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  • Deleted Emails: What Kind Of Socialist Owns A Website, Anyway?
    For a change of pace, Yr Dear Shitferbrains is going old school today, without any deleted comments at all, but instead some old-fashioned emails to Yr Editrix and the writing staff. Or maybe, considering the content of the emails, could be we're just going preschool. Our first missive comes from "Clint G." who has detected a hilarious example of RANK HYPOCRISY ON THE LEFT!!! Clint wrote Yr Editrix with a challenge (heading: "school me" -- that's just sad) because he is far smarter than the lady who calls herself "Commie Girl":Ma'am,Are you planning on passing the earthly fruits of you labor on to your daughter at some point? From your web page "lives in Montana with her husband and baby daughter, Wonkette's Future Overlord".I'm seeing a flaw in your communist, anti personal property, you didn't build that philosophy.Either I can't follow the textured nuances of your brilliant self, or you think you are one of the pigs who is more equal than other pigs. I suspect the latter.If you ever grow up and/or read a couple of history books you are going to be so embarrassed and ashamed of yourself. Any thinking person who reads your stuff thinks you are a BFJ. Best of luck...GOTCHA! You can't be a commie AND say your Wonkette Preschooler will someday own all this, because commies don't believe in personal property, and obviously you are dumm and uneducated and all the other commies will hate you now and you will be one of the first they betray and send to the Gulag, FOOL! We're guessing "BFJ" is "big fucking joke," or maybe "Badass Feminist. Jaded."Also, gratuitous Animal Farm reference thrown in because everyone knows Soviet socialism is the only way socialism has ever been done, and Scandinavia just plain doesn't exist, and also lifelong socialist George Orwell was a big fan of capitalism, you betcha. Clearly, we are unable to handle that brilliant gotcha, so instead we'll just offer thoughts and prayers for poor "Clint," that he will not be crushed by that huge New Soviet Strawman.Another great human being who Knows Things Good sent Yr Editrix a threat -- not for her, but for Wonkette founder Ana Marie Cox, who left the editorship of this little mommyblog a dozen years and three owners ago. You see, Cox made wingnuts super mean mad last week for saying some utterly low-down, terrible things about Brett Kavanaugh on the Lawrence O'Donnell show. Seriously, just the vilest slander humanly possible. You simply won't believe the foul evil thing she said!!!!! Cox outrageously suggested that this story would somehow be traumatic to victims of rape -- both women and men, even -- and gave out the hotline number for the National Sexual Assault Hotline, as if sexual assault were even a thing people might think of when a Supreme Court nominee were accused of attempted sexual assault. Then she said -- in the words of Ben Shapiro -- the most disgusting thing anyone has said about Brett Kavanaugh, and if Ben Shapiro doesn't know what's disgusting, then who does? We need to judge Brett Kavanaugh, not just by what he may or may not have done, but how he treats a woman's pain. And that is something I'm going to be paying attention to on Monday. How does he respond to what's happening. Whether or not he agrees that this happened with her, does he take her pain seriously? Do the people interrogating her take her pain seriously? Now, I'll give you a spoiler alert, I don't think Brett Kavanaugh takes women's pain very seriously, and I know that because of the decisions he's made as a judge.Good heavens. You mean even a man who insists he's innocent is expected to have empathy for rape victims? Disgusting! Shapiro explained why this is bad: obviously the crazed feminist lady expect Kavanaugh to feel sorry for the woman who's falsely accusing him of rape, and that's "a morally abhorrent statement," because how dare she! If you aren't a rapist, you don't need to have empathy for anyone. If you want to get all nitpicky, Cox didn't actually say the question of whether Kavanaugh empathizes with rape victims is MORE important than whether he did it -- see the bit about judging him on "what he may or may not have done"? -- but that's how the wingnuttosphere read it, and what a monster that lady is! Which brings us to this angry note from some anonymous genius who googled "Ana Marie Cox":Below is a statement made by the stupid cunt who is totally fucking brainless. See here quote below.How about if I take a gun out and shoot out her left shoulder and tell the whore, that you ran over my dog and I want you to feel the fucking pain where you did it or not!"How stupid is this bitch? Real stupid. If I ever meet her on the street I will bash her fucking face in."We need to judge Brett Kavanaugh, not just by what he may or may not have done, but how he treats a woman's pain. And that is something I'm going to be paying attention to on Monday. How does he respond to what's happening. Whether or not he agrees that this happened with her, does he take her pain seriously? Do the people interrogating her pain take her pain seriously? Now, I'll give you a spoiler alert, I don't think Brett Kavanaugh takes women's pain very seriously, and I know that because of the decisions he's made as a judge."Clearly a Ben Shapiro reader -- or at least second-hand, since the quote originally comes from Shapiro's blog, which mis-transcribed Cox as saying "Do the people interrogating her pain take her pain seriously?" when she actually said "Do the people interrogating her take her pain seriously?" But gosh, it's nice of him to fantasize about only inflicting a presumably non-deadly shoulder wound on her for the sin of thinking that even non-rapists might care about rape victims' suffering. Must be one of those moderate Trump voters we hear about. Also, we do have to say we would feel terrible if this guy's dog were run over, regardless of who ran over it. Hell, we'd feel terrible for any dog unlucky enough to be owned by that asshole. And apart from the violent wishes, it's not especially different from most of the comments on Shapiro's blog, or at Twitchy. They all know that empathy has no place in justice, which is about THE LAW. And, of course, about triggering the libs. Yes, this is where we remind you that we have very clear commenting rules, so no, you Terrible Ones will not turn right around and spin out violent fantasies about the shooty punchy guy. If you don't understand why, look again at what he wrote. You want to be that person? Even if you do, we do not want you to be. Not here. We're fucking civilized, you filthy fuckaducks.For her own sake, Cox was not entirely surprised by the reaction: And finally, a couple of emails sent to Evan and Yr Editrix from some dipshit who fancies himself (we'll go out on a limb and guess the gender) quite a wit!Subject: Your coluimn nailed it!!Is Whore-ono Flucke Schumer's Hawaiian lei??Subject: Dowd nails it big time!! [we assume Maureen -- you know, that liberal avatar we all slavishly adore -- Dok]"Butch" Limpdicus interviews smarmy lesbo, Thunderthighs Clinton...Cankles looked like she had just got out of the sack with Huma, her Weiner......Damn, dude. Can't see why you're wasting your incredibly sharp satire on a bunch of losers like us. Time for you to apply for a gig at Daily Caller or Gateway Pundit. When the going gets weird, Yr Wonkette keeps you going. Send money to keep US going!How often would you like to donate? 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  • Maine And Vermont Have This Strange Independent Streak
    New England is weird. How else to explain these two independent US senators, Angus King from Maine and Bernie Sanders from Vermont, who caucus with and vote with Democrats, but aren't actually Dems for whatever reason? It's a strange thing when somebody who isn't actually a Democrat makes a credible run for the presidential nomination -- Bernie got my caucus vote in 2016 -- but never quite signed up for the party. So we figure it's some strange New England thing about not wanting to get labeled even when you vote with the people who happily wear that label. Must be something in the maple syrup. I Really Like Your MaineAngus King, owner of the US Senate's most impressive mustache and a former governor of the Pine Tree State (that's still Maine), is going for his second Senate term, and there's little reason to think he won't get it. He has a Republican opponent, Eric Brakey, who's polling well behind King, (52 percent for King, 25 percent for Brakey in an August Suffolk poll). Since King is an independent, there's also a Democrat in the race, Zak Ringelstein, but he polled at only 9 percent. King is well-known and well-liked in Maine -- he had the highest approval rating of any Maine politician in that Suffolk poll, with a 63 percent favorable rating; while Brakey and Ringelstein struggle to even get name recognition. Honestly, we're only talking about King today because by Crom, when you're assigned to profile all the Senate races, you do your job and profile all of 'em. And so here's your profile: If Angus King isn't reelected, it'll have to be due to something earthshaking that simply couldn't be predicted, like if it turns out he's in league with an eldritch being of ancient terror that rises from the sea to terrorize Mainers like something from a Stephen King (no relation) novel. And even then, both guys named King are popular enough in Maine that the Senator would still have a good shot. Pennywise the clown might be preferable to, say, Mitch McConnell.The biggest news in the Maine race for US Senate is the guy who decided not to run: term-limited and widely loathed Gov. Paul LePage, who had been threatening to run against King since at least 2015. In 2016, LePage announced that if he didn't get a job in the Trump administration (yes, this was before Trump was even elected), he'd definitely run against King. But even though there was no position available for LePage as special adviser on racist outbursts (just too much competition), the outgoing governor ultimately decided in May 2017 not to run. Which is probably just as well, since even though he's about as well-loved as major skin rashes, LePage had remarkable luck in winning both of his terms in elections with a plurality of votes. LePage's two less-than-majority wins led to a pretty neat experiment in democracy: Mainers passed a voter initiative to institute ranked choice voting, in which voters list their first, second, and third (or more) choices in a race. If no candidate gets a majority, then the votes of the lowest finisher are redistributed by preference to the others, until there's a majority. The state legislature and LePage thought it was a terrible idea, and repealed it, but Maine also allows a "people's veto" initiative process, so darned if voters didn't turn right around and repeal the repeal. The state supreme court has doubts about whether ranked-choice voting is constitutional (it may require an amendment, which hasn't happened yet), but the system was rolled out for this year's primaries, and will be used in the general. Like we say, New England is weird. The real energy in Maine this fall is in the race to replace LePage, where, now that rank-order voting is in place to prevent a splitter from spoiling things, there are of course only a Republican and a Democrat running for governor (it's a tie so far). There's also a lot of effort going into a Democratic plan to flip the majority in the state Senate away from the Rs; EMILY's List is pouring a lot of money into that, and wouldn't that be a nice farewell to old anusface LePage?In Vermont, Bernie Sanders is running for a third term to extend his time as the longest-serving independent senator in history, which is nice for him. Like King, he's almost certainly going to cruise to an easy win, and the Republican he's running against has really had to try hard to get any attention, mostly by insisting that if Sanders is reelected, Vermont will somehow become Venezuela. Mood Light In VermontTo continue our theme of New England Is Weird, Bernie's Republican opponent, Lawrence Zupan, isn't even the winner of Vermont's Republican primary for US Senate. Thanks to a quirk in Vermont law, there's no restriction on how many offices a single candidate can file for in the primary, as long as they only run for a single office in the general. Perennial candidate H. Brooke Paige ran for six offices, and won the R primaries for all of them, including U.S. Senate, U.S. House, state attorney general, auditor, secretary of state and treasurer. Then after the August 14 election, Paige dropped out of all the general election races except for secretary of state, and the state Republican party met to choose replacement candidates for the other five slots. Hell of a way to run a railroad. Zupan, who'd come in second in the primary, was chosen as the candidate for Senate, but another guy, who hadn't even run in the primary, Dan Feliciano, got 12 votes. At least they didn't go with Roque "Rocky" De La Fuente, the Californian nutbag who's run and lost in nine Republican primaries for the Senate this year. Zupan certainly talks as if he's a serious candidate; he's challenged Sanders to a series of 8 debates, for whatever that's worth. Seems unlikely Sanders will bother, because why? But demanding debates is the sort of thing you do when you're a no-name running against a popular incumbent and the national party isn't bothering to send you more than token support. That and whining that the incumbent is so busy on the national stage that they're a stranger back home -- and yes, Zupan's doing that, too. There's just something kind of sad and doomed about campaigns like this -- for instance this Facebook post in which Zupan says he had a "great time" speaking to a "crowd" in Bristol that... well, look: We clicked the photo, and no, that's not just unfortunate cropping. We can't