Every time Rudy gets involved he goes and fucks everything up." Factcheck: True!But America's Mayor can't stop, won't stop. Here he is in an image posted to Ukrainian lawmaker Andriy Derkach's Facebook page this morning. Via Andriy Derkach FacebookThe Washington Post notes that "[a]nalysts have dismissed Derkach as spreading disinformation to support a conspiracy theory," but he's willing to vouch that Joe Biden personally benefitted from a money laundering scheme involving Burisma, so you know he's Rudy's guy. And what does Rudy have to say for himself?"If S.D.N.Y. leaks and Democrats' threats stopped me, then I should find a new profession," he texted the Times. Yeah, maybe like manufacturing license plates. That seems more appropriate.[NYT / DB / WaPo]Follow Liz (AKA your FDF) on Twitter!Click here to support your Wonkette, who keeps an eye on these grifty sumbitches so you don't have to!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Loser Gov Matt Bevin Sad Black People Stole His KY Election :(
    Thanks to the "power of Donald Trump," Republican incumbent Matt Bevin managed a triumphant second place finish in last month's Kentucky governor's race. Bevin gave a series of exit interviews on talk radio yesterday where he described his loss as a "surprise." That's interesting because Bevin was recently ranked the least popular governor in the US. He even bragged that it was "a sad, sad day for Democrats when they can't beat somebody like that." Well, Andy Beshear called his bluff and Kentucky will soon have a governor the residents don't loathe. But Bevin is still gobsmacked by the Democrat's "dirty tricks," which involved engaging the public and convincing them to vote for you. We call that "canvassing" but Bevin claims it's "harvesting" votes, like what Dr. Frankenstein does in graveyards. BEVIN: The left, those who think of a different ideological bent, they are getting so good at harvesting votes in the urban communities. They were able to go into urban communities where people are densely populated on college campuses and public housing projects."Urban communities" are inconvenient truths for Republicans. People live there, unlike the empty acres of land where the GOP dominates, and worse those "people" are often minorities, sometimes even in Kentucky. The Founders intended for each white man to receive exactly one vote. The slaves they rode to their polling places weren't supposed to have a say in government. That leads to chaos or Republicans losing elections. The Democrats were so diabolical they didn't just stop with Kool-Aid rallies at housing projects. They even went to college campuses, which are filled with eligible voters. It's like they were running a competent campaign. 'Uniquely Unpopular' Gov. Matt Bevin's Loss 'Was Not Surprising' In Kentucky | MTP Daily | MSNBC Kentucky is one of 27 states where it's perfectly legal for a "designated" individual to return absentee ballots on behalf of voters. This helps enfranchise the disabled, elderly, and all the minorities whose local polling places are curiously shut down. Republicans -- even former House Speaker Paul Ryan -- can't make any sense of what they call "ballot harvesting." Who decided it was a good idea to help people vote? Laughably, Bevin brought up the straight-up election fraud by Republican Matt Harris in North Carolina last year in which the Republican campaign "harvested" votes from Democrats and then helpfully threw them away. It's also a felony in North Carolina to take possession of someone's absentee ballot unless you're an immediate relative or legal guardian. That has nothing to do with why Beshear cleaned Bevin's clock. Bevin claimed that "less informed people" unfortunately outnumbered the geniuses who wanted to give another term to an unpopular incumbent, and Republicans are helpless against simple math.BEVIN: Conservatives are going to have to find some counterpoint. The harvesting of votes in urban cores in particular that is done by the left overwhelmed even that. And that's the difference, that's the tipping point.He continued his "sore loser tour" during an interview with radio station WKCT of Bowling Green. He accused Beshear of making a pact with the devil to "slaughter unborn children for political contribution." We suppose this is his gross reference to Beshear's support for women's reproductive freedom. Bevin signed a lot of regressive anti-abortion laws with no regard for women's health. He bragged about how he'd tried to shut down the only abortion clinic in the state. (There are 30 gun shops in Louisville alone.) He warned Wednesday that Beshear will turn Kentucky into of a post-apocalyptic abortion nightmare state.BEVIN: You watch what's going to happen. I mean, you're going to see abortions being performed all around this state, in Planned Parenthood clinics and others, because that's the devil.The devil does not actually perform abortions because he's not a medical doctor. He is an accomplished chef. Some weak-willed (male) Democrats thought our chances for winning the Kentucky governor's race would improve if we threw women under the bus. But Beshear's victory showed we don't have to treat women as less than human just to defeat a common asshole like Bevin. [WFPL]Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the writers paid and the servers humming. Thank you, we love you.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Bill Barr: Support Your Local Police. Or Else.
    Attorney General Bill Barr likes to think of police officers as a brave army that's literally at war -- with crime, or with evildoing criminals, or maybe with the communities they police. And if people don't like it, they should just shut up, submit to lawful authority, and stop resisting. Back in August, at a Cop Convention in New Orleans, Barr explained that American law enforcement shouldn't be hamstrung by all this stupid stuff about "rights," because cops are right and anyone a cop decides is a criminal is wrong: We need to get back to basics. We need public voices, in the media and elsewhere, to underscore the need to "Comply first, and, if warranted, complain later." This will make everyone safe – the police, suspects, and the community at large. And those who resist must be prosecuted for that crime. We must have zero tolerance for resisting police. This will save lives.Barr didn't explain how a 10-year-old who gets shot to death within seconds of cops pulling up on him was being too much of a loudmouthed resister, but on Tuesday he offered further thoughts on who deserves police protection and who doesn't. He seems to think that "comply first, and if warranted, complain later" offers too much latitude, because there's entirely too much complaining about unarmed black people getting shot by cops.Instead, in Tuesday's remarks at the "Attorney General's Award for Distinguished Service in Policing," Barr explained that law enforcement is like a protection racket: Bill Barr Third Annual Attorney General's Award for Distinguished Service in Policing After once again comparing cops to The Troops going off to fight America's enemies -- an analogy anyone in law enforcement ought to rethink, because no, American cities are not Fallujah -- Barr moved on to how certain "communities" need to appreciate police, and if they don't, well maybe the police will just go away and how would you like THAT?I think today, American people have to focus on something else, which is the sacrifice and the service that is given by our law enforcement officers. And they have to start showing, more than they do, the respect and support that law enforcement deserves. And if communities don't give that support and respect, they might find themselves without the police protection they need.That's a useful thing to know. Comply, submit, and only complain later, if it's warranted. But too much complaining, or for that matter, insufficient applause for the cops, and maybe you won't deserve to be kept safe. Huffpost notes that the Department Of Busting Heads Justice "did not immediately respond" to a request for clarification of which "communities" Barr had in mind, or of "what he meant by people finding themselves without police protection." Gosh, it is indeed a mystery! Although Slate has a pretty good read on the meaning: Maybe it's like Barr's boss telling Ukraine it should investigate Joe Biden -- shame if something happened to those US anti-tank missiles.Doing our own due diligence, we checked the full video to make sure the clip above didn't somehow take Barr out of context. Nope. He very definitely did not go on to explain how that's not a threat of withdrawing police protection from communities that insist their lives matter. Instead, he quickly moved to presenting the awards: "It's an honor for me in a small way to show that recognition today."The ACLU seems to have figured out who Barr had in mind. In a statement Wednesday, Jeffery Robinson, director of the ACLU's Trone Center for Justice and Equality, said it was pretty damn clear Barr was encouraging "abusive policing."Support and respect are earned, not given as the result of a demand from those who carry badges and guns. Attorney General Barr is telling communities across the country to bow their heads in respect to police even if those same police are violating their rights and killing people without justification.This administration has repeatedly made it clear that it is not interested in holding law enforcement accountable. Communities of color around the country are consistently being abused by their police departments without receiving the type of public safety benefits that Attorney General Barr described. Police work for communities, not the other way around. It's time for increased Congressional oversight of the Department of Justice, and its policy and practices on local policing.Gosh, that's not very respectful of our brave troops on the battlefield of American communities at all! We suspect that, if Barr or the DOJ say anything at all about his remarks -- and he doesn't have to, he doesn't owe you people anything -- it'll be in transparent bad faith. Like maybe all he meant was that those unspecified "communities" would find themselves without protection because good decent enforcers would simply not apply for police jobs, or might lose the will to do their jobs. You know, like when Bill de Blasio's suggestion to not kill unarmed black citizens made New York cops too sad to fight crime in 2014, prompting a work slowdown. That particular Cop-Out "helped contribute to a nose dive in low-level policing, with overall arrests down 66 percent" for at least a week. It was probably a huge relief to people who weren't arrested for standing on their own damn sidewalks, not to mention to public defenders, but it ultimately ended. And there's hardly anyone saying we need no policing, though some radical crazies -- like national law enforcement policy groups -- think police might consider not acting like an occupying army. [HuffPo / ACLU / Slate]Yr Wonkette is supported solely by reader donations. Please send us money if you know what's good for you. (What's good for you is well-documented snark and poop jokes, which we can't bring you without money!)How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Next Time, Pam Karlan, Just Make Fun Of Donald Trump Jr.'s Face
    The GOP was having a bad day in the impeachment of Donald Trump, just like all their other days in the impeachment of Donald Trump. Three brilliant law professors were sitting before Congress and giving chapter and verse explanations, in simple and illuminating terms, for why Trump is a criminal president who should be removed from office. Also Jonathan Turley was there.Trump idiots needed something -- anything -- to distract themselves and their base from what was happening. This boring academic hearing was actually not boring! People were watching it!And then Stanford law professor Pamela Karlan accidentally gave it to them, when she committed the cardinal sin of saying Barron Trump's name out loud, acknowledging the president's son with a harmless joke that wasn't even about the president's son. He wasn't the butt of the joke, it was just a silly play on words. Hey, at least somebody said Barron's name out loud this week, because we doubt his shitty-ass parents did.To be clear, the joke was about Trump trying to act like an American king, and it was that while he may be allowed to name his son "Barron," he cannot literally make his son a baron. YA BURNT! HOW YOU GONNA GET A DATE TO THE MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCE NOW, YOUR DAD CAN'T EVEN LITERALLY MAKE YOU A BARON! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOOL #BULLYING #THATSNOTBEBESTThat was the joke. Needless to say, this was the hook that lying fake outrage idiots on the right needed. "The mean witness is making fun of the children! The children used to be off-limits! wHeRe'S tEh cIviLitY!!1!!!!!!!!!"Please keep in mind the types of things the right used to say about Chelsea Clinton and the Obama girls, when their dads were president.Now tell us how terrible this is, White House something-or-other Stephanie Grisham: OMG! Scoff scoff! People in the room LAUGHED!Trust us, we're pretty sure Barron's fine, as long as he doesn't get in a car with Stephanie Grisham anytime soon.Stand up for your beloved child, Moira, we mean Melania: Uh huh OK #BeBest.Stick up for your little brother, Don Jr., in the face of such mindless cruelty that suggests your orange father cannot literally turn him into a baron: Yeah OK.PRO TIP FOR PAM KARLAN: Next time, just make a joke about Don Jr.'s extremely weird and poorly put together face. Feel free to make it extremely cruel. Like, for example, if you were making the point about Donald Trump trying to destroy the presidency and replace it with a shithole monarchy, you could say, "Donald Trump Jr. might look like the genetic result of decades of royal inbreeding, but that doesn't mean his dad is literally the king."For handy reference, this is what Junior's face looks like: Isn't that distressing?Donald Trump hasn't said that much about it, that we've seen, besides retweeting Melania. We're sure he and Barron had a real nice father-son talk last night about how there are cruel people in the world who will say things like "your dad can't literally make you a baron," haha just kidding, that would suggest Donald Trump talked to his child, and we're not ready to embrace such tinfoil hat conspiracy theories.Trump campaign spokesperson idiot Kayleigh McEnany said a thing:"Only in the minds of crazed liberals is it funny to drag a 13-year-old child into the impeachment nonsense," [McEnany said.] "Pamela Karlan thought she was being clever and going for laughs, but she instead reinforced for all Americans that Democrats have no boundaries when it comes to their hatred of everything related to President Trump."McEnany demanded Democrats "immediately repudiate" the professor and "call on her to personally apologize" to Donald and Melania Trump.Yeah, poor Barron.Kellyanne Conway said some shit, but guess what, she needs to go fuck herself, so we're not going to quote it. Because of the stupid and entirely feigned outrage, Karlan ended up "apologizing" for her joke before the hearing was even over. We wish she hadn't, just like we wish Sam Bee hadn't apologized for that very naughty thing she said about Ivanka Trump. At least Karlan made it a really backhanded apology:I want to apologize for what I said earlier about the President's son. It was wrong of me to do that. It was wrong of her to say Trump can't literally make Barron a baron. One does not say such things about the king's powers. But ...I wish the President would apologize, obviously, for the things that he's done that's wrong but I do regret having said that.Whatever. What Karlan said was fine, and apologizing for saying and doing things that are completely fine only feeds the right-wing snowflake disease where it's totally cool if they say whatever racist or bullying shit they want, and yet immediately hit the fainting couch if a Democrat makes a mildly silly and not remotely offensive joke. Pam Karlan was awesome yesterday, and she delivered one of the best analogies we've ever heard for exactly what crimes Trump committed against Ukraine, when she wasn't making Republicans look like idiots to their faces.Here 'tis: Your browser does not support the video tag. Imagine living in a part of Louisiana or Texas that's prone to devastating hurricanes and flooding. What would you think if you lived there and your governor asked for a meeting with the president to discuss getting disaster aid that Congress has provided for? What would you think if that president said, "I would like you to do us a favor? I'll meet with you, and send the disaster relief, once you brand my opponent a criminal."Wouldn't you know in your gut that such a president has abused his office? That he'd betrayed the national interest, and that he was trying to corrupt the electoral process? I believe the evidentiary record shows wrongful acts on those scale here.Not hard to see why Trumpworld would want to distract everyone from Pam Karlan's testimony, is it?Karlan's name was bandied about a lot every time President Barack Obama made a Supreme Court nomination. After her performance yesterday, she should be on every Democratic 2020 candidate's short list, don't you think? Especially if we manage to take back the Senate. Republicans would LOSE. THEIR. SHIT.[Talking Points Memo]Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000Now you can buy the impeachment shot glass set if you haven't already, it's a Christmas miracle.