absolutely rule out the possibility it was taken from the second row of a room with several hundred Lawrence Zupan fans behind the photographer, but we'll guess probably not. That's poor Larry just to the left of the podium, in case you were wondering. Bonus: Oh, Look, It's Ted Cruz Being A Dick AgainWe'll close with an update on what was actually our first Senate Sunday profile this year, the Texas race between booger-eater Ted Cruz and Congressman Beto O'Rourke. As you may know, the two debated Friday night; yesterday, Cruz tried to capitalize on the debate Saturday by sending out a tweet with the ominous heading, "In Beto O'Rourke's own words," which certainly sounded like it was going to astonish people with a clip of O'Rourke saying something horrifying. Instead, it turned out to be video of O'Rourke speaking at a black church, condemning the Dallas police officer who shot Botham Jean, dead in his own apartment, which she says she mistook for her place: How can it be — in this day and age, in this very year, in this community — that a young man, African American, in his own apartment, is shot and killed by a police officer? How can that be just in this country? And when we all want justice and the facts and the information to make an informed decision, what is released to the public? That he had a small amount of marijuana in his kitchen. How can that be just, in this country?How can we continue to lose the lives of unarmed black men in the United States of America at the hands of white police officers?It's a remarkably good ad for O'Rourke, who brought the crowd to its feet; lots of retweets out there thanking Cruz for endorsing O'Rourke with the self-own. But surely it's more than a coincidence that the caption that just happens to be highlighted before you click "play" reads, "At the hands of white police officers" -- the only reason Cruz could think it would help him is pretty obvious: he had to assume there'd be just enough people on Twitter who'd see only that and be outraged at O'Rourke. Apparently, Cruz figured motivating people who approve of police shooting black people, regardless of the situation, was worth looking like a tone deaf idiot. Gotta support the police no matter what, and here's a scary liberal telling scary black people not to support the police. What a great fellow Ted Cruz is. Cook Political Report has switched its call on the Texas US Senate race from "leans Republican" to "toss-up," and let's hope Cruz can continue to this effectively step on his own dick. For a palate cleanser, please enjoy this video of Beto O'Rourke after the debate, playing very credible air drums to The Who's "Baba O'Riley" while in line at a Whataburger drive-through. Baba O'Rourke, or Beto O'Riley? Discuss amongst yourselves.[USA Today / Politico/ Atlantic / Portland Press-Herald / Vox / Seven Days / WaPo / Angus King campaign site / Bernie Sanders campaign site]Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. You send us money, we mock Ted Cruz. What better bargain is there?How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Arizona GOP Rep. Paul Gosar's Siblings Don't Want You To Vote For Their Terrible Brother
    One can tell, just by looking at Arizona Rep. Paul Gosar, that he does not have many people in his life who truly love him -- for if he were loved by anyone, I would have to imagine that someone would have said to him, at some point "Paul. Those bangs. No."Alas, his own family dislikes him so very much that not only have they clearly not told him that this haircut makes him look extremely creepy, but they have banded together to make ads endorsing his competition, Democrat David Brill -- and to let all of Arizona know that he is the worst. Via Phoenix New Times:In one video, Grace Gosar says, "It would be difficult to see my brother as anything but a racist." The Gosar siblings have grown estranged from their brother, a four-term congressman, because of his frequent conspiracy theorizing and hair-raising comments about immigrants. Gosar is the eldest son of a family of 10 children who grew up in Wyoming. Many of his siblings don't share their brother's hardline views. One of his brothers, Pete Gosar, ran for governor of Wyoming as a Democrat in 2014.Gosar, for the record, is super wacky. He once tried to institute a boycott of the Pope (and all... Pope products?) because he kept talking about climate change instead of talking about how Islam is bad. He also claimed that the Charlottesville Unite The Right rally was actually a left-wing plot (funded by George Soros, natch) to make Republicans look racist, because that is otherwise such a difficult thing to do. It is not surprising that his family wants to let the world know that they are nothing like that. We all have embarrassing relatives, but at least most of us do not have to see said embarrassing relatives run for office. Since we are about to open thread, I thought I would share with you one of my very own email exchanges with my dear mother, on the subject of my own desire to have short bangs when I was in high school and they were a "thing" for all the cool alterna-chicks. Me: Yes mom, you're right about everything. Except bangs. You were totally wrong about bangs. Everyone agrees that I look better with them. So, HA.Mommy Dearest: Not THOSE bangs. The really, really short bangs that only Louise Brooks could carry off but which, eventually -- and perhaps, ironically -- led her to Rochester, NY ! Where she DIED!These are the bangs against which I tirelessly rail! The bad bangs! Some bangs are harmless and, even, wonderful. I am not a bangs bigot and will not allow you to paint me as such.Please to recall: You were banished to this same "Rochester, NY " while still under my strict supervision de coiffure (to coin a phrase). You are alive and well (yet, bitter). Why might this be?Please to do the mathematics: Rochester + really, really short bangs = Death(x + y = z)Therefore: x + not y = much betterHonestly, Robyn, you're becoming like the Emily Litella of childhood memories of abuse. I am a Divine Oracle. Deal with it.See? That is love. My mother never let me leave the house with terrible bangs or spouting ridiculous conspiracy theories, and that is why I am the lovely and sense-making woman you see before you today. Anyway, it is now your open thread -- please give us some money, because I actually do need a new hair cut! [Phoenix New Times]How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • The 9,834 Times Beto O'Rourke Made Ted Cruz Look Like A Creepy Asshole
    The debate last night between Republican Sen. Ted Cruz and Democratic Rep. Beto O'Rourke was about what you'd expect from a debate featuring a man who lies almost as much as Donald Trump. While Beto spent the majority of the one-hour debate making impassioned pleas on race and healthcare, Cruz hissed half-truths and insults through his silver tongue and phony Texas drawl. At the end we were left with one conclusion: One of these men should be a US Senator, and one of these men is Ted Cruz. Regardless of which flavor of news you prefer, every one of the press wizards agrees that the debate was one of those fiery back-and-forths you don't often see in the age of Trump. Fox News all but declared Cruz the winner by labeling Beto a reckless drunk, while the Old Grey Lady penned a hatchet job that make us question the mental health of Editor in Chief, Dean Baquet. NPR's human pencil made sure to report just the facts, and the lede in the Dallas Morning News makes it seem as if a desperate Cruz started screaming "TEXAS" as he shot an AR-15 and pumped his fist during a finale of fireworks. As the first of three debates, this one focused on domestic policy and touched on issues like health care, immigration, and gun violence. When a question about the death of 26-year-old Bothan Jean at the hands of a Dallas police officer (who is currently charged with manslaughter) was brought up, Cruz attacked O'Rourke for calling for the officer to be fired and saying police killings of black people amount to "modern day Jim Crow." But when Cruz cited a WaPo fact-check that found Beto neither right or wrong in saying cops kill black kids, Beto called Cruz a goddamn liar who peddles the "politics of fear," then noted that this is why Ted Cruz has no friends in Washington, and why voters find him creepy. Question to @TedCruz: “Do you agree that police violence against unarmed African Americans is a problem?" Watch the debate here, courtesy of @NBCDFW. https://t.co/YrOsTJAA4L#txsen #tx2018 #txsendebate pic.twitter.com/sT9ffS7jdw — Texas Tribune (@TexasTribune) September 21, 2018 Beto has already made a name for himself with a bad-ass stump speech in support of people kneeling for equal rights, which he kind of delivered verbatim when the question came up. Ted Cruz said he has many black friends, and even pulled out a rumbled photo of himself kicking slam dunks in basketball rings with Frederick Douglass and MLK. Beto responded by doubling down and saying the issue of kneeling isn't about personal politics, it's about equal rights. “I could care less about either party, at this moment, at this deeply divided, highly polarized time in our history." — @BetoORourke Watch the debate here, courtesy of @NBCDFW. https://t.co/YrOsTJAA4L#txsen #tx2018 #txsendebate pic.twitter.com/VvyTIdtqCI — Texas Tribune (@TexasTribune) September 21, 2018 Ted Cruz's ability to create 90 second sound bites for people with short attention spans came after a question on supporting Christine Blasey Ford. After meandering his way through Republican talking points, Cruz said Kavanaugh's nomination was really about Jesus, Hillary Clinton, and the Second Amendment. Clutching his pearls, Cruz then accused Beto of attempting to write the Second Amendment out of the Bill of Rights which led both candidates bickering back and forth as Ted Cruz demanded to know if Beto supported Hillary Clinton. .@tedcruz says @BetoORourke wants the Supreme Court to write the Second Amendment out of the Bill of Rights. O'Rourke says “that's not true." Watch the debate here, courtesy of @NBCDFW. https://t.co/YrOsTJAA4L#txsen #tx2018 #txsendebate pic.twitter.com/6PnWFTvKXH — Texas Tribune (@TexasTribune) September 21, 2018 The most hilarious moment of the whole debate came when was a question about whether or not Ted Cruz has any dignity after the 2016 election. Since Ted Cruz never had any dignity, he dodged the question, and said he serves the president. This prompted Beto to pull out some crayons and draw a straight line from Cruz to Trump and Putin, and remind Cruz that "we are a nation of laws, and not one of men." .@BetoORourke to @TedCruz: “If the president attacks you personally…how you respond is your business. But when the president attacks our institutions…that is our business." Watch the debate here, courtesy of @NBCDFW. https://t.co/YrOsTJAA4L#txsen #tx2018 #txsendebate pic.twitter.com/NHloaOpV9G — Texas Tribune (@TexasTribune) September 21, 2018 At one point, Beto admitted to his DWI in the early 1990s, and denied fleeing the scene. Beto called it a mistake, but noted he got a second chance that many people of color never get, adding, "If I change that then I will have done something good with my life." When questions of healthcare came up, Cruz bullshited a repugnant answer about how his sister overdosed, then casually glossed how over how he's spent the last six years trying to kill Obamacare and protections for pre-existing conditions by complaining about higher premiums and the opioid crisis. Cruz then called Beto a communist, complained that Beto wants to raise taxes, and claimed Beto would reenact Logan's Run on old people after giving Mexicans free healthcare. Beto responded by reminding everyone that Cruz shutdown the government, and rarely bothers to even show up to do his damn job. “You know only one of us has been to each county in Texas and would have an idea of what Texas values and interests are." — @BetoORourke Watch the debate here, courtesy of @NBCDFW. https://t.co/YrOsTJAA4L#txsen #tx2018 #txsendebate pic.twitter.com/qcah3bncq5 — Texas Tribune (@TexasTribune) September 21, 2018 At the end Beto and Cruz were forced to say nice things about each other. Beto said he and Cruz were ideologically different, but he admired Cruz's dedication and thanked him for his service. Cruz replied with a half-assed ditto, and noted that it's nice how Americans no longer lynch filthy negro-loving commies like Beto O'Rourke. "True to form," Beto quipped. For their closing statements, Ted Cruz walked down from the podium and spent the next two minutes putting the fear of guns, God and government into all the old people tearfully gripping their guns and Bibles. Cruz made sure to say "Texas" and "socialism" as much as humanly possible, and reminded his wealthy donors about all the bonuses they have under the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich). Beto closed out by saying that "we're not running against anyone, we're not running against anything, we're not running against another political party," and said how he's running for the uninsured, teachers, fixing jails, mental health clinics, and keeping public schools. He finished by saying, "Thank you for inspiring me....I am grateful." Here is @BetoORourke's closing statement. Watch the debate here, courtesy of @NBCDFW. https://t.co/YrOsTJAA4L#txsen #tx2018 #txsendebate pic.twitter.com/mbFg40xf28— Texas Tribune (@TexasTribune) September 21, 2018 Our hot take: Beto walked away with some blood on his lip, but he still rocked out. Ted Cruz was shaken and limping, but his lack of dignity and the bile that courses through his veins left him standing. There's two more debates and you better believe we'll be here for them! You can watch the full debate here. Wonkette is ad-free, ready supported, and we still have our dignity (unlike Ted Cruz).How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Did Married Trumper Jason Miller Poison Lover With Abortion Pill Smoothie?
    Previously on Trumpers of Our Lives: Former Trump officials/part-time lovers AJ Delgado and Jason Miller have been in a fraught custody battle over the the child conceived during the affair the two had during the heady days of their time on the Trump transition team for at least a year now, and it's been quite the wild ride. The latest drama to drop is a court filing from Delgado's team alleging that prior to their affair, Miller knocked up another woman, a dancer at an Orlando strip club where he often brought clients. As if that entire scenario on it's own were not enough, the document also alleges that, upon learning she was pregnant, Miller gave the dancer a smoothie with an abortion pill kicker.Via court documents obtained by Splinter:Shortly thereafter, according to Joe Doe, Mr. Miller visited her at her apartment with a Smoothie beverage.Unbeknownst to Jane Doe, the Smoothie contained an abortion bill. [sic]The pill induced an abortion, and Jane Doe wound up in a hospital emergency room, bleeding heavily and nearly went into a coma.The unborn child died.Jane Doe herself was hospitalized for two days, the abortion pill possibly reacting with potential street drugs in her system at the time she drank the Smoothie.Upon leaving the hospital, a rightly enraged Jane Doe contacted the staffers of local politicians with whom Mr. Miller had been in attendance at Rachel's the night they met.Mr. Miller then, in a panic, attempted to have Jane Doe sign a non-disclosure agreement ("NDA"), presumably in exchange for a sum of money.How very Ruth Gordon in Rosemary's Baby of him. Delgado's team is highlighting the story as a way to show that Miller will not be a fit parent and should therefore be denied custody. Aside from the fact that this is an incredibly fucked up and horrible thing to do to a person (and also a CRIME), this is also not the way you take the "abortion pill." It's not a one and done thing, you take the Mifepristone first, under a doctor's care, which detaches the embryo from the uterine wall, and then a day or two later at home, you take Misoprostol, which then empties the uterus. But who is going to expect a Republican to know how this stuff works, or to see anything wrong in forcing an abortion on a woman against her will. It doesn't matter what the choice is, so long as it's not hers, amirite?According to the court documents, Delgado found out about this after someone started sending her her "cryptic tweets" referencing "Rachel's Gentleman's Club," and then eventually gave her the woman in question's name. Delgado then gave this information to a respected journalist, who is currently working on the story for an undisclosed outlet. Miller's lawyers have denied the accusation:In a statement to Splinter after this story was published, Miller's legal team strongly disputed the claims made in the filing, saying: "To be clear, there is no validity to the false accusations made in Ms. Delgado's filing.""We also know the identity of the 'Jane Doe' referenced in the filing, have located her, and Mr. Miller is absolutely certain that he does not know her, never had a relationship with her, and never engaged in the actions Ms. Delgado—and now you—falsely accuse him of committing," Miller's lawyers also said.As difficult as it is to believe that three women slept with Jason Miller, who is not only repulsive as a human, but who also looks like a cartoon beaver... It also seems pretty unlikely that this is a thing anyone would have come up with were it not true. It would be a very weird thing to make up! Especially since hospitals do keep records of these things, and it seems like a fairly easy thing to check in on. Either way, I wouldn't go taking any smoothies from Jason Miller anytime soon. [Splinter]Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Don't give us smoothies, give us your money!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Sure, DeSantis Could Return Money From Racist Donors But Then He Wouldn't Have It Anymore
    Republican Ron DeSantis, future failed candidate for Florida governor, is facing yet another race-based incident. One of his supporters and major donors, Steven M. Alembik, shouted "FUCK THE MUSLIM NIGGER" in a crowded Twitter. This was his cogent response to a GOP tweet stating, "Without a hint of irony, [Barack] Obama smears President Trump's 63 million Republican voters as divisive & resentful." You show 'em, Wrongly Spelled Stephen. Initially, Alembik said he didn't believe he wrote that but then, after reviewing the tweet, said "when I write anything inflammatory, it's because I'm seriously pissed off. I'm an emotional human being. Do I have a filter on what I say? In public, yes. Would I use that word in public? No. This is Twitter." So Alembik doesn't know what Twitter actually is. Sure, much of the content on the site is masturbatory but there's still a sizable audience. You're not just shooting tweets at the ceiling. Can he make this worse? "So somebody like Chris Rock can get up onstage and use the word and there's no problem? But some white guy says it and he's a racist? Really?" the 67-year-old Alembik said, adding that what's considered racially charged language now wasn't racist when he was a kid. "I grew up in New York in the '50s. We were the kikes. They were the n------. They were the goyim. And those were the spics." Yeah, the 1950s were wonderful, with Grease and Elvis and most of Back to the Future, but it was also very racist. Black people had to walk to work for a year to convince white people to let us freely use the seats on public transportation. I wouldn't point to that decade as a great example of racial harmony. This is awkward for DeSantis. Alembik's Twitter tirade is the fifth racial incident tied to his campaign in the past month. On the other hand, it's not the sixth. There are established protocols for this sort of crisis: 1) Reject the offensive comments without qualification. 2) Distance yourself from the person who made them. 3) Just to be on the safe side, return any money donated to you by the offending person. It's a simple plan, but as detailed on the CW documentary "The Flash," even the best plans have a way of "going off the rails." Let's see how DeSantis is doing. At [Florida International University] Thursday, Desantis condemned Alembik's tweet. "I totally disavow the tweet. I'm not surprised he did that. I'm not responsible for it, reject it. We're focused on our message and we're focusing on what we're putting out," Desantis said. OK, that's a trifle incoherent but let's cut him some slack, he's losing to a black guy in Florida. Now on to distancing himself from Alembik. This is easy-peasy. Just last Friday DeSantis blocked former state Rep. Ralph Arza from co-chairing a fundraiser for his campaign. In 2006, Arza allegedly called Miami-Dade County's first black schools chief a "black piece of shit" in Spanish. He couldn't even use the Chris Rock defense because few of Rock's performances are bilingual. DeSantis is just a non-racist guy who seems to attract racists, presumably for no other reason than his dazzling good looks. Unfortunately, distancing himself from Alembik's money has proven more challenging. Alembik has donated more than $20,000 to DeSantis over the years, and DeSantis claims he'll never take another dime. He won't, however, return donations from Alembik's company, SMA Communications, because that money's been spent already, and once money's gone, it's gone forever. That's how money works. Beside, the money's not even racist. It's currency of color, a protected class.I don't think black people expect DeSantis to literally return the exact same money SMA Communications donated. We're not that picky. DeSantis's campaign can go to the bank and withdraw entirely new money to return to the racist. That's fine by us. Maybe his campaign is strapped for cash with its new "no money from racists" policy, but he can always lean on the Black Republicans of South Florida. They're hard at work defending Alembik, who lives in racial utopia Boca Roton, from charges of racism.Sean Jackson, the chairman of the most embarrassing black people in Florida group, insists everything that Alembik has freely admitted to is "false," "incorrect," and a "flat-out lie." Like a self-loathing Socrates, Jackson poses the question, "How can Alembik be a racist when he has a 'plethora' of black friends?" (Black people come in "plethoras" -- there are 12 in each, unless you get a good deal at the bakery.) Jackson also reminds us that Alembik is Jewish and he "doesn't know too many racist Jews." I guess Stephen Miller never invited him out for sushi.Follow SER on Twitter.Wonkette is solely funded by about 3000 readers a month. Make it 4000, so we will NEVER DIE.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Trump Threatens Another Goverment Shutdown, Because Chaos Is KIND OF His THING
    On Tuesday, the Senate passed a short-term spending bill to keep the government open through the midterms. Hailed as a bipartisan achievement, the bill funds Labor, Education, and the Health and Human Services departments, gives the Pentagon more money, and extends the Violence Against Women Act. The bill passed by an astonishing 93-7 vote, and surprised the Washington press corps for its distinct lack of a bloody gladiator brawl on the Senate floor. Over in the House, Republicans signaled that they were on board too. Eager to avoid another shutdown, Paul Ryan stated in a press conference that he had a "good understanding" with Trump, and was "confident our understanding will stick" despite the word salad coming out of the White House. But on Thursday, Georgia Republican Sen. David Perdue went on Fox & Friends at 6:30 in the fucking morning to let Trump know that Congress still refused to pay for his goddamn wall. Sure as a dog will shit uncontrollably after eating a wheel of cheese, Trump immediately fired off three tweets quoting Perdue demanding Congress, not Mexico, pay for his wall. Never mind that Perdue is from a state a thousand miles from the Mexican border -- geography is for losers who don't understand border security. America has been flooded with rapists and killers and we have to defend ourselves from the bad hombres grabbing lady liberty by the pussy (just not the ones nominated to the Supreme Court)! Trump's been flirting with the idea of shutting the government down (again) since the last time he shut the government down. Back in January, the guy who's "really great at making deals" complained that Democrats ruined his $100,000-per-couple party at Mar-a-Lago after they refused to deport Dreamers. At the time, Democratic Minority Leader Chuck Schumer actually offered billions for Trump's wall provided he give legal status to undocumented immigrant children brought to the US by their parents, but Trump said no. A bewildered Schumer would later trudge out onto the Senate floor and declare, "Negotiating with President Trump is like negotiating with Jell-O." Oh, how innocent we were nine months ago! Before the baby jails. Before the trade war. Before yeti pubes and Toad penis. This past spring, Trump threatened to shut the government down over a lack of funding for his dumb wall, but he ultimately caved. At the beginning of September, Trump sat down for a softcore interview with the ever loyal Daily Caller. He blurted out that he "doesn't like the idea of shutdown," and didn't see himself "or anybody else closing down the country right now." A few days later, surrounded by reporters during one of his reality show Cabinet meetings, Trump changed his mind and said, "If it happens, it happens. ... If it's about border security, I'm willing to do anything." Trump thinks that a shutdown is a "great political issue," and some press wizards think he'll probably do it in order to rally his base and create a distraction if/when Republicans lose the House and the Senate. Republican leaders specifically crafted this bill to avoid a shutdown before the midterms. Their hope was that by putting a bunch of must-pass spending measures into one bill they could avoid political suicide until the holidays. There were murmurs some Republicans might vote against the bill, and Rep. Mark Meadows, chair of the House Freedom Caucus, told Politico, "Most of the Democrats will vote for this and smile very big. It's a Democrat 'Labor-HHS' bill." House Republicans are about to give up. They know Trump would get blamed for shutting the government down, screwing Republicans and adding to their exponentially long list of self-inflicted wounds. There was hope that they could trick Trump into signing the bill by touting how it gives the Pentagon an additional $17 billion, but who knows whether he'll cave. Trump will simply pander to his base of stubborn old white people in landlocked states who wouldn't know a Mexican from a Muslim, and blame everyone but himself as the government shuts down right before an election. [Roll Call / Media Matters / Washington Post] We try to pay our bills on time, but we're ad-free and that means we need your help!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Your Weekly Top Ten Is Goddamn APPALLED By The New York Times Right Now