  • The Need For Speed! Wonkagenda For Thurs., Dec. 5, 2019
    Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today. The House Judiciary Committee's eight hour constitutional law class doesn't seem to have moved the needle too much on impeachment. The legal nerds called by Democrats to testify about the definition of impeachment and whether Trump had reached that threshold were all in agreement: Trump abused the power of the presidency. The Republican witness, Jonathan Turley, admitted that what Trump did sure as hell seemed wrong, yet urged everyone to slow down. Peter Baker is calling bullshit on the "moving too fast" argument, saying Republicans ran through Bill Clinton's impeachment in a similar time frame. Aaron Blake notes Republicans spent much of their time monologuing instead of asking questions. By the time you read this, Nancy Pelosi will be issuing an update on the current state of impeachment. Pelosi has been quietly meeting with Democrats to make sure that everyone is on board even as moderate and freshman members nervously tap their feet and caution against including the Mueller Report in any impeachment articles. Trump's White House is finally getting off the couch and attempting to create a defense against a near-certain impeachment trial in the Senate. The Washington Post reports the White House is likely to turn the whole thing into a grand reality show full of the usual spin room bullshit as the House remains on track to vote for impeachment by Christmas. Politico reports Republicans remain unified that Trump did nothing wrong, adding Trump finds censure "unacceptable" and anyone who suggests otherwise is likely to be on the receiving end of some shitposts.The math nerds over at 538 had a new poll with Ipsos (and a podcast) showing how opinions on impeachment haven't really moved thanks (in part) to Fox News's non-stop mind fuckery. (Poll talk starts around the 20:00 minute mark.)One of the talking points Republicans keep bringing up is the need to see Bill Barr's investigation into the investigation of Trump-Russia fuckery in the 2016 election, but the The Washington Post is reporting that Barr is now trying to bury the investigation after it failed to validate rightwing (or Russian) conspiracy theories.Rudy Giuliani must have drunkenly buttdialed Ken Vogel and slurred that he was stumbling around Kyiv and Budapest over the last week, creating a doc-series for OANN, the rightwing network that's so familiar with Trump's ass that it might as well be a golden toilet. According to Vogel, Giuliani has teamed up with Chanel Rion to prove that Trump did nothing wrong when he bribed Ukraine for a 2020 "favor" in exchange for military aid. Rion, you may remember, is an anti-feminist and failed politician who peddles debunked conspiracy theories and anti-Semitic tropes. GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! We might finally get some legislation to end those FUCKING ROBOCALLS before the end of the year. Yesterday the House voted 417 to 3 to pass the TRACED Act, which would require phone companies to verify where calls came from and let people block them without charging extra, and would create a number of various working groups and reports to check in on implementation and enforcement measures. Sen. Elizabeth Warren went on Bloomberg TV and said that ONE CANDIDATE was literally trying to buy the 2020 election. In the last few days Warren has been floating a proposal to ban "mega mergers" and retroactively review 20 years of big corporate consolidations. [Full Interview]The exit of Sen. Kamala Harris from the 2020 stage has set off a mad dash to court her delegates and donors in California. In a related story, Maayan Schechter writes the massive field operation Harris built in California is potentially up for grabs as well, but some of her most staunch supporters aren't budging (yet). In a related story, Sen. Cory Booker is hoping to capitalize on the departure of Harris but it may be too late. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is quietly schmoozing Republican mega donors as he see-saws on running for retiring Kansas Sen. Pat Roberts's seat in 2020. Trump offered a tepid endorsement for Pompeo's potential run in between insults at this week's NATO meeting.Some 2020 candidates are creating idiotic dance moves to keep people at their rallies from getting so bored that they start flirting with other candidates. Never one to miss a beat, SNL writer Steven Castillo created a mildly NSFW "Amy Klobuchar Dance." There's been a rash of people on social media freaking out about a white van abducting people. CNN's Donnie O'Sullivan has a great story about how this viral freakout spread from one nut all the way to the Baltimore mayor, and beyond. Everyone in the world was making fun of Trump at NATO, so Trump threw a tantrum and stormed off. Before he ran off, Trump privately rattled off a list of grievances he had with NATO members like an uncomfortable Festivus party, and held an off-the-books chat with Turkey's authoritarian president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan then ran home (dragging a handful of former Soviet states with him). Shortly thereafter Joe Biden's cut a campaign ad. Chinese-owned social media company TikTok has been caught suppressing videos from users with physical and mental disabilities, as well as users who self-identify with hashtags like #fatwoman, #disabled, rainbow flags and popular LGBT identifiers. TikTok has admitted and apologized, saying the practice was intended to prevent cyber bulling. Google CEO Sundar Pichai just got the worst promotion in Silicon Valley after he was named CEO of Google's parent company, Alphabet, following the announcement that Google co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin were stepping down as CEO and president respectively. Casey Newton cuts out all the holy horse shit by noting that this is probably for the best as Google faces a techlash on all sides. Similarly, Kara Swisher opines that Page and Brin's departure could mean the tech giant has tossed out its diapers and is ready for big boy pants. "We'll see." The Elon Musk "Pedo Guy" trial has been a crash course on internet lingo and genuine douchebaggery.Stephen Colbert talked about all the things Congress is about to be impeached for in this, the era of baby Yoda memes. Congress Looks Likely To Charge Trump With Abuse Of Power, Bribery, And Obstruction And here's your morning Nice Time: Cats and GIANT BALLS Cats vs Ball Pit Follow Dominic on Twitter and Instagram!We're 100% ad-free and reader-supported, so consider buying us coffee, or get a subscription! How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Supreme Court Hears Gun Case, We're All Gonna Die
    How do we love guns? Let us count the ways.Gun rights are up at the Supreme Court this term and the Court's decision could gut gun control laws all around the United States.On Monday, SCOTUS held oral arguments in NY State Rifle v. City of New York, a case that could upend gun control laws nationwide.As if we didn't already have enough terrible shit to worry about.Here's the deal.New York, New York, used to have a law that essentially blocked people from transporting their guns without first getting permission from the NYPD. The New York State Rifle Association and a trio of gun owners challenged the law, but lost at the trial court and appellate levels. Then, last January, the Supreme Court decided it would take up the case. After that, in an attempt to moot the case and avoid a potentially sweeping SCOTUS ruling, the city changed the law and the state passed another law prohibiting its enforcement. As Amy Howe noted over at SCOTUSblog,The ban was so restrictive that it seemed unlikely to survive Supreme Court review; the only real question seemed to be whether the justices would issue a narrow ruling that only addressed the constitutionality of the city's ban, or whether they might instead say more about the broader right to have a gun outside the home. But now it's not clear whether the justices will reach the merits of the case at all, because the city has ended the ban.The NY State Rifle Association is represented by former George W. Bush Solicitor General Paul Clement. The Trump regime also stepped in to attack the law, with Jeffrey Wall from Solicitor General Noel Francisco's office arguing as a friend of the guns.The Court has decided just two landmark Second Amendment cases in its history -- and both of them happened under the watchful eye of Chief Justice John Roberts.Prior to 2008, the Supreme Court had never ruled on whether gun ownership was a collective right or an individual right. Then, in 2008, the Court took up DC v. Heller, a challenge to the District of Columbia's handgun ban and firearms storage requirements. In Heller, SCOTUS ruled for the first time ever that the Second Amendment protects an individual's right to bear arms and keep guns in their home. Three years later, the Court took up McDonald v. Chicago, where it extended Heller to apply to state and local governments, as well as the federal government.Since 2008, gun violence deaths have climbed 17%. But we're totally sure that's just a coincidence.NY State Rifle Association v. New York is the first gun control case the Court has taken up since McDonald -- and the Supreme Court has veered even further to the right since then. In particular, the replacement of Anthony Kennedy with Kegs Kavanaugh is a scary development indeed for gun control advocates.Justice Kennedy was always a conservative. People who say otherwise are wrong. But, because he was reasonable on issues like LGBTQ rights, he earned himself a reputation as a swing vote. Brett Kavanaugh, on the other hand, would only be a swing vote in a society where the options range from far right to extreme right.In particular, it seems Kennedy may have stopped the Court from going even further right in Heller and McDonald. Before he died, retired Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stephens said that Kennedy had asked for "some important changes" to Antonin Scalia's draft opinion before he would sign on to it. Kegs, however, appears to be an extreme gun rights enthusiast. Back in 2010, when Justice ILIKEBEER was on the DC Circuit, he was on a panel of judges hearing Heller v. DC Part Deux, a Second Amendment challenge to DC's ban on assault weapons and firearms registration. The law was upheld by a 2-1 vote, with Kavanaugh dissenting.In his dissent, Kavanaugh argued that "both DC's ban on semi-automatic rifles and its gun registration requirement are unconstitutional under Heller." Kegs opined that semi-automatic assault rifles should receive the same constitutional protection as handguns and hunting rifles. Further, he argued that even firearms registration requirements fell afoul of the Second Amendment.Registration of all lawfully possessed guns – as distinct from licensing of gun owners or mandatory record keeping by gun sellers – has not traditionally been required in the United States and even today remains highly unusual.Other conservative members of the Court have also indicated their eagerness to strike down more gun control laws. In 2018, Clarence Thomas dissented from a cert denial in Silvester v. Becerra, a case that had upheld California's 10-day waiting period. In his dissent, Thomas decried the judiciary's "general failure to afford the Second Amendment the respect due an enumerated constitutional right" and claimed, all evidence to the contrary, that "the Second Amendment is a disfavored right in this Court." This dissent was released less than a week after the mass shooting at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida.So the situation is ... not great.But the Court might decide to punt.The best hope for gun control advocates is that the Supreme Court will decide not to reach the merits of the case at all. One of the main debates at oral argument was whether or not subsequent developments have rendered the case moot.Remember when we talked about Article III standing and all of Trump's emoluments? Mootness is a similar concept. Article III of the US Constitution gives federal courts jurisdiction over actual "cases or controversies." Judges are supposed to decide real cases, not hypothetical ones. If the circumstances have changed so that a court ruling won't fix the alleged wrong, the Court should rule that the case is moot and decline to get to the merits.Also, "moot" is a lot of fun to say. Moot, moot, moot. A lot of things have happened since this suit was originally filed. After the Court decided to hear the case, both New York City and New York State worked to make the law unenforceable. Much of the oral argument from both sides focused on whether or not the case at hand is moot. NYC argues that, because it changed the law to allow the things the plaintiffs wanted to do in the lawsuit, this is no longer a live case. At least two of the Court's conservative justices seemed interested in NYC's mootness argument. At oral argument, Justices Roberts and Gorsuch asked several questions of NYC's counsel about whether there could be any potential consequences for people who may have violated the old provisions of the law. This could mean that one or both of them is considering a mootness ruling. Alito seemed clearly on the side of more guns. Kavanaugh, like Clarence Thomas, remained silent.If the Court doesn't punt, this could be very bad.With nine Supreme Court justices, the magic number is 5.The liberal justices can't get to five on their own, which means that at least one justice in the clan of right-wing men has to switch sides for justice to prevail. And in this case, that seems incredibly unlikely. A decision that the case is moot is probably the best possible outcome for gun control advocates, considering the current makeup of the Court.If SCOTUS gets to the merits of this case and adopts arguments akin to those made by Kegs in Heller II or Thomas in Silvester, all manner of gun control laws could be invalidated. Gun control experts and advocates have warned that an even more extreme view of the Second Amendment could be disastrous for public safety."This approach to the Second Amendment would treat gun rights as an absolute right, frozen in history, and not subject to any restrictions as public safety demands," said Hannah Shearer, litigation director at the Giffords Law Center to Prevent Gun Violence.So, umm, cross your fingers for a mootness finding.And if, like us, you've been worried about RBG's health, just know that she is back on the bench and in fine form. She's a -- what's the word? -- pistol! And this is your OPEN THREAD.[Transcript / Docket / Thomas Dissent / Heller II / AP / SCOTUSblog / Photo: Lorie Shaull, Creative Commons license 2.0]Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by You The Reader. Please send us money to help us keep the servers humming and the writers paid! How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Some Asshole Sending Wonkette Stupid Letters In James O'Keefe's Name
    Would you be shocked to learn that James O'Keefe, of the Dildo Boat O'Keefes, has a stupid idiot for a lawyer? Man, we were. Behold, some asshole! The first thing you may notice about this "lawyer" letter is that it is whining about "defamation" in a story that is more than six years old. This will send you googling for "defamation statute of limitations" and learning that it is ... not six years. Did some schoolchildren bury this letter in a time capsule to be opened by the far future Apocalypse People in the year 2019? Based on all available information, Occam's Razor suggests "yes." Then you will probably be like "I wanna read this awesome James O'Keefe story, which Wonkette broke by the way, where is it please?" Not afraid to be servicey, it is right here! It is indeed titled, not captioned, "Wonket Sexclusive: Totally Blameless Crime-Stopper James O'Keefe to Pay $100,000 to ACORN Criminal." Does O'Keefe want us to retract "blameless" and "crime-stopper"? Probably. That guy is of bad moral character and also has done more than one crime! Then you will notice that "John Sullivan, General Counsel" is mad about BESMIRCHES! Is "John Sullivan, General Counsel" actually Diamond and Silk? Probably. He is about as good at libel law. But here is something that will not just jump out at you. You will have to read the source material (viz "Wonket Sexclusive: Totally Blameless Crime-Stopper James O'Keefe to Pay $100,000 to ACORN Criminal") to learn that in the midst of denying that O'Keefe had selectively edited and wildly misrepresented the dude he gave $100,000 to out of the goodness of his heart and with no admission of wrongdoing EVER, he ... selectively edited the first half of our sentence citing O'Keefe's "tacit admission of guilt" to wildly misrepresent what we'd written! Here, have a picture we just took of the thing you just read: Now have the sentence he cut in half, in which we were quoting someone, as journalism allows you to do: Still, as Vera's attorney Gene Iredale suggested to us in a telephone interview, O'Keefe's willingness to pay this exorbitant sum is, by itself, a tacit admission of guilt. Wow, what a fucking asshole! But all is well that ends well! For shits and giggles we got in touch with Matthew Phelan, who with his journalism partner Liz Farkas originally broke this scoop for us, and we hadn't talked to that guy in aaaaages! Not only did he still have all the court filings, including one he labeled "discovery haggling," he was quite happy to go through them and take twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored Glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of Each one Like so! and furthermore! Writes Matthew: Mainly, obviously, I would direct you to the "Reason Why [...]" paragraphs and the language there: "This issue goes to the Plaintiff's allegation that defendants released private and misleading information regarding Mr. Vera to the public." And: "Plaintiff wishes to show that O'Keefe illegally recorded ACORN employees, including Plaintiff and then engaged in selective and misleading editing of the tapes, followed by the publication of these selectively edited videos designed to harm Plaintiff's and others' reputations. These tapes will, he believes, show a pattern of such impropriety." So, to review, the gist of the sleight of hand that O'Keefe's lawyers are trying to pull is: 1.) focus on the fact that the lawsuit was brought out citing California's 1967 Invasion of Privacy Act (Penal Code sections 630-38) and make it seem like allegations of selective editing or bad faith pseudo-journalism are really not at issue here; and then 2.) ignore the clear record of court filings indicating that the determination of damages, had this suit gone to trial, would have included detailed charges of selective editing, misrepresentation, and etc. As you may recall, the California AG's office got ahold of the unedited videos and conducted their own investigation in 2010. Here's the press release about their determination that the videos were deceptively edited: (I'm attaching the pdfs of their full report too.) Anyway. It's nice to have an excuse to say, "Hello." It is indeed! NOT ONLY THAT, but Matthew then called Mr. Vera's attorney from all those years ago, and they had a nice little howdy-do too, for 13 minutes in which the attorney, Mr. Gene Iredale, quite adamantly wished Matthew would quote him calling James O'Keefe a "filthy racist" and a "BAD MAN" as well as like a dishonest piece of shit or something, it was 13 minutes of audio recorded WITH PERMISSION, JAMES O'KEEFE, but I didn't take notes and I'm not going back and listening to it again even though it was DELIGHTFUL and MAD ABOUT MANY THINGS! All of that, by the way, is OPINION and is not actionable EITHER, "JOHN SULLIVAN, GENERAL COUNSEL."Look, we know all the hip kids are suing everyone regardless of whether their stories are true, opinion, or even satire, hoping to be at the front of the line when Trump and Clarence Thomas "open up the libel laws." But we're pretty sure even you, John Sullivan, general counsel, know how baseless your letter is, considering you don't even bother threatening a suit. Sheeit, Devin Nunes suing a goddamn cow. As to your demand for a retraction, Mr. Sullivan if you even exist and honestly we don't think you do, thank you, but in the immortal words of Melville's Bartleby the Scrivener, LOL go fuck yourself.xoxoRebecca SchoenkopfOwner and publisher, Wonkette Keep your Wonkette rolling in lovely money to piss off all the proper idiots and keep paying our writers a living wage. Please to walk your liberal talk if you aren't already! We love you! How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Beto O'Rourke Doing Kickflips ... On The Texas House