    Guys, it is your top ten post, which means it is time to count down the top ten stories of the week, but we write this on Fridays, and we are still PISSED at the New York Times about that Rod Rosenstein bullshit. Also we just made a funny joke on Twitter and wanted to allow you to laugh at our very funny joke: HAHAHAHAHA @ OURSELVES!Shall we count down our top ten stories? We shall.Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:10. Vladimir Putin Crashing Parties All Over The World Like A Bad Case Of Herpes9. Christine Blasey Ford Is A Goddamned American Hero8. Mazie Hirono All Up Chuck Grassley's Butt Lke ALOHA, MOTHERFUCKER!7. Hillary Clinton Was On Maddow Last Night, You Probably Already Watched It6. Wow, Now Even Willie Nelson Is Triggering Dicks5. Donald Trump Jr. And Brett Kavanaugh Walk Into A Bar. Cover Your Drinks!4. Trump Gonna BURN THIS SHIT DOWN To Save His Ass From Robert Mueller!3. What Is It, Exactly, That Twitter's Conservative Employees Are Afraid To Say At Work?2. And His Name Shall Be Called PRESIDENT YETI PUBES!1. Happy Weekend, Donald Trump! Paul Manafort's Plea Agreement Says You Are WELL AND TRULY FUCKED!So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you hit the tip jar below to give us all the moneys? It is so easy! Just hit the amount and THEN HIT PAYPAL OR STRIPE. It will not go through if you don't hit Paypal or Stripe, as Rebecca's mom learned after months of thinking she was tipping ME SPECIFICALLY. WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.Oh hey more kid pictures: Let's see ... anything else? NOPE.OK this post is over now, goodbye.Love,WonketteFollow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!Help Wonkette LIVE FOREVER! Seriously, if you can, please hit the nifty donation widget below! Didn't that feel so good?How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • New York Times Just Handed Trump Rod Rosenstein's Head On A Stick, So It Can Fuck Right Out Of Here
    If it's a day, the New York Times is fucking shit up, but today, it fucked up BIGLY. Fresh-faced access journalists Adam Goldman and Michael Schmidt have just published what we can only describe as a drive-by shooting against Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, which reads as some bullshit planted by the White House to give Donald Trump the pretext for his Saturday Night Massacre, if he wants it. (He does.) Maybe the White House is tired of talking about the flailing nomination of Judge Maybe Rapey and how Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen are cooperating with special counsel Robert Mueller, and the New York Times was more than happy to help! Or maybe it was planted by former deputy director of the FBI Andrew McCabe, who was fired by Attorney General Jeff Sessions just hours before his pension was set to kick in, and may have a serious axe to grind with DoJ officials and leaked a copy of his own memos. (His lawyer says that's not true, but he would say that, wouldn't he?) Or maybe it's both, somehow! Or one of many other things! Regardless, the news is that -- according to NYT's sources who are obviously telling the truth and giving all the important context that's fit to print -- Rosenstein talked about getting a group together to invoke the 25th Amendment against Trump last year after Trump fired James Comey. Also, Rosenstein VERY SERIOUSLY talked about how he should secretly record his conversations with Trump like a common Omarosa, to document how crazy Trump was, and that the dudes interviewing for the FBI job should do the same, because Trump was "failing to take the candidate interviews seriously." Hey, Donald Trump! The New York Times is talking to you! Bet you don't think it's so "failing" right now, and we can't imagine you're upset about these anonymous sources! The sources for the NYT piece appear to be McCabe's leaked memos, and also a combination of people (probably close to the White House) who heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another Rod Rosenstein's been messin' around. Mr. Rosenstein was just two weeks into his job. He had begun overseeing the Russia investigation and played a key role in the president's dismissal of Mr. Comey by writing a memo critical of his handling of the Hillary Clinton email investigation. But Mr. Rosenstein was caught off guard when Mr. Trump cited the memo in the firing, and he began telling people that he feared he had been used. Mr. Rosenstein made the remarks about secretly recording Mr. Trump and about the 25th Amendment in meetings and conversations with other Justice Department and F.B.I. officials. Several people described the episodes, insisting on anonymity to discuss internal deliberations. The people were briefed either on the events themselves or on memos written by F.B.I. officials, including Andrew G. McCabe, then the acting bureau director, that documented Mr. Rosenstein's actions and comments. So in other words, "several people" heard some third-hand information by the water cooler from people who play Strip Jenga with people who have seen McCabe's memos, and all of them say Rosenstein is a very bad man who tried to 25A Donald Trump by the pussy and threatened to Omarosa the president with wire tapps. OH NO, IS ROD ROSENSTEIN THE RESISTANCE INSIDE THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION WHO WROTE THAT ANONYMOUS LETTER THAT ALSO APPEARED IN THE NEW YORK TIMES? Adam Goldman and Michael Schmidt aren't saying he's not. Rosenstein has issued a statement that vehemently denies this account -- without actually denying the specific details -- and confidently asserts that "Based on my personal dealings with the president, there is no basis to invoke the 25th Amendment." (LOL factcheck bullshit.) Regarding those purported 25th Amendment conversations, Rosenstein isn't the only one getting thrown under this bus right now: [Rosenstein told] Mr. McCabe that he might be able to persuade Attorney General Jeff Sessions and John F. Kelly, then the secretary of homeland security and now the White House chief of staff, to mount an effort to invoke the 25th Amendment. MORE ENEMIES TO MAKE DONALD TRUMP A WHOLE BUNCH MORE MAD! Regarding what Rosenstein supposedly said about doing wire tapps to Trump, the Justice Department released a statement that essentially says, "Guys, he was fucking around," according to somebody who actually heard him say it. The Washington Post also talked to somebody who was in the meeting in question, who confirms Rosenstein was being sarcastic, and adds that they didn't even talk about the 25th Amendment. In fact, let us read some reporting from the Post, which is a real newspaper: That person said the wire comment came in response to McCabe's own pushing for the Justice Department to open an investigation into the president. To that, Rosenstein responded with what this person described as a sarcastic comment along the lines of, "What do you want to do, Andy, wire the president?" THAT'S SOME HELPFUL CONTEXT THE NEW YORK TIMES FAILED TO PROVIDE. But according to NYT's sources, he wasn't kidding even a little bit! He was very serious! NYT gonna editorialize right now about what a wild and crazy man Rosenstein is: The suggestion itself was remarkable. While informants or undercover agents regularly use concealed listening devices to surreptitiously gather evidence for federal investigators, they are typically targeting drug kingpins and Mafia bosses in criminal investigations, not a president viewed as ineffectively conducting his duties. That's NUTS! According to NYT's sources, this just shows everybody how "erratically [Rosenstein] was behaving" when he decided to go off and appoint a special counsel. The New York Times is JUST SAYING. They are also JUST SAYING that Rod Rosenstein was very emotional at the time:The extreme suggestions show Mr. Rosenstein's state of mind in the disorienting days that followed Mr. Comey's dismissal. Sitting in on Mr. Trump's interviews with prospective F.B.I. directors and facing attacks for his own role in Mr. Comey's firing, Mr. Rosenstein had an up-close view of the tumult. Mr. Rosenstein appeared conflicted, regretful and emotional, according to people who spoke with him at the time.Good God, NYT, why don't you just say Rod Rosenstein had his period?Weirdly, this was all happening around the time Rosenstein appointed special counsel Robert Mueller. Did Rosenstein do that because of his EMOTIONS or because the president obviously was trying to obstruct the investigation and appointing a special counsel was the only way to protect the investigation? The New York Times is JUST ASKING.Also, as Josh Marshall points out, Rosenstein comes off as REAL DUMB in the section about how he was just so shocked that maybe Trump used him to write that memo about Hillary Clinton's emails to give him a pretext for obstruction of justice: The president's reliance on his memo caught Mr. Rosenstein by surprise, and he became angry at Mr. Trump, according to people who spoke to Mr. Rosenstein at the time. He grew concerned that his reputation had suffered harm and wondered whether Mr. Trump had motives beyond Mr. Comey's treatment of Mrs. Clinton for ousting him, the people said. Really? Is Rod Rosenstein that much of a dipshit? We are skeptical. Also, people who know Rosenstein are skeptical: Oh fuck you, Maggie Haberman, we don't have time or space in this post for your defensive horseshit about this steaming pile of shit your BFFs wrote.So how will this land at the White House? Will Trump use it as a pretext to fire Rosenstein, as we expect might happen, either after work today or just after the midterms? Maybe yes of course no shit Sherlock! Glad to know the White House is getting what it wants from the newspaper the president verbally abuses on a regular basis. Rod Rosenstein, of course, is the only one protecting the Robert Mueller investigation. If he is fired, or if Mueller is fired, what do we do? Do we take to the streets? No, dears: we TAKE the streets. Swear to God if he does it after work today, we are filing a fucking complaint against GOD.Also, it's your open thread we guess, but you should probably mostly talk about THIS JESUS UGH FUCK! [New York Fucking Times / Washington Post]Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Click if you want us to live FOREVER.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Wrongly Convicted Man Set Free After 27 Years By Super Sleuths At ... Golf Digest!
    It's not every day Golf Digest gets noticed as a source of hard-hitting investigative journalism, at least outside of reviews of titanium carbon fiber nanotech infinite improbability drivers or some such. But Wednesday, some journamalisming that started with a Golf Digest story about a guy who drew fantastic imaginary golf courses concluded with that guy, Valentino Dixon, walking out of Attica prison, 27 years after he'd been sentenced for 39 years to life. Not bad, Golf Digest. We give you a GOLF CLAP. And a Pulitzer if we had one, which, sadly, we don't.As Golf Digest says, the twists and turns of the case are a bit complex (they're unraveled in more detail in this New York Times story), but it basically comes down to a local prosecutor who was determined to railroad Dixon for the 1991 murder of a 17-year-old, Torriano Jackson, in Buffalo, New York. The conviction involvedshoddy police work, zero physical evidence linking Dixon, conflicting testimony of unreliable witnesses, the videotaped confession to the crime by another man, a public defender who didn't call a witness at trial, and perjury charges against those who said Dixon didn't do it. Dixon had a prior conviction for selling cocaine, and he made a convenient target for Erie County prosecutor Chris Belling, who was weirdly determined to ignore even statements from the actual killer, LaMarr Scott, who pleaded guilty to the killing shortly before Dixon's release this week.Golf Digest got involved when it profiled Dixon in 2012, reporting on the prisoner who'd never seen a golf course in his life, but started drawing imaginary greens and water hazards and sand traps after a warden showed him a photo of the 12th hole at Augusta National and asked him to make a drawing of it:I spent 15 hours on it. The warden loved it, and it was gratifying to know my art would hang in his house. Something about the grass and sky was rejuvenating. I'd been getting bored with drawing animals and people and whatever I'd get out of National Geographic. After 19 years in Attica (N.Y.) Correctional Facility, the look of a golf hole spoke to me. It seemed peaceful. I imagine playing it would be a lot like fishing.Another inmate gave him his issues of Golf Digest (after carefully crossing his own name out on the subscription label so Dixon wouldn't get written up for contraband), and Dixon was off -- not copying the photos, but using them as a starting point for his own surreal fantasias on what a golf course might be (there's a nice selection of his drawings here). And in the course of profiling this guy who made up nonexistent landscapes and wore his colored pencils down until they were short nubs he could barely hold, the sports reporters started believing Dixon's insistence that he'd been wrongly convicted. The 2012 profile raised questions about the case, the questions got picked up by other media, and students at Georgetown University's law school took on Dixon's case in an Innocence Project style class. The publicity from the Golf Digest story created interest in Dixon's art, so his daughter was able to sell his drawings to help pay for legal help. It also helped that Erie County started up a wrongful convictions unit after a new DA, John Flynn, was elected, replacing a longtime prosecutor, Frank Sedita III, who was fond of saying he was far more concerned about "wrongful acquittals" than what some convicted murderer said. Everyone claims they were railroaded, after all. Except Valentino Dixon actually was, and his attorneys, Donald Thompson and Alan Rosenthal, managed to convince Flynn that Dixon was not the killer. Of course, a confession from the actual killer was pretty useful: Scott admitted responsibility the night of the shooting and has for decades since (including to Golf Digest), with the exception of a brief window of time when Belling pressured him to say otherwise. Scott is already serving a life sentence for a 1993 shooting in an armed robbery that left one victim a quadriplegic. Tacking on a concurrent sentence for Jackson's murder doesn't change his prospects, other than maybe making any future parole a slimmer possibility.Funny thing about the ol' Justice system: None of the officials who bent the rules to put Dixon in prison for a crime he didn't commit will face any penalties themselves, becauseAll have either retired or moved to new positions. "The positive is that this case could serve as a shining example to wrongful convictions units elsewhere," Thompson says.But at least Valentino Dixon can go see a golf course if he wants to. And there's probably a joke to be made here about a "president" who spends entirely too much time subverting justice and fucking around on golf courses, but it's a nice Friday and this story is supposed to be happy, so go check out Dixon's works and forget that other guy. And we'll just pretend that Rosenstein thing isn't coming, even though you KNOW it's coming, and it will be here soon. [Golf Digest / NYT / Golf Digest / Golf Digest]Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us some money because it's a Nice Time story for us whenever you do that!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Guess How Much Jail Time Man Got For Strangling A Woman And Masturbating On Her?
    In August of 2017, 34-year-old Alaska man Justin Schneider offered a stranded woman a ride. Rather than taking her where he said he would, he went off in another direction, saying he needed to get something from another car. When they reached that destination, he asked her to get out while he loaded things into his truck. It was at that point he told her he was going to kill her and then strangled her until she was unconscious. He then proceeded to masturbate on her, and when she woke up, he offered her a tissue. Based on overwhelming evidence, a grand jury indicted him on four felony counts, including kidnapping and assault, as well as a misdemeanor charge for "offensive contact with fluids." And yet. And yet. He will serve zero days in jail. Via KTVA Alaska: Schneider struck a deal with the state, pleading guilty to a single felony assault charge in exchange for a sentence of two years with one suspended. Schneider faces no additional jail time. He received credit for time served while wearing an ankle monitor and living with his family. Think your head is exploding right now? Think you maybe want to punch a wall? Well hold off, because it actually gets worse. Because Anchorage Assistant District Attorney Andrew Grannik, the guy who gave him this sweet, sweet deal, suggested Schneider had been punished enough already by losing a federal job as an air traffic controller. Grannik referred to this as a "life sentence." That is not, for the record, a "life sentence." Of course, Grannik was gracious enough to note that this will be the only pass he gets, and if he kidnaps and strangles another woman and then masturbates on her, then there will totally be consequences for his actions. Probably something even more severe, like a whole week of community service or something! Grannik said he agreed to the plea deal based on Schneider's enrollment and progress in a treatment program, and an expert's assessment that the risk of him re-offending is low. "I hope it doesn't happen," Grannik said. "That's the reason why I made the deal that I've made, because I have reasonable expectations that it will not happen. But I would like the gentleman to be on notice that that is his one pass -- it's not really a pass -- but given the conduct, one might consider that it is." Again, "the gentleman" strangled a woman, told her he was going to kill her, and then masturbated on her unconscious body. Oh! Although he was kind enough to tell her afterwards that he was never going to kill her, he just needed her to think he was, so that he could get off. Yes, there is no reason at all to think that someone like this might reoffend. Doesn't sound pathological at all. Although Schneider expressed no remorse, at all, for what he did to that woman, he did say he was really grateful for the way the case had given him a year to just really work on himself. "I would just like to emphasize how grateful I am for this process," Schneider said. "It has given me a year to really work on myself and become a better person, and a better husband, and a better father, and I'm very eager to continue that journey." Yes, his journey. It's all very Eat, Pray, Love. Again, Justin Schneider strangled a woman and then masturbated on her unconscious body. But he's real excited about what a great father and husband he's going to be now. No reason why that guy shouldn't be in a house with children! What could possibly go wrong? The judge in the case also didn't think that what Schneider did was all that bad, and that he could totally be rehabilitated. Judge Michael Corey accepted the deal, noting the outcome of the case could be described as "breathtaking." He said his decision was based on the prospect of rehabilitation. "Mr. Schneider is going to be a member of our community, and he would not be in jail for the rest of his life even if he had been convicted on all of the counts for which he was charged," said Judge Corey. He also told Schneider, "This can never happen again." In Alaska, you can get five years in prison for possession of any amount of heroin. That is five years more than Justin Schneider got for strangling a woman and masturbating on her unconscious body. To top all of this off, Schneider will not even have to register as a sex offender. But that can't be right, you're thinking. Robyn, you read that wrong. OH DID I?When asked why Schneider was not required to register as a sex offender, Grannik explained that the conduct in the case did not meet the legal requirements of sexual assault charges, even though the assault included sexual elements. This isn't even that unusual. In Texas last month, a doctor who was found guilty of sexually assaulting a heavily sedated patient also received zero jail time. In 2013, a woman, identified in local media as Laura, checked into Ben Taub Hospital in Houston. She was being treated for shortness of breath and wheezing; she was kept overnight and sedated. Police said Dr. Shafeeq Sheikh went into her room several times through the night and sexually assaulted her. In the hospital, Laura tried calling for help, but the nurse's button was unplugged. Sheikh admitted to sexual contact but told jurors it was consensual, according to the Houston Chronicle. The woman was not assigned as Sheikh's patient, the Houston Chronicle reported. In January, Benjamin Lawrence Petty of Oklahoma pleaded guilty to raping a 13-year-old girl who attended the church camp where he was a cook: He invited her to the back of the cabin, saying that he wanted to show her something — and then he pulled her into his private bedroom, according to a lawsuit filed against Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma, which runs the camp, and Country Estates Baptist Church, which was in charge of hiring the cabin staff. Petty then shut the door, tied her hands behind her back and pushed her face down onto the bed. He told her not to tell, or else he would hurt her, the lawsuit claims. In January, Petty pleaded guilty to the charges — first-degree rape, forcible sodomy and rape by instrumentation. How much time did he get? ZERO TIME. Just a month ago, 19-year-old former high school wrestler Logan Michael Osborn of Virginia pleaded guilty to raping a 14-year-old girl. Osborn, then a student at Cosby High School, sexually assaulted the 14-year-old girl after they attended a school play together. Prosecutors said Osborn went on a walk with the girl, who didn't know the Cosby campus, and when the path ended at a fence, Osborn became aggressive. [Chesterfield prosecutor Erin] Barr said he forced the 14-year-old onto her knees, then tied a belt around her neck and hands before the assault. Osborn released her around the time her mother was supposed to pick her up. How much time did he get? ZERO TIME. A former basketball player from MIT pleaded guilty to "indecent assault" after he broke into a woman's dorm room and raped her. Samson Donick, 22, apologized to the victim, a 22-year-old former Boston University student, and to her parents, for what he called "his inexcusable behavior that night," Oct. 18, 2015, when, he admitted, he broke into her dorm room at BU while she was asleep. Donick had been charged with aggravated rape and his trial was due to start Thursday, but after his victim said she would not testify, prosecutors, doubtful that they could obtain a conviction, agreed to a plea bargain. On Tuesday, Donick pleaded guilty to indecent assault and battery on a person over 14, assault and battery, and breaking and entering with intent to commit a misdemeanor. How much jail time? NO JAIL TIME! These are just a few cases, from this year alone. You know, the year 2018? When we're supposed to be getting better about this shit? And in the meantime, we've got assholes like Tucker Carlson acting all aghast that in 1982, a 15-year-old girl did not report an attempted rape. We've got the President of the United States having the absolute gall to spout snide bullshit like this: To mock a teenager for not having put herself through an additional hell, after already having been traumatized, is nothing short of sadistic. I would love to live in a world where reporting a sexual assault was at all likely to lead to some kind of justice for victims. As these cases make clear, we don't live in that world. Shit, we don't even live in a world where those found guilty of these crimes necessarily have to go to jail. In conclusion, fuck everything.[KTVA Alaska]Wonkette is sorry you had to read that, really. We love you though, and hope you will support our endless screaming into the void with a nice donation!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Franklin Graham Pretty Sure There's Nothing Wrong With A Little Rape Between High School Kids