    Beto O'Rourke, the angsty smart annoying inspirational former congressman who we fell in love with when he ran against Ted Cruz and then fell out of love with when he ran for president, is now doing something wonderfully useful with the donor/email list he built up during his two campaigns. No, he's not running for Senate. That ship got torpedoed -- for Texas in 2020 at least -- by Beto's own call to ban and buy back assault rifles. It's a great idea for America, which is precisely why it's electoral poison for Texas at large. For now. Instead of running himself, O'Rourke is campaigning for a far more achievable goal: electing enough Democrats to the Texas House of Representatives to flip it blue. That might sound like a crazy notion, but only if you haven't been following Texas politics. As O'Rourke points out in tweets and an email blast, in the 2018 midterms, 17 Republicans in the Texas House won their races by less than 10 points. Flip just nine of those seats in 2020, and control of the Texas House goes to Democrats. O'Rourke's email says that's a very realistic goal: There are almost 90,000 people in these 17 target districts who have voted Democrat in the past but aren't registered to vote at their current address.We only have to win nine of these seats for Democrats to have a majority in the Texas legislature. Victories in these districts will mean an end to racist gerrymandering, and a chance to address gun violence, reproductive rights, Medicaid expansion, criminal justice and climate change in Texas.O'Rourke is urging his supporters to contribute to Flip the Texas House, a group that grew out of his 2018 Senate run. Contributions will pay to send unregistered folks who previously voted Democrat "pre-filled voter registration forms with stamped return envelopes" Easy-peasy! At least, the registration outreach part, which is an absolutely vital first step. Of those 17 targeted districts, O'Rourke notes, nine of 'em voted for him in 2018, so a Democrat can definitely win there if there are enough Dems registered to vote. (Yes, yes, finding good candidates is kind of important, too! And GOTV! And canvassing!) You want a map? Here's a map, from Flip the Texas House. Some of those crazy district shapes give you a good idea of why it might be better to have another party drawing the district lines, huh? The Houston Chronicle points out the targeted districts are clustered in the kinds of areas where Democrats have been making gains nationwide: 10 arein the Dallas-Fort Worth area and five are in and around Houston. One is in San Antonio and one is in Killeen. The push follows a 2018 cycle in which Democrats flipped 12 Texas House seats from Republican control. Texas Democrats have not had the majority of seats in the Texas House since 2001.Seems like it's high time to change that, huh? NINE SEATS. Redistricting is in the balance. And the Texas GOP is already freaking out about the possibility of challenges to incumbents making some of those races even harder to win.It won't happen without a lot of work, but it's an awfully exciting prospect. Can't you just imagine how tickled the sainted Molly Ivins would be to see the Texas House go blue again? We'll close with a favorite Molly quote, a fine mantra for a campaign -- even if it's a bit long to chant in full: So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin' the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was.Go, Texas. And allies from the other 49 stars on the flag. Let's flip the Texas House! [Houston Chronicle / Daily Kos / Texas Tribune / NBC News / FLIP the Texas House / Photo by Edward Jackson, Wikimedia Commons]Yr Wonkette is supported entirely by reader donations. Please send us money so we can keep reminding you what we can all accomplish together. How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Having Your Kid's Hymen Inspected Should Definitely Be Illegal
    Last month, rapper T.I. went on a podcast and told a tale about how he takes his daughter, who is now 18 years old, for annual hymen inspections to ensure she is still a virgin, and we all, collectively, screamed in horror. Well, except for a few terrible people on social media who had to come out and defend him, saying he had a right to "protect his investment" or that he was just from "a different time." T.I., for the record, is 39 years old, and let me assure you, the 1990s were not really "a different time" in that way. Never once did anyone say, "Oh, let's go out and buy some flannels at Contempo Casuals, drink some Orbitz, and then my dad is gonna take me to the gyno to make sure my hymen is still intact!" In case you need a refresher: T.I. offered this information after being asked whether or not he's had the sex talk with his daughters, and then shared a story about how on her 16th birthday, he "let her" have fun and celebrate and enjoy the day, and then the day after the party, "she's enjoying her gifts" but he went and "put a sticky note on the door: 'Gyno. Tomorrow. 9:30.'" He then went on to explain that although the doctor explained to him that the presence of a hymen or lack of one did not necessarily mean anything, and that a hymen could also break from regular activities like riding a bike or a horse, he had responded: "So I say, 'Look, Doc, she don't ride no horses, she don't ride no bike, she don't play no sports. Just check the hymen, please, and give me back my results expeditiously.'" Has there ever, in the world, been a more repulsive sentence? Probably, but I sure as hell can't think of one right now. Now, state lawmakers in New York are looking to pass a bill to make such inspections illegal, ban doctors from performing them and deem any so-called "virginity inspection" done outside a medical office as a sexual assault. Which, you know, it is.So far, the bill, introduced by Assemblywoman Michaelle C. Solages, has three co-sponsors in the Assembly, and Senator Roxanne J. Persaud has introduced another bill in the state Senate. Via the New York Times: "It made me angry and I was just very upset," said Assemblywoman Michaelle C. Solages, a Democrat who introduced a bill last week to prohibit the practice. "To use your platform to say that you did this is just misogynistic and it sets the women's movement back."[...] "The invasive procedure of a virginity examination violates the sanctity and purity of a female," Ms. Persaud said of the exams, commonly known as purity tests or virginity tests. "Whether a child or adult, this breaches not only moral grounds, but also the privacy entitled to a female and their doctor." The World Health Organization, last year, also recommended that the procedure be banned: "Virginity testing" is a violation of the human rights of girls and women, and can be detrimental to women's and girls' physical, psychological and social well-being. "Virginity testing" reinforces stereotyped notions of female sexuality and gender inequality. The examination can be painful, humiliating and traumatic. Given that these procedures are unnecessary and potentially harmful, it is unethical for doctors or other health providers to undertake them. Such procedures must never be carried out. Of course, one expert cited by the New York Times suggested that making "virginity tests" illegal could pose a problem, given the fact that there is no actual way to tell whether or not someone is a virgin. "I saw it and am appalled and disappointed," said Dr. Maura Quinlan, an associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University. "You can't tell if someone is a virgin, so how can you ban something that is not possible?" I get it, but if anything, this seems like a problem with working out the phrasing so that it doesn't appear to legitimize the procedure as something it's even medically possible to do. Maybe call them "hymen inspections" or refer to it as any "inspection of female genitalia designed to determine whether a woman or girl has had vaginal intercourse," as the WHO does. The fact that it's not a real medical thing doesn't mean that it's not happening — and it's the fact that it is happening at all that is the problem, not that T.I. or whoever may not get an accurate result. We know that "conversion therapy" isn't "real" either, but that doesn't mean that attempting it isn't harmful. A doctor literally cannot re-implant an ectopic pregnancy into the uterus, but that doesn't mean that the Ohio law requiring them to "attempt" it is not a very bad law. However they decide to put it, let's hope that other states soon follow suit. [New York Times] Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us! How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • There Aren't Enough 10-Foot Poles In England For Princess Anne To Touch Donald Trump
    A majority of Republicans might think Donald Trump is a better president than Abraham Lincoln, but serious people with cool accents want nothing to do with America's clown prince. Trump embarrassed the nation again at the 70th anniversary NATO summit in London. He insulted French President Emmanuel Macron, calling Macron's recent criticisms of NATO "very, very nasty" and "very disrespectful." Trump has beaten up on NATO himself, but he doesn't think Macron has the privilege of sharing his informed opinions because France is a big deadbeat that sucks off America for spare change.TRUMP: I would say that nobody needs NATO more than France. That's why I think when France makes a statement like they made about NATO, that's a very dangerous statement for them to make.Trump's damaged psyche believes our allies are all screwing us. He suggested that Macron take some certified preowned ISIS fighters off his hands. Macron, a functioning adult, dismantled whatever point Trump was trying to make.MACRON: Let's be serious. A very large numbers of fighters you have on the ground are ISIS fighters coming from Syria, from Iraq and the region. It is true that you have foreign fighters coming from Europe, but this is a tiny minority of the overall problem we have in the region. The president was scheduled to have three one-on-one meetings Tuesday with Macron, NATO secretary general Jens Stoltenberg, and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Instead, demonstrating no respect for their time, he turned what was intended as photo-ops into his own rambling two-hour-long Fox News show. He shared ridiculous and insulting theories about NATO's formation. He played PR hype man for our actual enemy Russia, claiming that when he holds rallies at "big stadiums," his moron supporters love the idea of America bending over for Putin. He contradicted his own administration's position about the ongoing protests in Iran. His painful comments about climate change only demonstrated he doesn't actually know what climate change is. He "joked" about putting Canada on a "payment plan" for NATO, which did not in fact amuse Trudeau. He also called House Rep. Adam Schiff a "maniac" and a "deranged human being" while in Trudeau's presence. This was all rock star diplomacy if the rock star had recently ODed.Trump is a terrible person who behaves terribly and yet is constantly stunned that no one likes him. Last night, at the Buckingham Palace NATO reception, Trudeau, Macron, and the BBC version of Trump, Boris Johnson, were caught on camera reading Trump for filth. Emmanuel Macron and Justin Trudeau 'caught gossiping about Donald Trump' to Boris Johnson This hurt the toddler in chief's feelings. He called Trudeau "two-faced" this morning, which demonstrates that Trump is not the master negotiator he always claims he is. Professional world leaders don't express every feeling or thought they're having, especially during a meeting with another head of state. Trump expects everyone to speak glowingly of him when he's not around or at the very least cower in fear at the mention of his name. Instead, most sensible people just consider him a horrifying joke. He's a monkey wearing a diaper and waving a gun. He's going to hurt someone. And America elected him. It's something we do between increasingly rare moments of lucidity when our president is rational. Fortunately, Laura Ingraham reassures conservatives that this is all "great news" for John McCain Donald Trump. We're admittedly all partisan hacks around here, but isn't it wise to elect presidents who don't induce giggle fits from other world leaders? If Republicans are failing this test, maybe it's not the "media elites" who are the problem. Enough with Ingraham, though. She's horrible and she knows it. Let's talk about Princess Anne, who was sipping the Earl Grey with Trudeau, Macron, and her goofy PM. She's the baddest lady in the whole Royal Family. Erin Doherty has done her justice on The Crown, but you should really check out actual interviews with her. She's amazing. In 1974, some fools tried (and failed) to kidnap her at gunpoint. She told them, "Not bloody likely." That's an action hero tagline. Princess Anne had wanted no part of the receiving line at the palace for Trump and Melania, who'd beamed down directly from the Enterprise. She stands to the side and seems to whisper, "You believe that prat?" Princess Anne's mother, who is the literal Queen of England, motions to her to join the line and she just shrugs. This woman's descended from Queen Victoria and Trump is descended from a klansman who fucked a yam. "Not bloody likely" indeed.Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the writers paid and the servers humming. Thank you, we love you.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • IS 'IMPEACH' EVEN IN CONSTITUTION? House Judiciary Impeachment Liveblog, Day One!
    People have so many questions about Impeachment, How Does It Work?Like so: Remember, Donald. There are no stupid questions, just stupid presidents.Yes, the impeachment hearings begin today in the House Judiciary Committee, on a day when the president is blubbering in his Big Macs because all the world leaders in the world got caught on tape making fun of his dumb sad ass at NATO. This hearing should make his day even rougher. Oh well, sometimes calendars just work that way.Today will be academic, though, and it seeks to answer all your burning questions about impeachment. This comes a day after the release of the fascinating and news-breaking impeachment report from the House Intelligence Committee, in which we learned among other things that Intel Committee ranking Republican Devin Nunes appears to be further up to his ass in Trump's impeachment crimes than we ever knew. There will be four witnesses -- three law experts chosen by the Democrats because they are smart, and one chosen by the Republicans because he is A Idiot. We expert to learn a lot, but not from the Republican witness.The show today will most likely come from Republicans trying to destroy democracy and obstruct the proceedings. If you thought the Intel Republicans were cow-humping morons, just wait until Doug Collins, Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert and others get their time to shine. If it happens to be your child's birthday today, just turn on C-SPAN, because FREE CLOWNS.Let's liveblog this shit. LIVE: House Judiciary Committee Impeachment Inquiry Hearing 10:00: So the Republican-called witness, Jonathan Turley, is going to be one of those Dershowitz types (we don't mean he's not gonna wear panties!) who is reportedly gonna be like "I voted for Obama and Hillary, but I still think impeaching Trump is a sin."Like we said, idiot.10:08: Let's learn things! The hearing begins with a Republican demanding a whole Republican idiot day of hearings. That was a mild interruption. They will get so much stupider.10:10: Jerry Nadler's opening statement goes over the story we know, of Trump's crime scheme to bribe Ukraine to help him steal the 2020 election. You should really open a tab and start looking at the House impeachment report. It's surprisingly readable and easy to digest, in all the ways the Mueller Report was not. 10:13: In noting Trump's unprecedented obstruction, Nadler reminds everyone that Bill Clinton turned over HIS BLOOD. (You know, because that impeachment was about jizz. We are continually surprised that the Trump impeachment is not even a little bit about jizz.)Nadler also notes that Trump has solicited foreign interference now in two elections, and has gotten caught in two elections, because he is a very stupid criminal. 10:18: Nadler: "It does not matter that Trump got caught" and eventually released the Ukraine aid. This is to be expected, because, again, SO STUPID.Remember how Trump hates it when people factually state that he's too stupid to complete crimes?Also Doug Collins is about to do his opening statement, so prepare to feel like you're being lobotomized by a redneck cartoon character.10:22: Doug Collins says if there were any REAL facts here, the House Intelligence Committee would have recommended articles of impeachment themselves, instead of pawning it off on the committee that ... has responsibility for drafting articles of impeachment.Look at this idiot. Remember there's a whole side drama playing out with Doug Collins, because Trump and his paste-eating minions are trying to bully the Georgia governor into appointing Collins to the soon-to-be-open Senate seat in Georgia. The Georgia governor does not want to do that, because he wants a different GOP idiot.So the pressure is on Collins to be a STAR today. 10:26: Collins says these law professors aren't gonna say anything Donald Trump "can't read" for himself, OBJECTION YOUR HONOR, ASSUMES DEFENDANT CAN READ.10:29: Collins also says Democrats are only impeaching Trump for doing what he said he was going to do. It's a fair point, because Trump did signal on the campaign trail A LOT that he planned to commit crimes and destroy the republic.10:30: Collins ends with a bullshit motion and request for a recorded vote, demanding Adam Schiff come testify, you know, because how they think he is the whistleblower and his mom is the whistleblower and his goldfish is the whistleblower and his butt is the whistleblower and etc. so on and so forth.10:36: After several stupid parliamentary inquiries from Republicans, Nadler introduces the witnesses, the three smart ones and the Jonathan Turley one.10:39: And now the first witness, Noah Feldman, begins his opening statement, and Republicans decide to interrupt him to put forth more bullshit motions. Gonna be a full day of this!Feldman manages to explain that he is going to explain Constitution, why the Framers did put IMPEACH in the Constitution, what "high crimes and misdemeanors" actually means, and that Donald Trump has done this, by "corruptly abusing the office of the president," by "corruptly soliciting" Volodymyr Zelenskyy of Ukraine to do personal political reacharounds to help him win the 2020 election. 