    The Reverend Franklin Graham is an evangelical leader, inheritor of Billy Graham's spiritual legacy, and like his daddy, an adviser to an increasingly unhinged president. Graham has some very deep thoughts on the accusations against Brett Kavanaugh by Christine Blasey Ford, and those thoughts are so Christian and kind! As Jesus taught, we are to forgive the sinner whether or not he repents himself, and then lies about the sin, especially if it will get a Republican on the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v. Wade.Here is Reverend Graham offering a uniquely Trumpian view of the Biblical approach to truthiness, explaining on CBN News that a little rape is fine as long as it was way back in high school: Thank the higher powers -- some transcriptionists at CBN and their editor -- CBN provides a transcript of the upstanding man of God and his interview with anchor Heather Sells, who occasionally tried to nudge Graham toward at least a semblance of reality. Asked if the Senate should disregard Blasey Ford's testimony, Graham explains there's really little choice in the matter, because the whole thing is not relevant and also too late and political, for shame. Plus, is "attempted rape" really wrong if you say it never happened?it's just a shame that a person like Judge Kavanaugh who has a stellar record that somebody can bring something up that he did when he was a teenager close to 40 years ago. That's not relevant. We've got to look at a person's life and what they've done as an adult and are they qualified for this position? So this is just an attempt to smear him.Sells tried to mention rape victims, as if there were such a person in that room all those years ago. Graham wouldn't have any of that nonsense, because it takes two for an attempted rape: an attempted rapist and a 15-year-old girl who lets herself almost get raped: Sells: What message does it send to sexual abuse victims when they're told that it's not relevant something that happened years ago?Graham: Well there wasn't a crime that was committed. These are two teenagers and it's obvious that she said no and he respected it and walked away -- if that's the case, but he says he didn't do it. He just flat out says that's just not true. Regardless if it was true, these are two teenagers and she said no and he respected that so I don't know what the issue is. This is just an attempt to smear his name, that's all.You see? She said no, and once he turned up the music and put his hand over her mouth and stopped her from screaming and he was too drunk to get her clothes off AND his weird friend jumped on both of them a couple times, giving her a chance to run out of the room, Kavanaugh respected her wishes and stopped. WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK FOR? Also, neither rape nor attempted rape is a "crime," silly. And even though Maryland has no statute of limitations on sex crimes, that doesn't matter, because as he says, there's no crime here. To her credit, Sells again tried to point out that nothing in Ford's account even remotely resembles her saying "no" and Kavanaugh "respecting" her wishes, but for heaven's sake, who's the minister of God here? Definitely not the little anchorwoman, and the Bible is full of stuff on the duplicity of woman. Graham again said none of it was relevant, "because how far back do we go, Heather, in a person's life?" Obviously, to the point AFTER they tried to rape a 15-year-old, and no farther. Besides, aren't we all, as Children of God, flawed vessels?There's a lot of things that I've done when I was a teenager that I certainly am ashamed of and not proud of. And If we're going to hold people accountable for things that they did 40 years ago and say whether it's relevant or not relevant. This is a tactic by the left to try to keep conservatives off the bench and it's unfortunate that it's working. People are up in arms over this like 'oh, this is such a disaster.' You're talking about two teenagers 40 years ago. That has nothing to do with what we're talking about today about this man being a judge on the Supreme Court. And they call it a sexual assault? No, I don't believe it.Once more, credit where due: The CBN article about the interview, credited to Sells, takes some pains to note the Reverend is full of shit, or rather, that the whole "he respected that" thing is "not the narrative that Christine Ford, Kavanaugh's accuser, has publicly stated." Sells goes on to accurately summarize the WaPo account, including Ford's fear that Kavanaugh might inadvertently kill her while he was holding her down with his hand over her mouth. Sells also notes -- without editorial comment -- that Graham has shared his rebellion as a young man many times over the years. He's recalled smoking, drinking and defying authority as typical patterns for him. At one point, he was kicked out of his Christian college for his behavior.That's just about one of the nicest "Bless his heart he means well" takes on Brother Graham we've seen from an evangelical reporter. Good on you, Ms. Sells. Also good on recovering Baptist Elizabeth Spiers, who may not be a believer anymore (we didn't ask), but is thoroughly conversant with the theology: We just love the chance to add some Evangelical scatology to an article like this.[CBN]Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money to help us encourage evangelists to throw shade at other evangelists. That positive reinforcement has to help. How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Michael Cohen Reportedly Being Robert Mueller's VERY GOOD BOY!
    WHO'S A GOOD BOY? WHO'S A GOOD BOY? It's Michael Cohen! We regret to inform you that Donald Trump's very shitty week continues to get shittier, as late Thursday news broke that a certain guy who used to say he would take a bullet for Trump, and who used to call Trump MISTURRRRR TWUMP, has a new best friend, and it is special counsel Robert Mueller! (No word on whether or not Cohen calls him MISTURRRRR MULLAH, but we're going to guess the answer is obviously.)Cohen, you will remember, already pleaded guilty in the Southern District of New York to EIGHT COUNTS of tax evasion, bank fraud and campaign finance violations, and in those latter charges, which pertain to illegal payoffs to Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal to cover up affairs with Trump, Cohen stood in the courtroom and implicated the president of the United States as the person who directed him to commit the crimes, which is where Trump got his new nickname, which is President Yeti Pubes. No wait, dangit, we are mixing things up. He became Yeti Pubes because of his big forest of Yeti Pubes and Cohen's plea made him PRESIDENT UNINDICTED CO-CONSPIRATOR. Mueller had punted that investigation over to SDNY, but we always suspected he was still investigating quite a bit of NO COLLUSION related to Cohen's involvement in the Russia conspiracy, and it turns out that is precisely what Cohen has been talking to Mueller about over what's reported to be days of questioning:The special counsel's questioning of Cohen, one of the president's closest associates over the past decade, has focused primarily on all aspects of Trump's dealings with Russia -- including financial and business dealings and the investigation into alleged collusion with Russia by the Trump campaign and its surrogates to influence the outcome of the 2016 presidential election, sources familiar with the matter tell ABC News.Investigators were also interested in knowing, the sources say, whether Trump or any of his associates discussed the possibility of a pardon with Cohen.Yes, we would be curious about that as well. As for the Russia stuff, Cohen's name has popped up a lot in Trump-Russia stories. First of all, remember the slush fund Cohen set up to pay for all of Trump's sex crimes? Weirdly, Cohen kept it open after the election and ended up taking "consulting" dollars, some of it from this Russian oligarch named Viktor Vekselberg. That's kinda weird, right?Vekselberg is very close to Vladimir Putin, like most Russians in TrumpWorld, and Robert Mueller yanked his ass off a plane earlier this year to ask him what kinda Naughty Naughty he was doing with Michael Cohen.There's the thing about that failed Moscow Trump Tower deal (the second failed deal of that kind) that Cohen and his buddy Felix Sater were involved in trying to broker. They bragged over emails to each other that they, just two little thugs from Brooklyn, were going to elect a real live US American president! They were trying to work that deal during the 2016 campaign, as Trump was swearing up and down he had no business dealings with Russia. Trump insisted he didn't even know Cohen was working that deal, which is weird because Trump signed a letter of intent late in 2015, which seems to suggest he was at least looped in a little bit.What's strange about the emails between Cohen and Sater is that they were talking a lot about how to "get Putin's buy-in" and whatnot, but they didn't seem to be talking too deeply about any sort of skyscraper in Moscow. What were they really getting Putin's buy-in for? DUN DUN "LAW & ORDER" NOISE!An interesting detail about the "Trump Tower Moscow" deal, which might have been cover for another kind of deal, is that when it was failing, Cohen reached out to Dmitry Peskov, who is basically the Sarah Huckabee Sanders of the Kremlin (nobody serves him chicken dinners either), as a sort of Hail Mary to try to salvage it. We note this because, according to the FAKE DEMOCRAT DOSSIER OF DEMOCRATS, Peskow was the guy in charge of all the dirt Russia had on Hillary Clinton. Indeed, he is referred to as the "main protagonist" of that operation.Do also note that Cohen is described in the dossier as the one who came in after Paul Manafort's weird Ukrainian/Russian ties were exposed during the campaign, for the purpose of cleaning up all of Manafort's messes. That's where the story of Michael Cohen going to Prague came in, though he protested that his passport clearly showed he was upstate in Schenectady the whole time. (LIES: passports don't show trips to Schenectady. Also lies because that wasn't actually Cohen's excuse, but rather a thing Wonkette made up right now.)Early this year McClatchy reported that Mueller has evidence Cohen did indeed go to Prague around that time, as the dossier alleges. Nobody else ever corroborated that report, but if it's true, it could be WHOA IF TRUE, because the dossier specifically says Cohen had discussions in Prague about how to "process deniable payments" to Russian operatives and hackers who were part of the operation. (It refers also to Romanian hackers, but hell, it was 2016, and everybody was calling them "Romanian hackers." Now we know it was just Russian military intelligence pretending to be Romanian!)Our point is that Cohen probably has a lot to talk to Mueller about! And he's being an incredibly cooperative good boy. We should point out, though, that Cohen is not doing this as a full cooperating witness -- in other words, he's not doing this because Mueller is making a deal with him, but just because he's in the mood to spill shit on Donald Trump, we guess. Can't imagine why, considering how Trump has treated him like shit pretty much every day since the election.Here is another tidbit for ya:ABC News has also learned that Cohen is also cooperating with a separate probe by New York state authorities into the inner workings of the Trump family charity and the Trump Organization, where Cohen served as an executive vice president and special counsel to Trump for 10 years.OH MAN, he is just helping out everywhere, on federal crimes and state crimes and all the rest! What a very good boy!Last night, we learned on Twitter from Michael Cohen and his lawyer Lanny Davis also too, about what a good boy Michael Cohen was being: And now Lanny Davis: LANNY, YOU HAVE TO LOG OUT OF MICHAEL'S ACCOUNT BEFORE YOU SEND TWEETS ABOUT WHAT A GOOD BOY MICHAEL IS. Cool, whatever, we do not have time for how these morons don't understand how to use Twitter.Point is, Michael Cohen is a VERY GOOD BOY and if we were Donald Trump or one of the Trump children, we doubt we'd be sleeping very well right now, knowing Daddy's longtime fixer thug "lawyer" has all these new law enforcement BFFs.[ABC News]Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Click if you want us to live FOREVER.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • The Brett Kavanaugh Modeling Agency ... Errr, HR DEPARTMENT