10:44: Feldman tells an old-timey history story about when the framers put impeachment in the Constitution, about how they specifically did it to prevent crimes like the ones Trump committed, crimes that corrupt the Republic, corrupt the electoral process, or subvert the national security of the United States. Check, check, and check!Also notes that the framers specifically listed "bribery" as a good reason for impeachment.He's now laying out exactly how Trump did all this.10:48: Feldman says by itself, soliciting foreign interference is impeachable. Notes that Trump did that AND ALSO bribed and quid pro quo-ed Zelenskyy. These are also impeachable offenses.Rachel Maddow had a thing last night on how the House report is specifically written in such a way as to piece apart and separate Trump's various offenses, to make it easy to write multiple articles of impeachment. We'd link the article she read on TV, but we can't find it. Womp womp.10:52: After another stupid distraction move from Republicans, the next witness, Pamela Karlan, gives her opening statement. She begins by telling Doug Collins he is an insulting fucking idiot, because he implied that these witnesses didn't even read the facts of this case. She read EVERY TESTIMONY, you shitmouthed redneck, and wow, this lady is fire!10:55: This is Doug Collins after a witness YELLED AT HIM AND SPANKED HIM IN THE FACE. 10:56: Karlan: Foreign interference is one of the most "baneful foes" of a Republican government, the framers would be fuckiiiiiing horrified by Donald Trump, this is literally why they wrote the Constitution how they wrote it. Like, they weren't imagining Donald Trump specifically, because nobody could ever imagine a face that ugly and stupid-looking, but they were thinking of something like Donald Trump.10:59: Karlan: 2016's Russian attack was bad. Trump's 2020 attempted election attacks are worse.11:00: Karlan: What Trump has done, Trump's "Russia if you're listening," Trump's extortion of Ukraine, is not what happens in any "mature democracy."Now we go to Professor Michael Gerhardt!11:01: Gerhardt makes it easy and lists out Trump's crimes, as they might appear in articles of impeachment:1. Bribery2. Abuse of power3. Obstruction of justice4. Obstruction of Congress.He is quieter and less exciting to watch than Pamela Karlan, we are ready for her to yell at a Republican again.11:05: Gerhardt is the second witness that we've heard to say the word "treason." 11:09: Gerhardt cites Lindsey Graham, back when Lindsey Graham was trying to impeach Bill Clinton, as a good example of somebody who explained very well why obstruction of Congress is so impeachable. Does not cite present-day Lindsey Graham, on account of nobody can find Lindsey Graham because he's so far up Donald Trump's butt and abandoned his principles the second he entered that space.11:10: One very important thing Gerhardt brings up, and several others have brought up in the past few days, is that Trump has signaled in every way that he's still committing this crime. He's asked Russia and China to intervene to help him steal the election. He thinks this is OK, because cheating is the only way he's ever won in his entire life.Anyway, Jonathan Turley takes over to say that he voted for Hillary Clinton but we guess he was dropped on his head as a child sometime after that and therefore believes impeachment is bad. 11:13: Fucking idiot says there is a "paucity of evidence," which is true if he thinks the English definition of "paucity" is LOOK AT ALL THESE SMOKING GUNS, JESUS CHRIST.Maybe he should have spent more time in dictionary school.11:16: This guy refuses to see the evidence in front of him, you may ignore him for the rest of your life.11:17: Jonathan Turley says even his dog is mad right now in the Trump era, and his dog is a golden-doodle and they don't get mad FACTCHECK JANE YOU IGNORANT SLUT dogs are animals and they have animal instincts and they get mad sometimes. Even golden-doodles.Jonathan Turley: Stupid idiot about dogs, stupid idiot about impeachment.Oh shit, we forgot, we were supposed to be ignoring him for the rest of our life.11:19: Susan Hennessey tweeted out some words Jonathan Turley said about that time Bill Clinton got impeached for High Cums And Jizzdemeanors: 11:23: Republicans waste more time with a motion to subpoena THE WHISsleBLWER!Time having been wasted, we move to 45 minutes each of majority and minority questioning. Five minute rule, etc.11:28: Feldman again explaining why framers anticipated impeachment instead of just waiting for re-election, specifically to stop a president like Trump from using his office to abuse his power to gain something like, say, re-election.Norm Eisen takes over for the Democrats. He is a very good lawyer!11:36: Eisen's questioning is good but not that livebloggy right now. He does decide to ask Jonathan Turley a question, in order to use Turley's words against him. "Did you write that thing in the Wall Street Journal"?" "Yes, but ..." FUCK YOU, DID YOU WRITE IT? "Yes." 11:38: EISEN: Why didn't the framers write out all the high crimes and misdemeanors?KARLAN: Because they couldn't have imagined Nixon's crimes and Trump's crimes and Trump's other crimes and also these Trump crimes. Some of them involve computers, and the framers didn't even know how to computer!11:41: Interesting testimony from Karlan about how insanely concerned framers were with foreign influence. It's not just this impeachment hullabaloo and Trump soliciting foreign interference in his re-election. They put the Emoluments clause in there to keep presidents from being influenced by foreign gifts. They put the "president has to be a natural-born citizen" thing in there, because they were specifically concerned about the president being susceptible to foreign influence. (Shoulda put a "President Should Not Be Russian Asset" clause in there, but we guess that falls under the high crimes and misdemeanors they couldn't have imagined.)11:47: LOL: Back to hearing:EISEN: The framers did list treason and bribery. Did Trump do bribery?KARLAN: Yeah no duh.EISEN: Tell me why.KARLAN: OK I will tell you why.Also here is a fun fact: 11:51: EISEN: Hey remember that time Gordon Sondland testified that there was a quid pro quo and "everybody was in the loop"? Is that bribery?KARLAN: That is so very bribery!11:52: PAM KARLAN SPENT HER ENTIRE THANKSGIVING READING THESE FUCKING TESTIMONY TRANSCRIPTS AND IT TOOK HER SO LONG SHE HAD TO EAT A TURKEY THAT WAS DELIVERED IN AN ENVELOPE BY A MAILMAN AND YOU ARE GOING TO ACT LIKE SHE HASN'T PREPARED FOR THIS HEARING, DOUG COLLINS, YOU DUMB YAP-ASS FUCKHEAD?11:55: MICHAEL GERHARDT: "If this isn't impeachable, nothing is impeachable."JONATHAN TURLEY (IMPLIED): "CLINTON BLOWJOBS IS IMPEACH! BUT ONLY THAT!"11:57: EISEN: Again, does it matter that Trump was too stupid to pull of his crime?FELDMAN: His inability to finish is a personal problem, not a constitutional one.12:05: Feldman gets laughs from the room when he responds to Trump's idiot belief that Article II says he can do "whatever I want" by saying as somebody who gives a shit about the Constitution, it struck a certain kind of horror in him.Eisen now questioning Gerhardt about all the one million times Trump obstructed the Mueller investigation, on top of how he has obstructed this investigation. Impeach!12:08: Pam Karlan reads a quote about how foreign interference in election goes against every fiber of our democracy and says YOU KNOW WHO WROTE THAT? THAT WAS BRETT KAVANAUGH. THAT'S RIGHT, EVEN BOOFDRUNK MCGOO GETS IT.12:09: And now the Democratic questioning is over. Before the Republicans get their turn, Nadler calls for a "humanitarian recess," which is his way of saying "EVERYBODY GO POOP." This makes Doug Collins laugh, because he knows about pooping.12:11: Since we are on a short break, you should know there is a new Wonkette post about foreign leaders doing foreign interference to Donald Trump's feelings, by making fun of him at NATO.Again, just a short break, so come right back!12:28: Just about to gavel back in, let's go!12:31: Doug Collins starts by wasting time bitching in his redneck accent about wanting a minority hearing and blah blah blah. Says Adam Schiff is "withholding" evidence, and that the ICIG's testimony is still a "secret" and blah blah blah.Also asserts that the Republican questioning, which is "phase two," will be "problematic." Does not specify who it will be problematic for.Anyway, it is time for Jonathan Turley to get all the questions, because he is a moron, and that's who Republicans like.12:34: Collins bitches that he is cold and his chair is uncomfortable.Jonathan Turley whines that "bribery" has a new definition and doesn't mean "bribery" anymore, QED YOU GUYS.12:39: It gives Jonathan Turley no joy to disagree with his colleagues, not least because it exposes how he is bad at law whereas they are good at it.12:41: Jonathan Turley doesn't see evidence of a crime here, not like when he saw Bill Clinton's jizz everywhere, that was EVIDENCE.12:42: Jonathan Turley does not believe obstruction of justice happened here, because he doesn't like how fast impeachment is going, and if Jonathan Turley does not like how fast it is, that means it is not obstruction.It is just law, did you even go to law school.12:45: This guy is a walking, belching example of the fact that "book smart" does not always equate to "actual smart." Some people are just good at school. This guy has a lot of "good at school" credentials, and yet we, who have not been to law school, can tell he is a dipshit. 12:46: Doug Collins interrupted Jonathan Turley to tell him he was gdoing a good job, you guys. 12:47: Turley says CONGRESS is abusing power by ... going to court to get the Trump administration to comply with lawful subpoenas? We don't know.Also Turley talked by himself for about 100 minutes, because the GOP's entire thing here is "Please help us, professor!"12:52: Doug Collins asks a bullshit lie question about how the Democrats can't decide what crime Trump committed, going from "quid pro quo" to "bribery" to whatever, because of "poll-testing." Jonathan Turley, a fucking idiot, accepts the premise of Collins's question, because he is not smart enough to realize all these words, for these purposes are interchangeable synonyms. We use all of them to refer to Trump's crimes! Just like we use "moron" and "dipshit" and "fuckbrain" and "Foghorn Leghorn doing bath salts" to describe Doug Collins. They are all interchangeable!12:55: It is finally time for the GOP lawyer, who can't be as stupid as Castor in the Intel Committee hearings, but this is the GOP, so we might be surprised. Note how they haven't asked anybody but Turley questions, because they are scared of the people who know things.This is a good suggestion: 12:57: Jonathan Turley thinks that because we haven't had many impeachments in our history, we shouldn't do one now, because #reasons.Also civility. Remember how even his golden-doodle dog is mad? His golden-doodle dog is not being very civility.1:00: GOP says something about how most lawyers supported Hillary Clinton, dunno, we missed it. Maybe he was trying to prove that education has a well known liberal bias.1:01: Hey you guys, doesn't Jonathan Turley have a stupid smile? He is bad at smiling. He should consider never smiling again.Anyway, besides Turley's garbage reading of history and law and whiny-ass appeals to civility, the GOP's entire argument today is that impeachment is TOO FAST. This is stupid.1:08: Oh good, now the GOP lawyer is going to argue that Trump's Ukraine conspiracy theories are legitimate points of inquiry, particularly as regards Trump wanting investigations into the Bidens, even though that have been entirely debunked forfuckingever.1:12: Turley says there was a MASSIVE and GIANT and STICKY record in the Clinton impeachment, but there's just no proof here. Mmhmm.Also seems to believe there HAS to be a quid pro quo (there was, it's been established), and we guess is just not aware of the law that says it's illegal for presidents to solicit foreign help to steal elections. 1:16: Well THAT was boring and stupid. Jerry Nadler notes that if Trump had agreed to participate, this is the point where they would get to call their own witnesses. Oh well they didn't.Questioning begins!NADLER: Noah Feldman, explain why Jonathan Turley is a moron about "bribery."FELDMAN: *Explanation of why Turley is a moron.*NADLER: Professor Gerhardt, explain why Jonathan Turley is a moron about "obstruction of justice."GERHARDT: Yes, sir, I can do that!1:19: NADLER: Pam Karlan, feel free to add some reasons Turley is an idiot.KARLAN: *throws shoe at Jonathan Turley*1:21: DOUG COLLINS is VERY MAD that one of the witnesses said the framers would have found Trump guilty YEW DON'T KNOW YEW DON'T KNOW! YEW DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FRAMERS THINK! Giphy 1:28: ZOE LOFGREN: How do Trump's crimes compare to Nixon's crimes?KARLAN: Oh, Trump's are worse. Nixon's shit was domestic. Trump's endangers national security.GEPHARDT: What she said.1:36: We are on break! Ari Melber is making fun of Jonathan Turley A LOT on MSNBC saying we've heard lots of cool ideas from Turley on constitutional amendments he might like. For instance, Turley would like for impeachment to actually require a specific crime. It does not. And Turley says impeachment shouldn't be this fast. That's not Constitution. All of MSNBC is giggling.1:47: Panelist on MSNBC, a law professor (we forget his name) makes good point about Turley, which is that he was not only wrong, but also BORING. Says law professors have this way sometimes of "navel-gazing" about shit that is totally boring to people who are not in law school or law professors. Considering how the average Republican is ... not that ... this is a bad day for Republicans. 2:16: Many are noting that Pam Karlan gave one of the clearest analogies ever for what Trump did, comparing it to if Trump had said "I would like you to do me a favor though" to the governor of Texas after a massive hurricane.Here's the video and transcript, because you'll want to save and remember this one. Imagine living in a part of Louisiana or Texas that's prone to devastating hurricanes and flooding. What would you think if you lived there and your governor asked for a meeting with the president to discuss getting disaster aid that Congress has provided for? What would you think if that president said, "I would like you to do us a favor? I'll meet with you, and send the disaster relief, once you brand my opponent a criminal."Wouldn't you know in your gut that such a president has abused his office? That he'd betrayed the national interest, and that he was trying to corrupt the electoral process? I believe the evidentiary record shows wrongful acts on those scale here.Replace "hurricane" with RUSSIA IS KILLING OUR PEOPLE RIGHT NOW, and you've got it.2:38: We are almost back! Witnesses are sitting down and stuff. Finish whatever you are doing!2:46: OK, back! Claire McCaskill just made fun of Jonathan Turley on TV and called him "lame," noting that his argument was basically "IF Trump did this, then that is bad!" But he just doesn't think it's been proven, because he's an idiot.GOP idiot Jim Sensenbrenner's questioning begins with him filibustering for 100 minutes. Maybe he will ask a question. Maybe not. Either way, you may ignore.2:47: Sensenbrenner says there should have been an impeachment when JOE BIDEN did the UKRAINE, which was ... oh yeah, he was actually just delivering the policy of the Obama administration and the entire rest of the western world. He wasn't trying to bribe Ukraine into helping him steal an election.GUESS THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.He still hasn't asked a question. That is how you know Republicans know this is going fucking bad for them.2:49: SENSENBRENNER: Jonathan Turley, I am not scared of you, because you are dumb like me. Isn't Joe Biden worse than Trump?TURLEY: I ... cannot actually go down that road with you?SENSENBRENNER: Oh, fiddlenuts!2:51: Sheila Jackson Lee, a real member of Congress, takes her turn. Holds up Mueller Report and the House impeachment report and asks Pam Karlan if that is a THIN record or a THICK record. (It is thick.)Karlan says it's thick and also notes that it's helpful to look at Trump's crimes as part of a series of crime waves.Karlan also gets a laugh, talking about the difference between presidents and kings, saying Trump can "name his son Barron, but he can't MAKE HIM a baron." 2:54: Karlan notes that foreign interference makes us less free, but we would note that the entire GOP is behind Trump's anti-American crimes because they don't believe in democracy or American freedom anymore because they can't win free and fair elections in the United States. Sure, they'd get a few seats in Congress in a non-gerrymandered situation, but they wouldn't ever have a majority again. They'd lose so many states if voter suppression went away. And so on.Anyway, time for stupid Republican Steve Chabot, who represents Stupid-Town, Ohio. Just kidding, he reps Cincinnati, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND ELECT AN ACTUAL CONGRESSMAN, CINCINNATI.2:58: Chabot is quoting words from Jerry Nadler two decades ago during the Clinton impeachment about how party-line impeachments are bad, etc., which would be more clever if the GOP hadn't fully transitioned into an authoritarian crime party in the last two decades. 2:59: By the way, Chabot doesn't have a question because he's scared of the smart witnesses and the GOP knows Jonathan Turley's testimony went over like pubic lice.3:01: Rep. Steve Cohen (D-Memphis) is very pained by this process and takes no pleasure in it, which is why he brought this toy chicken to use as a prop, just kidding, he didn't do that this time.3:03: Cohen asks if it's clear that Trump was acting for his own interest. Karlan says yes, and the clearest example of that is that Trump, according to HIS AMBASSADOR GORDON SONDLAND, did not actually give a shit about whether Ukraine did investigations into Biden, he cared that they announce them on CNN. It was all for his own domestic political errand, as Fiona Hill put it. Cohen concludes by calling Jonathan Turley an idiot to his face.GOHMERT TIME!3:07: GOHMERT MAD HOW CAN YOU SAY THE FACTS ARE UNDISPUTED, I DISPUTE THE FACTS! Gohmert is also mad because nobody will call "the critical witnesses," by which he means people who will spew Russian propaganda about fake Ukraine election interference.Louie Gohmert does not have a question, by the way.3:11: HANK JOHNSON: Jonathan Turley says we should slow down impeachment because TOO FAST. Trump is soliciting foreign interference right now from multiple nations, including Ukraine, Russia and China. Is Jonathan Turley dumber than dogshit or smarter than dogshit?PAM KARLAN: Dumber.3:14: Noah Feldman notes that when Trump said "I would like you to do us a favor though" to Volodymyr Zelenskyy, it might be one thing if he was saying that and the favor was in the United States's national interest. But it wasn't. It was a political favor FOR HIM.And yes, it was a demand. "There's simply no way for the president of Ukraine to refuse," like many impeachment witnesses, including Lt. Col. Alex Vindman explained. The power disparity between the two is so vast. JIM JORDAN TIME AIYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!3:18: Jim Jordan begins by yelling. He doesn't have a question. Then he yells more. He says Jonathan Turley was wrong about a thing. Jim Jordan is upset because Adam Schiff did closed door hearings. Jim Jordan is not wearing a fucking suit, as usual. Jim Jordan appears to buy his clothes at a feed store. Jim Jordan is still yelling. Jim Jordan cuts to the chase. Jim Jordan says the facts are not on the Democrats' side, which must be why he is yelling and not asking the witnesses for some facts. Jim Jordan yells some more. Jim Jordan pronounces Kyiv like "KEEV" now, like a common educated person. Next Jim Jordan will be talking about PAH-KEE-STAN, even though that is the gay Obama way of saying it. Jim Jordan is so excited. Jim Jordan is so excited. Jim Jordan is scared. Jim Jordan is mad Nancy Pelosi called Trump an "impostor." Jim Jordan is mad Democrats won't accept the will of "the American people," by which he means the small minority of white Americans who voted for Trump, and also the "Russian govermment" type of American.Jim Jordan is finished now.3:24: Hahaha, Pam Karlan is awesome. She just said MAYBE when Trump did "Russia if you're listening," he was just a lowly stupid reality TV star who didn't know better. When he did UKRAINE IF YOU'RE LISTENING, he had been president for three fuckin' years, my god.3:28: GOP Rep. Ken Buck's questioning is basically "HERE ARE SOME TIMES LOTS OF OTHER PRESIDENTS ABUSED THEIR POWER. DON'T YOU THINK IF THEY GOT AWAY WITH IT TRUMP SHOULD TOO?"Of course, he's citing literally fake things like Obama lying about BENGHAZZIIIIII!11!1!1!!!!!But he's also listing some actual shitty things other presidents did.Jonathan Turley agrees that according to the Democrats' reasoning, maybe some of these things were impeachable. Point ... not Republicans? 