    Gather 'round, kids! Let's talk about how institutions like Yale Law School spin a protective cocoon around powerful men like Judge Kavanaugh, forming mutually beneficial relationships to reinforce everyone's power and prestige. Meet Amy Chua, professor at Yale Law School and author of the bestseller Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, in which she repurposes her own childhood trauma and sells it to Americans as this ONE WEIRD TRICK to ensure that your kids play at Carnegie Hall and go to an Ivy League college. upload.wikimedia.org Here's a fun story about Chua teaching her daughter to play piano when she was THREE YEARS OLD. When I tried to pull her away from the piano, she began yelling, crying, and kicking furiously. Fifteen minutes later, she was still yelling, crying, and kicking, and I'd had it. Dodging her blows, I dragged the screeching demon to our back porch door, and threw it open. The wind chill was 20 degrees, and my own face hurt from just a few seconds' exposure to the icy air. But I was determined to raise an obedient Chinese child if it killed me. In the West, obedience is associated with dogs and the caste system, but in Chinese culture, it is considered among the highest of virtues. "You can't stay in the house if you don't listen to Mommy," I said sternly. "Now, are you ready to be a good girl or do you want to go outside?" Lulu stepped outside. She faced me, defiant. A dull dread began seeping though my body. Lulu was wearing only a sweater, a ruffled skirt, and tights. She had stopped crying. Indeed, she was eerily still. "Okay, good - you've decided to behave," I said quickly. "You can come in now." She seems ... NOT NICE AT ALL. Professor Chua's ends-justify-the-means parenting philosophy extends to her work advising applicants for judicial clerkships at Yale Law. Chua and her husband, Jed Rubenfeld, also a professor at Yale, gave very specific warnings to female law students applying to clerk in DC's federal court. A female student told HuffPo, Rubenfeld took care to warn her about two judges in particular: First, Alex Kozinski, then a judge on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit, was known to sexually harass his clerks, he told her. (Kozinski retired in December amid accusations of harassment.) The other was Kavanaugh. Though the judge was known to hire female clerks who had a "certain look," Rubenfeld told her, he emphasized that he had heard nothing else untoward. "He did not say what the 'certain look' was. I did not ask," the woman said. "It was very clear to me that he was talking about physical appearance, because it was phrased as a warning ― and because it came after the warning about Judge Kozinski." You may remember that Kavanaugh told the Senate last week that he was SHOCKED, SHOCKED to find out that Judge Kozinski, for whom he himself clerked, sexually harassed women in his office. Leaving aside the dubious veracity of Kavanaugh's claim to be the only person in DC unaware of his mentor and later colleague's proclivities, Chua and Rubenfeld participated in a system that not only ignored serial abuse, but fed Kavanaugh the prettiest Ivy League superstars to staff his chambers. (But not White Power Barbie, who graduated from Harvard.) The Guardian reports, Chua allegedly told the students that it was "no accident" that Kavanaugh's female clerks "looked like models". Student reacted with surprise, and quickly pointed out that Chua's own daughter was due to clerk for Kavanaugh. A source said that Chua quickly responded, saying that her own daughter would not put up with any inappropriate behaviour. Surprise! Chua and Rubenfeld's daughter got a coveted clerkship on the DC Circuit with Judge Kavanaugh. Wasn't it nice of Chua to write this WSJ editorial singing his praises for all the pretty ladies who got their start clerking for him? Strangely, she didn't mention that a pretty face was a job requirement. Must have been an oversight! Gosh, wouldn't it be the most 2018 thing ever if Chua and Rubenfeld were involved in a #MeToo scandal of their own? LOLOLOL! Here's a passage from a letter sent to the Yale Law community this summer, quoted at length by Above the Law. YLS has hired an outside investigator to look into Professor Rubenfeld's conduct, and folks should reach out to her if they have something to share. The sooner the better, and it's possible to talk to her in ways that preserve anonymity (see details below). More specifically, it seems [the investigator] is interested in hearing about, among other things: · Disparate treatment of, or boundary crossing with, women in the YLS community. She is interested in hearing from subjects of, or witnesses to, that treatment. (E.g., comments about female students' physical appearances or relationship histories, conversations that seem designed to "test the waters," intimidation or efforts at manipulation targeted at female students, etc.). · Conduct related to excessive drinking with students (driving with students while drunk, etc.). · Inappropriate employment practices relating to RAs or Coker Fellows. · Retaliation against students who do not show sufficient loyalty. Does Rubenfeld have some extremely problematic opinions on how difficult it can be to know when a woman consents to sex, especially when she's unconscious? That train is never late! The Guardian also reports that, "Students have also raised related concerns to Yale authorities about Chua's powerful influence in the clerkships process."Powerful people with crackpot ideas about elitism entrenching their own friends in power after which everyone can prey on the young women as the price of admission to Privilegeland? WELL, COLOR US FUCKING SHOCKED. [HuffPo / The Guardian / Globe and Mail / Above the Law / The Guardian, again]Follow your FDF on Twitter!Almost made it to the weekend! Click here to keep your Wonkette snarking for whatever crazy shit is coming next week.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • ICE Arresting Sponsors Of Migrant Kids, Because Deport Everyone Is Why
    Immigration and Customs Enforcement has advanced to a new stage of Donald Trump's Deport Everyone agenda: arresting undocumented members of families that apply to sponsor children who crossed the border by themselves. It's all part of the Trump administration's mission to somehow find and deport all 12 million undocumented migrants in the USA, because deporting people is the one thing this crowd is good at. This latest turn in the New Cruelty was already anticipated and warned about: Back in April, ICE (which handles deportations) and the Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR, which houses migrant kids who cross the border alone and attempts to place them with relatives or other sponsors), signed a "memorandum of agreement" that allowed ICE, for the first time, to access ORR's background checks on people who came forward to sponsor kids being held by ORR and awaiting resolution of their immigration cases. Immigrants and advocacy groups warned this was a ploy to use the vetting process as an excuse to hunt down undocumented members of families, and damned if that isn't exactly what ICE is now doing, as CNN reported yesterday.On Tuesday, Immigration and Customs Enforcement senior official Matthew Albence testified to Congress that, after Health and Human Services and ICE signed a memorandum of agreement to background-check and fingerprint potential "sponsors" of immigrant children, ICE arrested 41 people who came forward.In response to an inquiry from CNN, an ICE official confirmed that 70% of those arrests were for straightforward immigration violations -- meaning they were arrested because ICE discovered they were here illegally.The relationships between those arrested and the minors being sponsored vary: Some may be the kids' parents or other relatives, and others may be adults in the homes of those who applied to sponsored the kids. Either way, Albence was really fucking proud of the great job ICE is doing in protecting America, because the law is the law, you know? "We've arrested 41 individuals thus far that we've identified pursuant to that (memorandum)," Albence testified Tuesday. "Close to 80% of the individuals that are either sponsors or household members of sponsors are here in the country illegally, and a large chunk of those are criminal aliens. So we are continuing to pursue those individuals."CNN did a little checking, and that "large chunk" of "criminal aliens" turns out to be 12 of the 41 people, "according to an ICE official speaking on condition their name not be used." The other 29 were plain old "administrative" arrests on civil immigration violations. CNN didn't specify the charges in any of those 12 cases, although even misdemeanors like driving without a license are enough to result in the label "criminal alien." In keeping with Trump administration rhetoric, let's just assume all 12 were murderers and rapists. As for the others, what part of ILLEGAL don't you understand? This is a very good use of government resources. CNN notes that ORR's parent agency, Health and Human Services, doesn't consider a family's immigration status in its background checks of sponsors -- only whether it will be a safe placement for the kid. Under the Obama administration, ORR didn't share information with ICE. But the Trump administration sees the background checks as a wonderful tool to find more low-hanging cases for deportation -- in fact, administration officials have long insisted that legal protections for children amount to nothing more than "loopholes" that encourage illegal immigration, and they even call placing unaccompanied minors with family members a form of "child smuggling." Not surprisingly, migrants' reluctance to sponsor kids in ORR detention is one reason the baby jails are filled to record levels. No surge of undocumented kids, but very justified unwillingness to step into a trap.Bob Carey, who ran the HHS office in charge of caring for and placing migrant kids at the end of the Obama years, says this is going to be bad for kids, because he cares more about illegal immigrants being traumatized than about Fox News viewers feeling good that someone's finally sticking it to the wetbacks: These are kids who fled some of the most violent countries in the world. Many have experienced trauma ... rape, robbery, all kinds of exploitation [...]The question I would ask is, are measures legitimately enhancing the security situation? The ultimate security is not releasing any child to a sponsor, because then nothing would happen to them [...] But how much harm are you causing by keeping kids in custody indefinitely in settings that were never designed for that?Exactly the right amount of harm, obviously. If only we brutalize illegals enough, maybe they'll decide fleeing for their lives isn't worth the risk. It's not like they or their children are really human.Why, yes, it does get worse: Just as Homeland Security has been taking money from hurricane preparedness and the Coast Guard to give ICE money for deportations and indefinite family detentions, HHS has been shifting its budget around, too, reallocating $266 million from other HHS programs to pay for ORR's baby jails. Not that anyone will miss $80 million from refugee support programs, since we aren't letting in any refugees. And just look at the other programs that are getting cut to traumatize more kids by cramming them into "shelters" and tent cities. Funds being shifted to ORR include:$16.7 million from Head Start, $5.7 million from the Ryan White HIV/AIDS program and $13.3 million from the National Cancer Institute. Money is also being diverted from programs dedicated to mental and maternal health, women's shelters and substance abuse. By God, Donald Trump, John Kelly, and Stephen Miller invented a crisis, and they're going to move heaven and earth and CANCER RESEARCH to deal with it, Amen, the end. [CNN / Texas Monthly / Yahoo News]Yr Wonkette is ad-free and funded ENTIRELY by reader donations. Please send money to help us convert white-hot rage into text.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Ben Carson's HUD Full Of Unqualified Suck-Ups Like Ben Carson