3:30: JONATHAN TURLEY: Do we really want to impeach presidents for BETRAYING AMERICA? Slippery slope!3:34: Referring back to Ken Buck's weird-ass questioning, where he referred to former presidents doing WIRE TAPPS of opponents, Pam Karlan says actually yeah ordering WIRE TAPPS is impeachable, according to THE LAW THAT WAS PASSED IN 1968, JESUS CHRIST.3:36: John Ratcliffe commends Jonathan Turley for being intellectually honest enough to acknowledge that Donald Trump's balls taste like Kit-Kats and his robes are flowing and his heart is pure, we dunno, something like that.3:39: OK, you can only go on a date with one. John Ratcliffe or Jonathan Turley. SELECT YOUR AFTERNOON DELIGHT.3:41: Ratcliffe's questioning ends with Turley agreeing that Trump has committed no crimes, because of how Turley is too stupid to see the evidence screaming in his face.3:43: Cedric Richmond helps Turley out by showing him video of all the evidence, even the witness testimony that Republicans think bolsters their case. Turley kind of had a look on his face the whole time but we didn't screengrab it, sorry.3:45: RICHMOND: Hey smart witnesses, do we have enough evidence here?SMART WITNESSES: Good golly fuck, yes.3:47: MARTHA ROBY GOP IDIOT FROM ALABAMA: Hillary, were you alone THE WHOLE NIGHT of Benghazi? OH SHIT WHERE AM I?3:54: Hahahahaha, PAM KARLAN AGAIN. Notes that when Trump said, "Do US a favor though" to Zelenskyy, when what he meant was do ME a favor, he really shouldna said that, because "ONLY KINGS USE THE ROYAL 'WE.'"Anyway, that came from Hakeem Jeffries's questioning. MATT GAETZ TIME! MAYBE HE WILL ORDER PIZZA AND BRING HIS CELL PHONE INTO A SCIF.GAETZ: Professor Gerhardt, YOU GAVE MONEY TO BARACK OBAMA!GERHARDT: My family did.GAETZ: Noah Feldman, YOU WROTE ARTICLES MEAN TO TRUMP!FELDMAN: Impeachment is good whenever presidents abuse their power. Trump happens to do that a lot.GAETZ: Pam Karlan, YOU GAVE MONEY TO ELIZABETH WARREN AND OBAMA AND MORE TO HILLARY! WHY MORE TO HILLARY!KARLAN: I've been giving money to help poor people and stuff.GAETZ: You said a mean thing on a podcast about conservatives that I am going to take out of context!KARLAN: And I will put it back into context for you, dipshit.GAETZ: I am a dumb wide-faced asshole who is making a clip for "Hannity" right now! You made a joke that had "Barron Trump" in it!Gaetz ends by yelling that if doing WIRE TAPPS to a candidate is bad, he's really excited for the IG report on Obama doing WIRE TAPPS to Trump, because we guess he hasn't heard the news.OK fine, you may also select the afternoon delight of Matt Gaetz if you'd like. We can tell you have a crush. 4:04: By the way, all the FAMOUSLY stupid Republicans have now had their turn. All remaining Republicans are stupid, but not famous. Some good Dems coming, though.4:07: Um, some Republican, Mike Johnson of Louisiana, making a speech. He is also mad that Democrats keep saying the facts are undisputed, just because they're undisputed, UNFAIR.4:12: ERIC SWALWELL: I see you, Jonathan Turley. I am a former prosecutor. I know what it looks like when defense attorneys ain't got shit and still have to try to represent their clients.TURLEY: AIYYEEEEEEEEEEEEYEYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!SWALWELL: Here's a time you testified some bullshit in a different impeachment hearing. Spoiler, nobody listened to you, because of how U R DUM.4:33: And it is back! We forgot to say there was a break.Dumbfuck Republican congressman Andy Biggs wants to point out that Trump DID say he wanted Zelenskyy to do AMERICA a favor -- "I would like you to do US a favor, though, because our COUNTRY has been through a lot" -- by investigating the Bidens. Because Republican garbage humans think that is the national interest, to lick Trump's balls and help him cheat to win an election the people of America would never give him in a free and fair vote. That's what the GOP is now.4:37: Andy Biggs doesn't have a question, by the way. 4:42: Stupid fuck GOP Rep. Tom McClintock thinks it's OK to ask the witnesses who voted for Trump. Pam Karlan was like THE FUCK YOU SAY! Time was suspended, and witnesses were assured they did not have to answer that. Fucking Tom McClintock.By the way, this hearing's gonna go another couple hours -- a basic thing to remember is that the House Judiciary Committee is HUGE therefore its hearings take HUGE MINUTES AND HOURS -- but we're gonna wrap up this liveblog soon and assume that if something important happens, we will find out about it on Twitter or on Rachel Maddow. So before we all leave, please remember that Wonkette is ONLY funded by you, the lovable and lovely readers, and we here at Wonkette have salaries and benefits and all of that. So if you enjoy Wonkette liveblogs, click below and donate.Thank you we love you. And yeah, we are wrapping up. There will be an end of day post going up in ... 14 minutes! FYI! Or stay here and watch the hearing! We don't care!Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • ICE Made Up A Fake University To Trap Foreigns, Betsy DeVos SO JEALOUS
    We sure wouldn't want this story to be lost in the Thanksgiving news crater. Friday, while we were all digesting our cranberry business or sliding off roads after Google Maps lied to us (no injury, minor damage, we have insurance), the Detroit Free Press was bringing America an update on a sleazy sting operation ICE used to arrest some 250 immigrants, mostly students who'd legally entered the US from India and then lost their student visas. (The Washington Post also wrote it up Saturday.) The scam was simple enough, as WaPo summarizes: The University of Farmington, a fictitious school that U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement marketed as a hub for STEM students who wanted to enroll and not "interrupt their careers," had a fake name, a fake website and a fake motto on its fake seal. "Scientia et Labor," the seal said, which means "Knowledge and Work."Also, despite having a fake seal just like Trump University did, you can't blame Trump or even Stephen Miller for this one, since as the Free Press reports, the "University of Farmington" sting got rolling under the Obama administration, in 2015. But in 2017, with Trump's Deport Everyone agenda in full swing, Homeland Security expanded the operation, with agents from ICE's Homeland Security Investigations division (HSI) setting up a fake office for the university and hiring "recruiters" to help sell the fake school to immigrants trying to stay in the USA. Lawyers for some of the recruiters have argued their clients were victims of entrapment, since they were told the university was perfectly legitimate. As of Friday, the scheme has resulted in 250 arrests. Out of those, ICE says 80 percent "voluntarily" left the USA; 10 percent have been given final deportation orders, and the rest are contesting their deportation in one forum or another. The eight recruiters all pleaded guilty, too, despite the iffy tactics employed by ICE in the investigation, which included telling the recruiters they'd get tuition credit for recruiting other students. Again, the government insists this is all excellent law enforcement, since those the scam caught really did have expired visas, and should have known the school was fraudulent since there were no classes, no classrooms, and no real degrees. Therefore, we should overlook some of the scummier parts of the operation, like the real-looking website, the agents posing as administrators and even assuring the "recruiters" it was all legal, or the lengths HSI went to to make it seem like the university might be a real school, or at least a fake school that had really fooled the feds. Here's our favorite detail, from the Free Press story. As part of its sting, DHS didn't just create fake logos and letterhead and websites. It actually faked the school's government credentials.[The] Department of Homeland Security had said on its website that the university was legitimate. An accreditation agency that was working with the U.S. on its sting operation also listed the university as legitimate.WaPo details other elements of the sting, which presumably the targeted immigrants should have seen through because, again, no actual classes or campus: From the outside, the University of Farmington appeared legitimate, touting on its fake website the number of languages spoken by its president (four) and the number of classes taught by teaching assistants (zero). Photos of the campus showed students lounging around with books on a grassy quad or engaged in rapt conversation in its brightly lit modern library. Tuition was relatively reasonable — $8,500 a year for undergraduates and $11,000 a year for graduate students.The prosecutors say that since the recruiters and the "students" all knew the school was fake, and the main business of the school involved creating fake documents to illegally extend the migrants' stay in the US, there was no entrapment, just a lot of willing participants in a fraud. "Their true intent could not be clearer," Assistant U.S. Attorney Brandon Helms wrote in a sentencing memo this month for [Prem] Rampeesa, one of the eight recruiters, of the hundreds of students enrolled. "While 'enrolled' at the University, one hundred percent of the foreign citizen students never spent a single second in a classroom. If it were truly about obtaining an education, the University would not have been able to attract anyone, because it had no teachers, classes, or educational services."Rahul Reddy, an attorney representing about 80 people caught in the sting, told the Free Press he thinks it's pretty scummy behavior, especially given that immigration courts don't offer the same protections as normal federal courts: They should not punish these people who were lured into a trap [...] These people can't even defend themselves properly because they're not given the same rights in deportation proceedingsReddy also said he believed the government "made a lot of money" off all that tuition from the "students," which we suppose might get confirmed if Donald Trump tweets about what a brilliant scheme it was. Never mind, though, they're all criminals, and now America is safe from another 250 people who don't belong there. That certainly seems worth whatever the costs might have been for a multi-year operation, huh? Meanwhile, REAL scam colleges get a free pass from this administration, la dee da, la dee da, the end. [Detroit Free Press / WaPo / Free Press / Detroit News]Yr Wonkette is supported entirely by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the lights on and pay the writers! Unless it's dirty money, because the ends do not justify the means. How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • This F*cking Guy! Wonkagenda For Wed., Dec. 4, 2019
    Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today. At 10 a.m. the House Judiciary Committee will start the next phase of the impeachment proceedings of Donald Trump. As usual, you can watch the whole thing on C-SPAN, and follow along with Evan on our liveblog. Multiple news outlets think the hearings will devolve into a three-ring shitshow after the House Intel Committee released its report showing Trump "placed his own personal and political interests above the national interests of the United States" in attempting to solicit a bribe from a US ally in exchange for military aid to boost his own chances in 2020.Politico is reporting that Michael Gerhardt, a constitutional law professor at the University of North Carolina called as a witness by House Democrats, plans to say "The president's serious misconduct, including bribery, soliciting a personal favor from a foreign leader in exchange for his exercise of power, and obstructing justice and Congress are worse than the misconduct of any prior president," according to a copy of his opening statement. The Fastest, Easiest Way To Understand The Impeachment Report | Rachel Maddow | MSNBC One of the more interesting nuggets buried in the report was that Rudy Giuliani had a bunch of curious PHONE CALLS with key members of the Trump administration involved in the Ukrainium One plot around the same time that Giuliani was cooking up his "drug deal," and with the ranking Republican on the House Intel Committee, Devin Nunes.Devin Nunes is suing CNN for $435 million after the outlet reported his ALLEGED trip to Vienna last year to dig up "dirt" on Joe Biden. Nunes isn't technically denying anything, though Nunes did tell Breitbart the story -- which is sourced to the lawyer repping one of Rudy Giuliani's indicted lackeys, Lev Parnas -- was "demonstrably false." Last night Nunes went on Hannity, to maybe admit phone calls with Parnas: "It's possible. I haven't gone through all my phone records. I don't really recall that name. I remember the name now because he's been indicted ... And I will tell you this, that, you know, anything that we have from Parnas and his lawyers, whatever game they're up to, we're going to work directly with the Justice Department to make sure that these guys aren't just trying to obstruct justice, to obstruct our congressional investigation or lie to Congress. I can guarantee you that. I don't know what these guys are up to. But the long arm of the law is going to catch them."During a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing, David Hale, the State Department's undersecretary for political affairs, shot down the Ukrainium One conspiracy theory being peddled by Republicans, saying, "Yes, the intelligence community assessed that Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered an influence campaign in 2016 aimed at our presidential election."House Democrats took a moment out from their busy impeachment schedule to pass a resolution disapproving of Russia's participation in future G7 summits by a vote of 339-71. Considering there were only 71 "No" votes, a hell of a lot of Republicans voted in favor of the resolution.We Build the Wall, the shady group led by Steve Bannon and pro-Trump grifter Brian Kolfage, have been ordered by a Texas judge to stop all construction on Trump's Tortilla Curtain due to possible "imminent and irreparable harm" to the National Butterfly Center, a local wildlife refuge. The Washington Post reports the group may try and move ahead with construction anyway, quoting Kolfage in an email saying, "I would put a 50/50 chance this is fake news, and if it's not it will be crushed legally pretty fast." Last night a man in a hard-hat ID'd only as "Foreman Mike" shitposted in a video from Kolfage that the group needed more money (natch) in order to "supercharge" the project and complete it by Jan. 15, 2020. Illinois Nazi Art Jones has once again filed to run for Congress in the Illinois Third. Instead of an admitted white supremacist and Holocaust denier running uncontested for the Republican nomination (again), Illinois Republicans will have a choice between a local county GOP Board member and a suburban real estate broker. Over in the Democratic primary, progressive candidate Marie Newman picked up an endorsement from the SEIU in her primary challenge against "social-conservative" DINO Rep. Dan Lipinski. The NATO meetings have been the complete clusterfuck that anyone with half a brain could have predicted. Yesterday French President Emanuel Macron, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau appeared to mock Trump in a short video obtained by the CBC. This morning, Princess Anne, the only daughter of Queen Elizabeth, stood back from a reviving line for Trump and Melon, simply shrugging when the Queen looked over questioningly. Yesterday Trump seemed to suggest that the US could enter into a new nuclear weapons treaty with Russia and China, but that was news to the State Department, Senate Democrats, hippy peaceniks, defense hawks, and foreign policy nerds who've been waiting for Trump to rip apart the last major nuclear weapons treaty for months. Meanwhile, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un isn't paying much attention to any potential nuclear deals with the US, China, or Russia, 'cause he just fucked off up a sacred mountain on a white horse. Poor horse.Do me, yourself, conflict journalists, and the dead, innocent Syrians a favor: Bookmark this video of Russian pilots bombing civilians the next time some heartless bastard has the gall to engage in conspiracies or whataboutism when trying to argue argue the war crimes ordered by Bashar al-Assad and Vladimir Putin. On Monday retiring Chicago Police Superintendent Eddie Johnson was fired by Mayor Lori Lightfoot, and that's where the story gets interesting. Back in October Johnson was found passed out in his police SUV at late-o-clock in the morning. Johnson announced his retirement shortly thereafter -- which wasn't much of a surprise considering his history of health problems, and the fact that he never wanted the job -- but the city still went ahead with an investigation. Multiple news outlets are reporting the investigation found evidence Johnson did a little bar hopping and tried to drive his police SUV home, then tried to cover everything up after he got busted. Johnson says he "made a poor decision and had a lapse of judgment," but disputes he intentionally tried to "mislead or deceive the mayor of the people" of Chicago. Chicago reporters have since been on an epic quest to hit all the bars Johnson might have visited that night ... for science. The Daily Show's Trevor Noah points out all the random feuds and grudges Trump has with other world leaders. Trump Feuds With France at the NATO Summit | The Daily Show And here's your morning Nice Time: RED PANDAS! Red Pandas Share a Snack Follow Dominic on Twitter and Instagram!We're 100% ad-free and reader-supported, so consider buying us coffee, or get a subscription! How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Devin Nunes Just Met You And This Is Crazy But Here's His Number CALL HIM MAYBE?
    The House Intelligence Committee has released its preliminary report on Donald Trump's impeachment-worthy crimes in advance of tomorrow's first hearing in the House Judiciary Committee. Take five minutes and read all 300 pages of it!One thing reporters noticed quickly is that the report includes call logs the committee subpoenaed that show that OH BOY, committee ranking member Devin Nunes sure has spent a lot of minutes on the phone with the co-conspirators in Trump's Ukraine scheme, including Chucklefuck Lev Parnas, who is under criminal indictment, and Rudy Giuliani, whose federal indictment just might be coming any day now, MAYBE ALLEGEDLY.(Checks internet to see if Rudy's indicted yet. NOPE not yet!)There are also lots of calls between Rudy Giuliani and Mick Mulvaney's Office of Management and Budget (OMB), which you'll remember as the chop shop that chopped off Ukraine's military aid, which had already been appropriated by Congress, while Trump was committing bribery and extortion against Ukraine to pressure them into meddling in the 2020 election on his behalf. (Checks internet to see if Rudy's indicted yet. NOPE not yet!)(What about Devin? FBI mooing through his keyhole to lure him to the front porch? NOPE not right now!)In a press conference this afternoon, committee chair Adam Schiff lightly addressed the fact that maybe the guy who sits next to him in committee hearings and spews Russian propaganda might be in Big Trouble Mister, saying it's "deeply concerning that at a time when the President of the United States was using the power of his office to dig up dirt on a political rival, that there may be evidence that there were members of Congress complicit in that activity." Yeah, we'd say!(Checks internet to see if Rudy is mooing through Devin's keyhole right now. Wonkette cannot say that he is definitively not! But we can't say he is either. This parenthetical aside has nothing to do with indictments, just mooing through keyholes at Devin.)We had already been learning that -- surprise of ALL surprises! -- Devin Nunes has been super-involved in this shit, including ALLEGEDLY taking a trip to Vienna in 2018 and hiding the trip from Adam Schiff, in order to get dirt on Joe Biden from disgraced corrupt former Ukrainian prosecutor general Viktor Shokin, the guy who's been blowing these Joe Biden lies up Trumpland's ass. We say ALLEGEDLY because Devin Nunes says FAKE NEWS, and he is suing CNN for $435 million for saying FAKE NEWS about him going to Vienna. He will never see a dime of that money.Wanna see some call logs between Rudy Giuliani, Devin Nunes, and indicted chucklefuck Lev Parnas and also some other folks, including Secretary of State Mike Pompeo? Ryan Goodman tweeted a summary of what the logs show: Remember, "Harvey" refers to Derek Harvey, one of Nunes's goons. "Kash Patel" refers to "Kash Patel," one of Nunes's goons who ended up at the National Security Council. Somehow, President Dumbshit ended up under the impression that Patel was the NSC's "Ukraine expert." He was not that.Oh yeah, and "Solomon" refers to bad-faced fuckup John Solomon, who wrote all those dogshit fake news reports in The Hill about made-up allegations of Ukranian election meddling and former Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch, reports that Trump and Giuliani and Fox News slurped up like urinal cakes.Here's a closer detail of some calls between the Chucklefuck and John Solomon and Devin Nunes and Rudy Giuliani and the White House and TRUMP LAWYER JAY SEKULOW, DON'T MISS THAT ONE, from April 10 and April 12: Remember, this all happened just before Volodymyr Zelenskyy was elected president of Ukraine, and also just before the Giuliani-led campaign to oust Marie Yovanovitch as the ambassador to Ukraine finally succeeded. Wonder what those guys were all chit-chattin' about!Here's some timeline context shit, put together by Adam Klasfeld: Want more sweet delicious call logs? Here are some more calls from April 24, including Rudy G. on the phone with Mickey M.'s OMB at the same time he's talking to the White House and also of course Lev Parnas: So what were all these conversations? Again, we don't know. We're going to guess that they were committing crimes against Ukraine together and helping Donald Trump abuse his power, but it's also possible all of these people sell Arbonne and were setting up multi-level marketing skincare presentations for themselves and 500 of their closest friends.Devin Nunes hasn't responded to this, at least that we know of, but Lev Parnas's lawyer Joseph Bondy surely has: Oh yeah, by the way, on a different but obviously related subject, it appears the House Intel Committee's report confirms recent reports that the famed call where Trump told Gordon Sondland "NO QUID PRO QUO" totally fucking did not happen. So that's a thing.Anyway, like we said, you should take five minutes and read every word of the House Intel Committee's 300-page impeachment report, embedded right here for both his AND her pleasure:(Checks to see if Rudy or Devin or anybody else is indicted yet. NOPE not yet!)More hearings start tomorrow morning! OPEN THREAD starts now![House Intel impeachment report]Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Trump Goes 0 for 4,792 With The Courts, Declares FLAWLESS VICTORY!
    Another day, another court kicking Donald Trump in the dick. You love to see it! This time it's the Second Circuit, which ordered Deutsche Bank and Capital One to fork over Trump's financials in response to a House subpoena. That means we have two nut-crushers to update you on, since we we never even got to the DC Circuit telling former White House counsel Don McGahn yesterday to quit stalling and TESTIFY, BITCH. Only Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson phrased it as a Memorandum Opinion and Order Denying DOJ's Motion for a Stay Pending Appeal, because she's not a vulgar yuckmouth like some people!Which should settle the matter, but you know that whiner in the White House will just shout ARTICLE TWO!!! ARTICLE TWO!!! like he knows what it means, and force his attorneys to dump the same shit on the Supreme Court's doorstep that failed at every other court where they tried to pass it off as Shinola. He's betting it all on Chief Justice John Roberts -- and he just might be right.OYEZ!Trump v. Deutsche Bank and Capital OneThis is the case where the House Financial Services and Intelligence committees subpoenaed Trump and his businesses' financials, and the president flipped his shit. Strangely, SDNY Judge Edgardo Ramos was unpersuaded by Trump's very serious legal arguments that OVERSIGHT IS ILLEGAL and DEMOCRATS ARE MEAN and NO LEGISLATIVE PURPOSE and something something Right to Financial Privacy Act, which ... does not apply to Congress, womp womp. The Second Circuit wasn't buying it either, holding that the risk of distracting Trump from his very important Twitter duties is outweighed by Congress's obligation to do its damn job. The Committees' interests in pursuing their constitutional legislative function is a far more significant public interest than whatever public interest inheres in avoiding the risk of a Chief Executive's distraction arising from disclosure of documents reflecting his private financial transactions.Nixon had time to turn over his tapes, Clinton had time to sit for Paula Jones's deposition, and Commander Golf Pants has time to quit fucking around and let his bankers respond to a House subpoena. And if Trump's failspawn don't want their AmEx bills to wind up in Rep. Maxine Waters's inbox, they can take it up with Judge Ramos. Don't look at us, Eric's the one that said it! The ruling is on hold for seven days to give Trump an opportunity to appeal to SCOTUS. House Judiciary Committee v. McGahnJudge Ketanji Brown Jackson has had enough of the DOJ's bullshit. She's not giving the Justice Department any more time to dick around over Don McGahn's testimony, and their argument that the House can't effectively question McGahn without getting the underlying Mueller grand jury materials seems to have pushed Her Honor right over the edge. It's not every day that a federal judge says a Justice Department brief is "disingenuous, and therefore, is unpersuasive." [I]t is indisputable that the Judiciary Committee has consistently sought access to materials and testimony with respect to its investigation of the circumstances that underlie the Mueller Report, and it is DOJ's appeal that has created a delay in the execution of Chief Judge Howell's order requiring that unredacted copies of the grand jury materials be turned over to the Committee. Thus, DOJ's argument here that any further delay will not be harmful to the Judiciary Committee because, in essence, DOJ has already harmed the Committee's interests by successfully delaying its access to other materials strikes this Court as an unacceptable mischaracterization of the injury at issue. Let's translate that into English! The DOJ appealing the order to give Congress the Mueller grand jury materials and then claiming that McGahn can't possibly testify until their appeal is resolved is like Lyle and Erik Menendez throwing themselves on the mercy of the court because they are but poor, orphaned young lads. Conversely, allowing the White House to stall until Congress concludes its impeachment investigation is a REAL harm. So Don McGahn can get his scrawny ass down to Congress and start talking.This Court has no doubt that further delay of the Judiciary Committee's enforcement of its valid subpoena causes grave harm to both the Committee's investigation and the interests of the public more broadly. This is because, as the Court explained in its Memorandum Opinion, "when a committee of Congress seeks testimony and records by issuing a valid subpoena in the context of a duly authorized investigation, it has the Constitution's blessing, and ultimately, it is acting not in its own interest, but for the benefit of the People of the United States." If the DOJ wants a stay, they can take it up with the DC Circuit.So, Now What?Now we find out if Chief Justice Roberts cares more about the rule of law or boosting Donald Trump's presidency. My guess is that he votes to grant certiorari and then orders Trump to turn it all over ... some time in 2021. Have to wait and see.[Trump v. Deutsche Bank / Committee on the Judiciary v. McGahn]Follow Liz (AKA your FDF) on Twitter!You liking these lawsplainers? Please click here to keep 'em coming!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Kamala Harris Is Dropping Out, And That Makes Us Sad
    California Senator Kamala Harris is dropping out of the Democratic primary. That makes us sad. She wasn't the only candidate we liked, but she was one of the candidates we liked, and the primary was better with her in it. Primaries change a lot -- especially now that they are one million years long -- and they change fast. Harris saw this firsthand, as she kicked off her campaign with a 20,000-strong rally in Oakland, and for quite a while there seemed like she might be one of the ones to beat. She got a huge bump this summer after going toe-to-toe with Joe Biden over busing in that one debate, which had the side effect of launching Maya Rudolph into a "Saturday Night Live" guest role we will miss just about as much as we miss having Harris in the race. Later on, in another debate, Tulsi Gabbard hit Harris with a disingenous and dishonest yet well-rehearsed and well-delivered attack on her record as San Francisco DA and California attorney general. It did some damage, but to be honest, Harris's numbers had slipped quite a lot by then, and her fundraising slipped accordingly.With Harris's exit, the Democratic primary race now has one fewer woman and one fewer person of color. As with most things in political races, it came down to money. She doesn't have enough to go forward. She's probably also well aware that she'll be sitting in her seat for a month or more when the impeachment trial comes to the Senate, which would make it hard for her to campaign leading up to the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire and South Carolina primaries. (This issue will hit a couple of other people currently in the race, so if you are a Kamala-hater, keep that in mind before you do your victory jig.) Of course, this will not be the last we hear of Kamala Harris. As we mentioned, she's got important work in the Senate, both on the Intelligence and Judiciary Committees. If you enjoyed watching her smack the shit out of Jeff Sessions and Bill Barr and Brett Kavanaugh, you might get to see that more!On the campaign trail and in debates, Harris was a fan of saying -- emphasizing -- that she believed she was the best to prosecute the case against Donald Trump. Clearly she wanted to do that in a one-on-one presidential campaign, but maybe she'll end up doing that as the attorney general for the next president. (Gonna be a lot harder to pull that "Kamala is a cop!" shit when she's in confirmation hearings for the AG position. You know, unless some people aren't clear on what the attorney general does for a living. More on those attacks in a minute.)Or maybe somebody will pick her as their running mate! We just don't know. But like we said, we haven't seen the last of Kamala Harris. She's just not going to be the Democratic nominee this year.We don't feel like rehashing any of the crap about how Harris's campaign was an internal shitshow. It sounds like it was, at least in some ways. But the Beltway media has written enough articles about that, and they were all boring.As things stand right now, the following people who don't have a chance in hell of winning the nomination are still in:Michael BennetMichael BloombergJohn Delaney (for real)Tulsi GabbardDeval PatrickTom SteyerMarianne WilliamsonAndrew YangAnd also some other people. (There are 15 currently running.) But hey, like we said, primaries change. Marianne Williamson might really catch fire! Or somebody else!One more thing before we go, which we referenced above with the whole "KAMALA IS A COP" thing. We're getting to a point in the Democratic primary race where shit is getting toxic. All candidates are called upon for defending their records, and should be. But there's a difference between healthy debate and just fuckin' poisoning people, and many of the attacks on Harris that came from other candidates' supporters were either fact-free or cherry-picked poison.Lest you think we're looking at just one group of people on Twitter, we're not. People are lobbing ridiculous and poisonous attacks at Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Pete Buttigieg, and everybody else in this race who would be exponentially better at being president than Donald Goddamn Trump. We sure have learned a lot since the 2016 election, haven't we! Your chosen candidate's victory in the Democratic primary isn't a birthright, and sometime between now and next summer, somebody's going to win the nomination. Statistically, it's not going to be the person you currently love the most. Get over it. Start mentally and emotionally preparing yourself for Democracy, How Does IT Work?Again, we are running against Donald Trump.(Do you even want to see what the paste-eating goblin virgins who run the "Trump War Room" tweeted in response to Harris dropping out?)(OK fine.) What was that thing Hillary Clinton said about the Russians and the Republicans having already picked their favorite candidate? Yeah. Obviously all the nice group-hug things we have said in this post have an asterisk next to them, and that asterisk stands for "Except Tulsi Gabbard, who can GTFO." We're talking about real candidates, not chaos candidates who are beloved of Steve Bannon, as Kamala Harris pointed out in the last debate.Anyway, again, Kamala Harris's exit makes us sad, but we can't wait to see what comes next from one of our very favorites.We'll end with this tweet from Harris's husband Doug Emhoff: We're not crying, YOU'RE crying.Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Laura Ingraham Joins Other Conservatives In Grifting The Socks Off Their Supporters
    Laura Ingraham, one of the worst people alive, is charging suckers for a podcast that doesn't exist. I'd also pay to never hear Ingraham's voice, but her podcast subscribers for some reason expected more for their money. The Fox News host quit her daily radio show last year so she could spend more time being racist with her family. Ingraham could presumably record her podcast at home in her comfy slippers and white hood. She tried it for a while, like a human soul, but after a few months she tired of the podcast. The last one, featuring Newt Gingrich lying about impeachment, came out September 30. Ingraham's official website still sells advertising and $49.95 annual subscriptions for "The Laura Ingraham Podcast." The subscriptions are auto-renewable, which offers her listeners the convenience of regularly charging their credit cards until the end of time. "A source close" to Ingraham told The Daily Beast in October that the show would return. It is now December and Ingraham is too busy preparing to rob all the homes in Whoville to bother. It's not even mentioned anymore on her Twitter bio, which has resulted in desperate followers directly asking Maleficent's meaner sorority sister what's up. Suck-suck-suck-sucker!TwitterConservatives are funny. If this were a government program, they'd show a lot less patience. They spent most of Thanksgiving complaining about Medicare and the Portland Arts Tax, but they won't accept that Ingraham sold them some overpriced band equipment and skipped town. Of course, Ingraham's not an imaginary woman of color living like the Queen on the white taxpayer's dime. She's a white woman ripping off stupid white people. That's not welfare. That's white-on-white capitalism. Ingraham's not the only Republican who has perfected the art of the grift. We came up with the following examples in about .23 seconds, and didn't even try to begin to uncover the high-art grifters at the NRA. Still, here are a few.Donald Trump Jr.'s complaint-by-numbers book, Triggered, landed on the New York Times bestseller list thanks to the Republican National Committee spending almost $100,000 to help Junior feel better about himself. The expenditure was listed as "donor mementos" in an FEC filing. This is grossly unethical. The president's son shouldn't profit from his office and even Republican donors deserve better than Junior's book as a zonk prize.Former Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke resigned last year after a mostly disgraceful tenure. He tried to spend $139,000 on an office door (granted, it locked and everything). He also blew $53,000 on "unnecessary" helicopter trips, including one so he could take a romantic horseback ride with Mike Pence. Like Ingraham and Trump Jr., he also couldn't resist screwing over other conservatives, as well. This year, four PACs with connections to Zinke raised more than $2.6 million, the majority of which came from small donors. They spent $1.7 million of those funds at a handful of "swamp-like" DC vendors with the same addresses and staff. There's no evidence the PACs contributed anything of value to Republican candidates. Mike Huckabee on his diabetes infomercial: 'I don't have to defend everything I've done' Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who shares responsibility for the creation of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, appeared in informercials selling 21st Century snake oil to his gullible supporters. He suggested there was a "kitchen cabinet" cure for diabetes that combined cinnamon and chromium picolinate. (Unfortunately, my spice cabinet usually only has chromium picolinate, which is why my pumpkin pies never come out right.) Loyal Huckafans who signed up for anti-gay tirades "political commentary" also received ads in their inbox that claimed God hid "miracle cures" for cancer in the Bible. Huckabee distanced himself from most of this nonsense prior to his second failed presidential run in 2016. He assumed Americans would never vote for a sketchy con artist who went around making absurd, easily disproven statements.You really hate to see conservatives pulling fast ones on their faithful followers. I mean, you probably do. I think they had it comin'.[The Daily Beast]Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the writers paid and the servers humming. Thank you, we love you.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Forgetful Trump Doesn't Even Remember His Good Friend Prince Andrew. Oh Forgetful Trump!
    Over the weekend, BBC Panorama aired an interview with Virginia Roberts Giuffre, a woman who has said for several years that she was sex trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein and his girlfriend/partner in sex crimes Ghislaine Maxwell — and, more specifically, that one of the men she was trafficked to was Prince Andrew, Duke of York. Giuffre says that she was first approached by Epstein when she, as a teenager, was working as a locker room attendant at Mar-a-lago, and that soon after, she was flown to London to be raped by Prince Andrew. Prince Andrew, for his part, claims he never even met the girl, despite the fact that there is a photo of the two of them together. Naturally, he claims the photo was "doctored."In the interview, Giuffre describes an incident in which Prince Andrew was sweating all over her and dancing terribly, which he claims cannot be true because he "did not sweat" at the time in question, due to suffering from an actual medical condition that made it impossible for him to sweat. Unsurprisingly, there are also many pictures of him sweating. But it seems that Prince Andrew is not the only one out there with such a fabulously convenient selective memory — his buddy Donald Trump, apparently, suffers from the very same condition. During a press conference on Tuesday, reporters asked Trump, who was in London for a NATO summit, for his reaction to the fact that Prince Andrew has been asked to step back from public life, due to his questionable relationship with dead sex predator Jeffrey Epstein, with whom Trump was also friends, as well as accusations that he raped a trafficked teenage girl himself. That last "he" there, about the teen-girl-raping, refers to Prince Andrew, though we can see why you might be confused. "I don't know Prince Andrew but it's a tough story, it's a very tough story," Trump said, hoping that would be the end of that. And perhaps it would have been, if there were not multiple pictures of Donald Trump and Prince Andrew hanging out over the years — including one where Jeffrey Epstein was actually in the background. Perhaps it would have been, if they had not just had a breakfast meeting in June, during Trump's three-day visit to Britain. Now, I am not good at faces. I once introduced myself to a guy who then responded "Yeah, Robyn. I know you. We dated for like a month." I contend that this was his fault for not being compelling enough for me to remember. But I can tell you that if I met a prince, I would totally remember that. Especially if we had just had breakfast a few months ago. No one forgets meeting a Prince! I had a two-second conversation with Jared Leto when I was 19 that consisted primarily of me saying, "Why are you like that, like how you are?" and then giggling like an idiot, and I still tell that story every time his name comes up. Granted, Donald Trump has met far fancier people in his life than I have, but there is no way that dude is forgetting the times he hung out with an actual prince, barring some kind of cognitive issue. Especially considering how creepily obsessed he was with Prince Andrew's former sister-in-law, Princess Diana of Wales. There are only two possibilities here. Donald Trump is either a lying liar, or he is dealing with some pretty serious cognitive decline, in which case he simply must be declared unfit for office. I guess there is a third possibility where both of those things are true. What is not possible, however, is that he, as he says, doesn't know Prince Andrew, or that he is a normal person with a normally functioning brain who simply blanked on that time he had breakfast with a literal Prince. Just like how Prince Andrew totally blanked on, at the very least, having his picture taken with a 17-year-old girl being sex trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein. [Reuters]Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Meet Texas GOP Idiot Rep. Randy Weber. Chris Cuomo Just Ate Him On Live TV.
    Last night, we were awakened by something that sounded somewhat like Gene Kelly tap-dancing around with a severe case of the shits, if Gene Kelly had been the type who tap-danced incessantly through the house because he reaaaaaallllly needed to go outside. Alas, it was not Gene Kelly, but instead our dog, who is wearing the cone of shame right now because she has a hot spot, and she's mad because said cone of shame prevents her from eating the hot spot and making it worse, as God intended. Therefore, the incessant pitter-patter, which sounded like the resurrected Gene Kelly with a severe case of the shits.We bring this up for a couple of reasons. One, because it kept us up ALL NIGHT LONG. And two, because in our inability to fall back asleep, we ended up watching this video of CNN's Chris Cuomo making a Republican congressman tap-dance like a common Gene Kelly with the shits, but for a different reason!Is that the set-up for this video you asked for? No, but it's the ONLY ONE YOU GET.It is GOP Rep. Randy Weber, who, like many of the dumbest collections of ostensibly human cells ever to go to work in the US Capitol, is a representative from Texas. Weber had thoughts about Donald Trump's conspiracy theories about Crowdstrike, the company owned by a Ukrainian (not by a Ukrainian) which refused to give the very physically large DNC server (it's a cloud server) to the FBI, and instead buried it in the backyard of some rich guy in Ukraine, probably under the flower beds or something.Behold. Your browser does not support the video tag. WEBER: Chris, was Crowdstrike involved in the DCCC [sic] hacking? [It's the DNC, Weber can't even get this part straight.]CUOMO: Yes.WEBER: Is Crowdstrike in part owned by a Ukrainian?CUOMO: No.Now wait! Now just you wait a minute! Wait a consarn minute! Lemme get this straight!WEBER: Really?CUOMO: Yes.WEBER: That's not the information -- yes, really? That's not the information that we have.CUOMO: You have bad information.You know, it's a shame Republicans were banned from Googling things for themselves in the great Obama GOP Google Purges of 2013. Perhaps Weber wouldn't say such dumb shit if that hadn't happened.Cuomo got it a bit wrong in his response to Weber, referring to Dmitri Alperovitch, one of the co-founders of Crowdstrike, as "American-born of Russian descent." Alperovitch is actually a Russian expat, one who's been in America so long that he went to noted Ukrainian finishing school "Georgia Tech." He's an American citizen who escaped the Soviet Union with his family, moved to Canada when he was 14-ish, and then moved to Chattanooga, Tennessee, around a year after that. (We learned this by GOOGLING IT.)And Crowdstrike is the cybersecurity firm the DNC hired originally to investigate the Russian hack. Crowdstrike, an American company, has other top-level executives who are also American, and exactly zero of them are wealthy Ukrainians like known dumbshit Donald Trump thinks they are, and as he alluded to when he babbled to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy on the telephone, "they say Crowdstrike ... I guess you have one of your wealthy people ... The server, they say Ukraine has it."And yes, like many things on the internet in 2019, "the server" does not take up an entire room of physical space, but is rather in the cloud. We don't expect Donald Trump to understand "the cloud," because he is too stupid and old to grasp such a thing.(For a handy bookmark on just how screaming batshit Trump's conspiracy theory about Crowdstrike and Ukraine and THE SERVER is, The Daily Beast has a good piece.)As for Randy Weber, well yes, sir, we understand "that's not the information [you] have," and that's because you aren't well acquainted with "information," and apparently lack the opposable thumbs and evolved brain required for Googling. Cuomo went on to explain that Trump's former Homeland Security adviser Tom Bossert has said this conspiracy theory is "a joke," that approximately 75,000 experts testified in the impeachment hearings that Trump's hallucinations are bullshit, and that OH YEAH, the intel community has told Congress clearly that all the "UKRAINE IS THE REAL COLLUSION" conspiracy theories are Russian propaganda straight from the butthole of the Kremlin.Weber was not deterred:WEBER: What Trump is saying is go back and let's look at all of the information that's on the DCCC [sic] server ...CUOMO: There was no server. They operated in a cloud system! THERE IS NO SERVER TO STEAL.Randy Weber thinks it's just totally reasonable that Trump wanted Zelenskyy to investigate the imaginary server hacked and stolen by the imaginary Ukrainian, because that's an "example of corruption," and we all know how concerned Trump is with "corruption."Ayup. You betcha.There is literally no point in treating any elected Republican as a sentient or functional human being ever again, they have all malfunctioned.Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Thanks For Nothing, Rod Rosenstein!
    Rod Rosenstein is a cringing little man who once did a very good thing. He protected the Mueller investigation despite massive pressure from Trump to shut it down along with a coordinated smear campaign by Fox and the howler monkey brigade. He also threw his colleague Lisa Page to the wolves, baring her personal life and painting a target on her back, simply to buy himself an easier afternoon before the House Judiciary Committee in December 2017. And former Justice Department Spokesperson Sarah Isgur Flores, now a CNN commentator, happily helped him do it and lied about it when she got caught. So these are not good people, and they should not live this down.This story is back in the papers today because of Lisa Page's interview with Molly Jong-Fast at The Daily Beast. It's awful, and sad, and you should read the whole thing. In it, Page recounts being told that she was under investigation by the Justice Department's Inspector General, and realizing that, although she'd broken no laws, her affair with Peter Strzok was going to come out. At the end of July in 2017, I am informed by the DOJ Inspector General's Office that I'm under investigation for political text messages and honestly, I have no idea what they're talking about. I have no recollection. And initially they're very coy about it. They don't tell me much about it. I don't have the first clue what they're talking about. What I do know is that my text messages will reveal that I had previously had an affair. I'm overwhelmed by dread and embarrassment at the prospect that OIG investigators, Andy, and my colleagues, now know or could learn about this deeply personal secret.Although the IG promised not to make the affair public, of course it leaked, and of course the GOP immediately pounced on it to discredit the investigation of the Trump campaign's connections to the Russians who helped them win the election. That was inevitable -- it's just how DC works. What wasn't inevitable was the Justice Department selecting 375 of the most salacious messages and inviting reporters for a private viewing in the middle of the night on condition that they not source them to DOJ, a move calculated to make it appear as if the leaks were coming from Congress. The DOJ had already delivered the entire batch of 10,000 texts to the House and Senate Judiciary and Intel Committees, and the RNC had already gotten their hands on them somehow. But to ensure widest distribution before Rosenstein's December 13 appearance on the Hill, Isgur invited the media in for a sneak peek, off the record.Here's Isgur explaining the ground rules to BuzzFeed's Zoe Tillman, from a batch of emails dug up by the CREW crew. Because who cares about public servants' privacy and the rule of law when there's stories to be spun, right?As former DOJ spokesman Matthew Miller told Natasha Bertrand, then at Business Insider, "It's appalling behavior by the department. This is an ongoing investigation in which these employees have due-process rights, and the political leadership at DOJ has thrown them to the wolves so Rosenstein can get credit from House Republicans at his hearing today."And yet, less than a year into the Trump administration, the entire DC press seemed willing to play along with the game. Here's Matthew Alexander of NBC Universal tartly sympathizing with the drubbing Isgur took after Bertrand broke the story of Isgur's late night machinations, because, "We also know what it's like when people accuse you of bias just because of who you are/what you represent." LOL, who could possibly accuse the DOJ of bias for secretly leaking an artisanally curated collection of texts designed to discredit the Russia investigators and paint a target on their backs?The only reporter besides Bertrand who offered any serious pushback was Mark Hosenball of Thomsen Reuters, who pointed out that there was zero precedent for releasing evidence in an ongoing investigation. After which, Isgur LOST HER SHIT and accused him of badgering her and "acting like an advocate" when he pointed out that she was doing something entirely underhanded and unprecedented. Nor was Isgur's snarking that Hosenball's question had been "answered by the DAG in the hearing" entirely on the up and up. In response to a query from Rep. Hakeem Jeffries about how reporters got Page and Strzok's texts before the hearing, Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein said, "We consulted with the inspector general to determine that he had no objection to releasing the material. If he had, we would not have released it." Which was, not to put too fine a point on it, A LIE.In response to a letter from Democratic Congressman Nadler, Raskin, and Jeffries, DOJ Inspector General Michael Horowitz wrote, "The Department [of Justice] did not consult with the [Office of the Inspector General] in order to determine whether releasing the text messages met applicable ethical and legal standards before providing them to Congress. [...] The Department did not consult with the OIG before sharing the text messages with the press."As usual, Rod Rosenstein deflected and took no responsibility for throwing Lisa Page, his employee and a loyal public servant, under the bus. In response to the The Daily Beast interview with Page, he agreed that "Ms. Page received more opprobrium than she deserved for her mistakes," but claims the texts were "official government records related to FBI business and there was no legal basis to withhold them, so they should be released as requested by Congress." Which is pointedly not a defense of the DOJ leaking Page's personal communications -- which were evidence in an ongoing investigation -- to reporters in the middle of the night so they'd be public record in time for his appearance before Jim Jordan and Devin Nunes.Which is about what we've come to expect from that whinging little toady. But congrats to CNN on snagging Isgur, truly an excellent hire![DB / CREW FOIA / Business Insider / DB, again / IG Horowitz Letter to Judiciary Dems]Follow Liz (AKA your FDF) on Twitter!Please click here to support your Wonkette on this Giving Tuesday!How often would you like to donate? 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  • Who Shall Build The Wall? Oh, Just Some Fox Dude Who Loves Licking Trump's Butt
    After Donald Trump personally lobbied the Army Corps of Engineers to award WALL contracts to a North Dakota contractor who repeatedly promoted his business on Fox News, the Defense Department announced Monday it had given that company a $400 million contract to build some WALL in an Arizona wildlife refuge. The Washington Post reports the company, North Dakota-based Fisher Sand and Gravel, got a contract to build 31 miles of new WALL in the Cabeza Prieta National Wildlife Refuge in Yuma County, Arizona. And you just know this was a triumph of the free market, where the best jobs get done by the best people! Or possibly not! Trump has repeatedly pushed for Fisher to get a wall-building contract, urging officials with the Army Corps of Engineers to pick the firm — only to be told that Fisher's bids did not meet standards. Trump's entreaties on behalf of the company have concerned some officials who are unaccustomed to a president getting personally involved in the intricacies of government contracting.Trump has been enamored with Tommy Fisher, the company's chief executive, who has made multiple appearances on Fox News to promote his firm and insists that it would do a better job than those the government had already chosen. The company's attorneys did not immediately respond to requests for comment late Monday.Sometimes the Invisible Hand needs a bit of guidance, is all. As part of its May reporting on Trump's love for Fisher, the Post put together a nice collection of Tommy Fisher making his case for special treatment on Fox, because that's what democracy and free enterprise are all about: Go on the "president's" sole source of information about the world, and make your case to The American People. Or at least the one American Person who can pull the strings. How a CEO's repeated appearances in conservative media might get him the border wall contract As we've noted previously, Fisher also has other friends who have been pulling for him to get a big fat WALL contract. Fischer's a big campaign contributor to Trump's very good friend Sen. Kevin Cramer (R-North Dakota), and Cramer has previously bitched about the "arrogance" of the Army Corps when it refused to show him "proprietary information" on other companies' winning bids. Cramer has taken up the case for Fisher, who argues that he can do the job cheaper and betterer than companies the Corps has already contracted with. And who knows, maybe Fisher has also promised to add extra sharp edges and killer bees to his segments of WALL. Sen. Cramer even seems to be acting as a spokesperson for Fisher, which is a heck of a constituent service! WaPo notes Cramer issued a statement specifying the company will be putting up 31 miles of new bollard fencing, and praising the deal in general:"I am glad to see more progress being made to secure the southern border, and I am grateful to see a good North Dakota company like Fisher Industries getting some of the work," Cramer said. "I know they will do very well, performing high quality work at a good bargain, all for the security of the people of the United States."But wait, there's even more on Fisher's connections to the many fine people in the wingnuttosphere that keeps funneling ideas and staff into Trumpworld! Fisher has worked with some Trump allies — including former Kansas secretary of state Kris Kobach and ex-White House adviser Stephen K. Bannon — to build border fencing on private land using private donations. After the activist group We Build the Wall hired Fisher to construct a span of barrier outside El Paso, the company purchased riverfront property in South Texas where it said it plans to erect a 3.5-mile segment of fencing on the banks of the Rio Grande.The company's construction plan has not been approved by the International Boundary and Water Commission, which regulates construction in the Rio Grande flood plain, but Fisher and We Build the Wall have won praise from senior U.S. Border Patrol officials.That November WaPo story on Fisher's work on the private WALL offers a hint of how the company might save big money on its federal contract: After the International Boundary and Water Commission asked We Build The Wall to stop excavating on the land it bought because it had no construction permit, the outfit's grifty leader, Brian Kolfage, said nah, we'll just keep building, because freedom! "Who else loves the fresh smell of diesel in the morning when we're building the wall?" Kolfage wrote on Twitter, posting videos of the banks of the Rio Grande scraped bare by graders and bulldozers. "Does it look like we were told stop? NOPE! Burning & Churning suckers."Hey, if he's going ahead and illegally building WALL, maybe Kolfage isn't a grifter after all, just a criminal! Heck, maybe he's both! And Fisher Sand and Gravel seems an awfully convenient choice to build in a national wildlife refuge, particularly given Donald Trump's fondness for taking shortcuts around pesky little obstructions like environmental law and property rights. Ever the responsible journos, WaPo's Nick Miroff and Josh Dawsey don't come right out and say the fix is in when it comes to the awarding of a contract to Fisher Sand and Gravel. Until the inevitable documentation emerges to show Trump pulled strings, they ain't speculating. But the pieces of a $400 million scam all seem to be in place, now don't they? Time to get some FOIA requests flying, huh?Also, if you want to add one MORE tantalizing coincidence to the pile, although it's not mentioned by WaPo: The area where Fisher will be plowing up the desert, the Cabeza Prieta National Wildlife Refuge, JUST HAPPENS to be the very stretch of desert where the Trump administration has been bringing federal prosecutions against people trying to save lives of undocumented border crossers. It's the same deadly stretch of desert where several members of the group No More Deaths were prosecuted for littering, entering the refuge without a permit, and illegally going off-road, for their criminal acts of premeditatedly leaving water and food for migrants. One member of No More Deaths, Scott Warren, was also recently acquitted -- a second time! -- on felony charges for giving food and shelter to two border-crossers. Nahh, that couldn't be a factor at all. Pure coincidence. We're clearly just making up crazy conspiracy theories here. [WaPo / WaPo]Yr Wonkette is supported solely by reader donations. Please send us money so we can offer well-informed speculation on just how deep the rot goes. It would be irresponsible not to do so. How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Rep. Duncan Hunter To Plead Guilty To Multiple Counts Of Being Duncan Hunter
    Duncan Hunter, who is still a congressman somehow, has finally accepted that the In-N-Out party is over. He plans to end his yearlong legal shuck and jive and plead guilty today to an assortment of dumbass crimes. Hunter and his wife, Margaret, were indicted last year for illegally using more than $250,000 in campaign funds for fancy Italian vacations and even fancier trips to Costco. Prosecutors had these dummies dead to rights, and Margaret Hunter accepted her fate in June. She was cooperating with the prosecution, which pretty much meant Hunter's ass. The Republican congressman (still? really?) decided that he doesn't want a trial because he just realized he has children.HUNTER: I think it's important not to have a trial for three reasons and those three reasons are my kids.It's probably never a good time to pull children out of school to watch Mommy help send Daddy up the river. Although, Hunter had tried for months to stick his wife with the tab for their joint crimes. He claimed in August that Margaret "handled all the finances" as his campaign manager, and he personally never spent any money illegally. His chivalry was overwhelming, but Margaret Hunter isn't a common Felicity Huffman. She had receipts. Prosecutors also had receipts for Hunter's early morning Uber rides of shame after hooking up with multiple women who weren't Margaret Hunter. Hunter's lawyers had filed for a change of venue, preferably to the part of California where cops get away with beating up black men on camera. This motion fell on its face because Hunter literally just won re-election in his district last November, during the blue wave midterms no less. It might've saved his case and even his soul if he hadn't run a gross anti-Muslim campaign against his Democratic opponent, Ammar Campa-Najjar. It's been a ridiculous journey to this point, but Hunter is finally ready to accept responsibility for his actions because prosecutors have sealed every possible legal rat hole.HUNTER: I think it's important that people know that I did make mistakes. Oh, believe us, we know.HUNTER: I did not properly monitor or account for my campaign money.That's some passive bullshit right there. He's acting as if he looked away from the campaign money for just a second and it wandered off. Next thing he knew, the money had purchased tequila shots, video games, and airplane tickets for a damn rabbit. The money's in therapy now but the damage was still done. Hunter is only a lowlife crook who passes off his own personal expenses as "charity" or donations to veterans. He's not a woman whose scumbag ex leaked nude photos of her to conservative media, and who resigned over a relationship with a campaign staffer; rather, his affairs with congressional aides and lobbyists, paid for with campaign cash, are covered under the well-known adage that "if a Republican does it, Nancy Pelosi can't say dick." So, it's still uncertain at this time if he plans to leave Congress with only an ashtray, a paddle game, and a remote control. If he stays in office, he'll have to work remotely. Federal sentencing guidelines recommend eight to 10 months in prison. His lawyers will argue for leniency because Hunter served in the military with the distinction of never stealing anything during that time, that we know of. The sensible thing is for Hunter to resign, just like his indicted Republican brother on another coast, Chris Collins. Former Republican Rep. Darrel Issa has considered coming out of retirement for Hunter's seat. His district is so safely Republican, after all, even an accused felon can win there!However, it wouldn't surprise Yr. SER if Hunter thought he might still come out of this relatively unscathed. Sure, he'll plead guilty but maybe Donald Trump can save him from his Deep State witch hunt persecution? Hunter has advocated on behalf of accused war criminal Edward Gallagher. He identifies with Gallagher because he apparently also took trophy photos with corpses. Donald Trump personally intervened in Gallagher's case and issued pardons for some other psychopathic "war fighters." Perhaps Hunter hopes that Trump will make this December the one to remember and fill his stocking with a shiny, new pardon.[CNN / Politico]Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the writers paid and the servers humming. Thank you, we love you.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Coming IG Report Doesn't Indict FBI For Treason And Bill Barr Is Having A Sh********tfittttt
    Trump idiots have been so excited about the forthcoming report from Justice Department Inspector General Michael Horowitz on the origins of the Trump-Russia FBI investigation. Outside of their stupidity, there's no reason they should be excited, but this is what happens when you eat the stuff you cook up in your own bathtub. You know, figuratively. They have been sincerely convinced that when Horowitz finishes his look into the beginnings of the Trump-Russia FBI investigation -- just like Attorney General Bill Barr has been doing! -- that he will see the light just like they do, and determine that it was WITCH HUNT and PETER STRZOK and BRUCE OHR and THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO GET NAKED PICK-SHURES OF DONALD TRUMP! They have been certain that he will find -- just like Barr believes! -- that "spying occurred" against the Trump campaign, and that it wasn't just some kind of regular spying like you see in the old movies, no, Horowitz will determine that OBAMA PEOPLE put WIRE TAPPS inside DONALD TRUMP'S SUMPTUOUS BOTTOM.How could Horowitz find anything else? Those are just the things that happened, are we not correct?The Washington Post reported Monday night that Bill Barr is so mad because Horowitz's report is going to say ... not that. Everybody laugh at Bill Barr, he is so mad right now, all God's children point and laugh!Attorney General William P. Barr has told associates he disagrees with the Justice Department's inspector general on one of the key findings in an upcoming report — that the FBI had enough information in July 2016 to justify launching an investigation into members of the Trump campaign, according to people familiar with the matter. [...]The attorney general has privately contended that Horowitz does not have enough information to reach the conclusion the FBI had enough details in hand at the time to justify opening such a probe. He argues that other U.S. agencies, such as the CIA, may hold significant information that could alter Horo­witz's conclusion on that point, according to the people familiar with the matter who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss internal deliberations.Are you pointing and laughing at Bill Barr yet? DO IT. MAKE HIS DAY WORSE.Maybe Barr will just have to do what he did with the Mueller Report. Remember that? When Robert Mueller found massive and weird and bad collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russians (and might have found stuff that fits the legal definition of conspiracy if Paul Manafort and others hadn't lied and concealed/deleted their communications, as he explained in his report), and also laid out many examples of obstruction of justice crimes committed by Trump, Bill Barr DID NOT LIKE THAT. He wasn't hired to run the Justice Department like a grownup, he was hired to say "No Collusion!" So Barr got out in front of it, by releasing his own lie-statements about what the Mueller Report said, so that when the actual report came out, idiots were confused about what it really said, and idiots who are the president screamed about being totally exonerated.The actual origins of the Russia investigation -- no, we mean the actual origins, not the ones from Trump's late night fevershit hallucinations -- have been well-known for a while now. Trump campaign moron George Papadopoulos was drunk-blabbing to an Australian diplomat information he got from a probable Russian asset, Maltese professor Joseph Mifsud, that Russia was gonna fuck Hillary Clinton right in the emails. In response, Australia decided to alert American law enforcement. Conservatives have many conspiracy theories about this, just like they have many conspiracy theories about everything else. They think Papadopoulos was FRAAAAAAAAAMED and the Trump campaign was FRAAAAAAAAAMED and also that Joseph Mifsud wasn't a Russian asset at all, but a DEEP STATE asset, and so on and so forth. It's kind of a pattern with them, not taking responsibility for their crime waves.(This, by the way, is what Barr and US Attorney John Durham have been investigating with their weird-ass trips to Italy and other points on the globe. In response, Italy has been like "LOL fuck off. Ciao!")And of course, conservatives also have a masturbatory fantasy that text messages between Peter Strzok and Lisa Page (who has an interview out this week with Molly Jong-Fast, you should read it) exposed a for real literal actual secret society Deep State cabal in the FBI intent on taking down Trump, when the truth is closer to (AHEM!) the opposite of that. Oh yeah, and they think -- RELEASE THE MEMO! -- that there's some kind of massive fraud abuse Deep Stat-ing going on with the FISA applications for surveillance of Trump foreign policy dipshit Carter Page, because who ever heard of the FBI spying on somebody Russian intelligence had been trying to cultivate for YEARSFUCKINGYEARS, with unclear levels of success? They think the FBI relied pretty much solely on the Steele Dossier in order to secure those warrants, which is easy to disprove if you, you know, read the fuckin' warrant applications. Thing is, none of the news that's dropped about the IG report has been good for morons. The Washington Post reported before Thanksgiving that, though Horowitz will have nitpicks with this or that, particularly with a couple of low-level fuckups in the surveillance applications for Carter Page, his report will show there was no political bias for Hillary Clinton and against Trump, and that all the Fox News Trump Bill Barr conspiracies about the Trump-Russia investigation are what's known in legal circles as completely fucking bonkers. Oh yeah, and it's going to find that no, there was not any "spying" on the Trump campaign, fuck you very much, Bill Barr.So it's to be expected that Trump and Bill Barr and their devoted media organs are freaking the fuck out right now. Before last night's news about Barr being upset came out, Philip Bump had a great piece yesterday in the Washington Post on how the "Fox & Friends" idiots are tying themselves in knots like drunks playing Twister trying to spin the upcoming IG report, because of how literally nothing these idiots believe about anything is true. It's gotta sting for this to be coming out right in the middle of the impeachment inquiry into Donald Trump, which the House is undertaking for a whole different set of crimes Trump committed. Take heart, though, my brothers and sisters! There won't be a mean DOJ inspector general report about the FBI's investigation into Trump's crimes with Ukraine, because of how Bill Barr's Justice Department thought those crimes weren't even worth investigating in the first place. And why? Oh yeah, because of how Bill Barr is not really an attorney general, but rather just the president's low-rent Roy Cohn wanna-be fluffer.Remember to point and laugh, everyone! He's having a bad week.[Washington Post]Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000

New Civil Rights Movement: news and opinion focused on issues that affect the LGBTQ community

Scholars and Rogues: a diverse band of political and social analysts, activists, jesters, and troublemakers

  • Your Daily Devotional for December 5, 2019
    hey, remember when our president won every trade war and got Kim Jong-un to give up his nukes and won the Nobel Peace Prize? me neither, but I do remember when the […]
  • Your Daily Devotional for December 4, 2019
    plutocrats Bloomberg and Steyer are both less popular than ball cancer but they can finance their vanity campaigns with the vast wealth they’ve been hoarding. meanwhile Kamala Harris is forced to drop […]
  • Your Daily Devotional for December 3, 2019
    has the president’s plane taken off for London yet? good, let’s dump all his shit on the White House lawn and change the locks on America Your Daily Devotional is a lightly-edited […]
  • Blade Runner … moving forward
    November 2019, the month in which the science fiction film classic “Blade Runner” takes place, is now behind us. Any time I feel the need to masochistically induce a brain-quaking migraine, I […]
  • Your Daily Devotional for December 2, 2019
    kids are still caged, the climate is still going to shit, Nazis are still rampant and the cabinet is still full of thieves but the stupid shit spent 89 minutes in Afghanistan […]
  • 15th: ArtSunday
    15th Street before sunrise
  • To Grandmother’s house we go…
    Happy Thanksgiving from the staff at Scholars & Rogues.
  • Your Daily Devotional for November 27, 2019
    my favorite bible story is the one where Jesus tells our soldiers that it’s ok for them to commit as many war atrocities as they want, because he’ll pardon them all, and […]
  • Pete Buttigieg: new packaging for the same old shit
    Michael Harriot at The Root just took Mayor Pete to the mat. “Kids need to see evidence that education is going to work for them,” Buttigieg explained whitely, when he was running […]
  • Your Daily Devotional for November 26, 2019
    yes please explain to me one more time how our twice-divorced thrice-married degenerate president, who cheated on every wife, paid hush money and lied about it, who has mocked the weak and […]

Climate Denial Crock of the Week: Peter Sinclair, a long time advocate of environmental awareness and energy alternatives

  • Soil as the Ultimate Carbon Sink
    Wall Street Journal: AINSWORTH, Iowa—What if there was a way to combat climate change that didn’t require technological breakthroughs, carbon taxes or eliminating all fossil fuels? Such a solution might lie here in an Iowa cornfield beneath the feet of Mitchell Hora, a seventh-generation farmer. Mr. Hora experiments with “regenerative growing practices” that improve soil health, boost yields, […]
  • Gaming Climate Denial
    John Cook in Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists: How can the average person on the street—who is not a climate scientist, and more than likely has never met a climate scientist—readily discern the facts of science from the seemingly reasonable arguments of nonfactual climate denialism? Amid the constant bombardment of Tweets, Facebook ads, and sophisticated misinformation […]
  • "Bananas on Steroids" Could Help Tropics under Climate Change
  • Pelosi to Climate Conference: "We are Still In"
    Reuters: MADRID (Reuters) – U.S. House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi took her duel with Donald Trump to a climate summit on Monday, pledging that Congress would urgently tackle global warming despite the president’s opposition to an international pact. “By coming here we want to say to everyone we are still in, the United States […]
  • French Fries Fall Victim to Wild Weather
    Early warning of climate caused food pinch. America’s favorite vegetable dish endangered.We appear to be still very much under the influence of the weather patterns as we saw in winter/spring of the year – described by scientists above.I have concerns for the coming winter. Bloomberg: Potato processors are rushing to buy supplies and ship them […]
  • The PETM: Traces of Past Warming
    Videos sent to me by a scientist friend describe field investigations into a period that might be a model for our own.The PETM, Paleocene-Eocene Thermal Maximum. Thinking in geologic time is a skill humans may have to learn to survive the current era.
  • The Waterfalls of Greenland
    Above, a moulin recorded in Southwest Greenland, summer 2014. Washington Post: A cerulean lake consisting of glacial meltwater on the surface of the Greenland ice sheet, located about 18 miles from where the Store Glacier meets the sea in west Greenland, briefly became one of the world’s tallest waterfalls during the course of five hours […]
  • How Climate Warming Targets African Fishermen
    Washington Post: TOMBWA, Angola — His ancestors were Portuguese colonialists who settled on this otherworldly stretch of coast, wedged between a vast desert and the southern Atlantic. They came looking for the one thing this barren region had in abundance: fish.  By the time Mario Carceija Santos was getting into the fishing business half a […]
  • Largest Euro Battery will not be Li-On
    The Chemical Engineer: HIGHVIEW Power, the designer and developer of the CRYOBattery, is to build what it claims will be Europe’s largest battery storage system, in the North of England. The project will also be the UK’s first commercial cryogenic energy storage facility at large scale. The 50 MW/250 MWh clean energy storage facility could help […]
  • We're Falling Short: Climate Report Grim
    Popular Mechanics: The United Nations released an exceptionally bleak report today, which warns that, at the current pace of greenhouse gas emissions, global temperatures will rise by as much as 3.9 degrees Celsius (almost 7 degrees Fahrenheit) by 2100.  The report, published by the United Nations’ Environment Programme, aims to compare current rates of greenhouse gas emissions […]


Title image: Bizarro, by Dan Piraro.

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