    Gosh, who ever would have guessed that the Department of Housing and Urban Development under Ben Carson has been transformed into a dumping ground for Carson and Trump campaign workers who aren't qualified for their very well-paid jobs? As the Washington Post reported yesterday, at least 24 of HUD's highest-paid political appointees have no experience in housing policy at all -- and 16 of those 24 worked on the Carson or Trump presidential campaigns. And here's a shocker: Their lack of qualifications has led to the rollout of some terrible policies, plus general confusion about routine matters. But at least Trump can say he's created some very well-paying jobs somewhere. And wouldn't you know it, the Post found a Deep State operative to complain about how not normal this all is:"This administration is different, because the people coming in really don't know housing at all," said Ron Ashford, who retired as director of HUD's public-housing supportive-service programs in January after 22 years at the agency. "As a result, they're pursuing initiatives that aren't grounded in reality."For instance, there was that now-abandoned -- thankfully -- proposal to triple the rent on millions of families in public housing, because obviously if poor people are in danger of not having a roof over their heads, poor people will finally decide to stop being poor and get better-paying jobs. Turns out that was the brainchild of a political appointee, Ben Hobbs, who's never actually worked in housing but has some impressive credentials as a rightwing poverty expert. [Hobbs] spent three months as a graduate fellow in "welfare studies" at the conservative Heritage Foundation in 2016 and five months as a poverty consultant at the libertarian Charles Koch Institute in 2013, according to his LinkedIn profile.On the strength of his eight months interning with Screw The Poors foundations, Hobbs managed to get appointed as a "special policy adviser" in HUD's Office of Public and Indian Housing, and came up with the brilliant proposal to price untold numbers of people out of public housing. Fortunately for those families, the actual roll-out of the proposal was botched so badly that Carson backed away from it in June, saying HUD no longer had to raise rents because Congress reinstated money Trump's budget cuts would have eliminated. (But they were very good cuts. Anything Mr. Trump proposes is good!) Lucky for Hobbs, he managed to fail upwards!Hobbs, who started at HUD making $79,720, took a leave from the agency in July when he was promoted to Trump's domestic-policy council, according to his LinkedIn profile. Hobbs directed all Post questions to HUD, which noted that he had also gained experience during three months as a graduate fellow on the House Ways and Means Committee in 2016. The agency added that Hobbs, who lists a master's degree in public policy from the London School of Economics on his profile, wrote his dissertation on the social safety net.OK, well in that case, the guy's brilliantly qualified, since he wrote about poor people policy at the home of libertarian god Friedrich Hayek. Actual experience in public housing would only have sullied the purity of his free-market vision. Carry on, sir!Also a teensy bit of a problem: Several of HUD's top-paid political appointees don't even have bachelor's degrees, but don't worry too much, because only career staff have to meet minimal education or job experience -- political appointees are special! Which is why it's perfectly fine that "special assistant" Mason Alexander was hired at a salary of $107,435 and later promoted to a "non-policy" senior advisory role, where he now makes $131,767. But he brings some serious work experience to the position, even though it's not related to housing. Alexander was previously an event manager, and at HUD, he helped Carson with scheduling, and who needs to know anything about housing to get paid six figures for that? Alexander's résumé says he has an associate degree in communication from Tallahassee Community College and a professional background in strategic planning. The résumé noted that Alexander had helped prepare press staging areas for Trump campaign rallies.The list goes on and on, and the whole piece is worth reading, because it's frankly amazing the excuses Team Carson comes up with, mostly along the lines of how all these campaign flunkies bring "diverse skills" and "fresh perspectives" to the agency. Like this lovely bafflegab from HUD spokeperson Raffi Williams, who offered WaPo a written statement explaining that appointing people with "varying experiences to government is not unusual" and makes HUD a "more dynamic organization." The majority of top political appointees do have housing backgrounds, he noted."This administration has assembled a senior team at HUD with a deep well of experience in housing, community development and mortgage finance. Any suggestion to the contrary discounts their public service to the American people," Williams said. "HUD employees represent a broad array of backgrounds and experiences, as different roles have unique responsibilities and require diverse skill sets."Translation: Trump won, shut up, and we had to find somewhere to put all these ideological hacks we owed favors to. You wouldn't want them in a department that matters, would you?Scott Keller, who was chief of staff for one of George W. Bush's HUD secretaries, Alphonso Jackson, explained how completely normal this all actually is: "Political staffers are not expected to be subject matter experts in every case," said Keller, who had coached Carson during his confirmation hearings. "Their job is to keep the trains running on time. And they don't need to be housing policy experts to do that."Another Bush HUD secretary, Steve Preston, told the Post experience is overrated, really. Preston explained, "Knowing stuff doesn't mean you can get stuff done" which we're fairly certain was the Bush administration's motto. We're almost certain we saw it on a banner during the Iraq occupation. We expect Donald Trump to say he invented it. The article does mention that under Barack Obama, virtually all the top HUD appointees were "widely recognized housing experts who were tapped to stabilize the agency after the housing market crash," and that in the highly paid jobs, only seven lacked housing-related experience. WaPo doesn't say whether any of them had only a community college degree, but we're betting probably not. You know, it's almost as if the real problem here is that Republican administrations view HUD as a completely irrelevant agency where useless campaign hacks can be safely rewarded with government jobs in an agency no Republican gives two shits about, other than in terms of finding ways to cut services. If those people really mattered, they'd have better lobbyists. [WaPo]Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Send us some money to help us keep a roof over our heads! 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  • Why Did Dianne Feinstein Force Republicans To Make Fun Of Rape Victims?
    It's serious business when a Supreme Court justice nominee is accused of attempted rape, and serious business should be treated seriously. Or not. You could just make light of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's accusations like a common sociopath. Lot of folks are choosing this option, as if taking Donald Trump Jr.'s lead has ever resulted in anything but pain and misery. And in South Carolina, the motto is "go big or go home." Actually, it's "we'll never forgive Nikki Haley for taking down our flag," but if the country can have two Carolinas, my home state can have two mottos. Republican House Rep. Ralph Norman kicked off a debate Thursday against Democratic challenger Archie Parnell with some well-considered rape humor."I thought I was going to be late. Did y'all hear this latest, late-breaking news from the Kavanaugh hearings?" said Norman. "Ruth Bader Ginsburg came out that she was groped by Abraham Lincoln. I thought I was going to have to get back there but we don't."Hiyo! The debate was held at a Kiwanis club. Kiwanis is a children's charity, so it was a little surprised at Norman's decision to work blue. When he was booked, they expected more of his folksy observations about how biscuits from a can aren't as good as homemade. If you find Norman's daring new material too complex, I will attempt to explicate. The general idea is that Justice Ginsburg is very old. She's so ancient in fact she somehow managed to exceed the maximum recorded human lifespan by several decades and was alive during the 19th Century, where she was groped by Abraham Lincoln, who at least according to the most recent biography I read was not a sex offender. But I guess if you're going to defame someone's character, it's probably more legally advisable to choose a dead president and not a random classmate of Kavanaugh's.Speaking of the author of mad conspiracy theories, once-respected conservative Ed Whelan recently shared a tweet that had some fun at the expense of Dr. Blasey's lawyer, Debra Katz. Cut to the punchline: She's just a dishonest, ambulance-chasing fraud! When did representing alleged rape victims become a dirty job? You know, this isn't some heated sports rivalry — shirts vs shirts removed against her will. Dr. Blasey claims something awful happened to her that has affected her ever since. I'm all for gallows humor but when it's the hangman cracking wise, it's a tad insensitive. Oh well, this is where we are now. Thanks a lot, Dianne Feinstein! (This is also the title of my upcoming YA novel.) Republicans are forced to mock sexual assault because some Soros-funded crisis actor has thrown a wrench in the work of nominating to the Supreme Court an upstanding strict constructionist originalist ... oh, who cares about the legalese, he's gonna gut Roe v Wade! You didn't even know the guy until a couple months ago, but he's obviously innocent because he spends his free time riding in cars with girls. That's not normally exculpatory but it's been a weird summer.Republicans used to think rape was serious business. Donald Trump built his campaign on racial resentment a no-rape platform. Remember how he accused Mexican immigrants of being rapists? Now rape is the new "horseplay." Who wouldn't want horseplayers in our country? This must come as a shock to Brian Kemp. The Republican candidate for Georgia governor released an ad just this April where he ignored all gun safety guidelines and pointed a shotgun at a nervous teen who was considering dating his daughter. Maybe I misinterpreted this ad. Did Kemp only bring the gun to protect the kid from his spoilsport daughter's harpy feminist lawyers and their trumped up rape charges? Considering rape a big deal has become all PC now, like bothering to learn someone's preferred pronouns. Republicans will proudly misgender you while delivering some off-color knock-knock jokes about your traumatic sexual assault. Follow SER on Twitter.Wonkette is solely funded by about 3000 readers a month. Make it 4000, so we will NEVER DIE.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Trump: Why Didn't The FBI Tell Me The Thing It Told Me, IMPEACH!
    Look, we know it's not actually NEWS when Ol' Yeti Pubes tells a lie. It's kind of his thing, like bankruptcy and barebacking pornstars. But since we look to be headed into a Category 5 Mueller Storm, let's flag this weakass piece of driftwood Trump's getting ready to hang onto for dear life. Last week Trump told The Hill's Jonathan Solomon (speaking of weakass driftwood!) and wingnut talkshow host Buck Sexton: President Trump: I've always said that the Russia hoax was an excuse for them losing the election. Even though actually, amazingly that started seven months before. That started when it looked like I may have a chance to win, OK? But see that didn't do anything to me because I didn't know about it. One thing on that again, also, if they thought there was something with Russia, and I'm one of two people that are gonna be the president of the United States, they should have come to me and said, "Sir, you're dealing with people that may have something to do with Russia. We want to let you know." And I'd say, "I'm sorry whoever it may be, you gotta go, sorry." John Solomon: They never did that, did they? President Trump: They never did it, no, they never did it. No, but wouldn't you think they'd say hey, you know there's two people that have a chance. (There was a brief interruption in the interview.) Yes, it's tempting to speculate about that "brief interruption." Just which part of Trump's anatomy did these two very serious journalists fondle off the record? But don't get distracted, because, ewwwwwwwwww! And also, HE IS LYING OUT HIS ORANGE ASS! The FBI told Donald Trump in August of 2016, during the campaign, that the Russians were trying to grab Trumpland by the naked greed and incompetence. NBC reports, The briefings were led by counterintelligence specialists from the FBI, the sources said. They were timed to occur around the period when the candidates began receiving classified intelligence, the officials said, which put them at greater risk for being targeted by foreign spies. Trump's first intelligence briefing as Republican nominee was Aug. 17, 2016, sources told NBC News at the time. Trump was "briefed and warned" at the session about potential espionage threats from Russia, two former law enforcement officials familiar with the sessions told NBC News. A source close to the White House said their position is that Trump was unaware of the contacts between his campaign and Russians. And, by the by, Don Jr. got an email offering sexxxxxy Hillary dirts as "part of Russia and its government's support for Mr. Trump," in June of 2016, and his response was, "I love it!" But please, tell us more about the DEEP STATE CONSPIRACY to do GOTCHAS on poor, innocent Donald Trump by hiding Russia's outreach efforts from him. As White House Watch's Dan Froomkin points out in detail, Trump flogged this bullshit repeatedly over the summer. Simmer down, Poppy! And speaking of Donald Trump and the FBI ... last night Trump sat down with Sean Hannity to ask why Dr. Christine Blasey Ford didn't "call the FBI 36 years ago" when a drunken Brett Kavanaugh tried to rape her. And suddenly, all our guilt for making fun of Trump's misshapen junk DISAPPEARED! Lyinass, toad dick sumbitch needs to keep Dr. Blasey's name out of his filthy mouth! [ The Hill / White House Watch / NBC]Follow your FDF on Twitter!Almost made it to the weekend! Click here to keep your Wonkette snarking for whatever crazy shit is coming next week.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Idiot Lawyer Ed Whelan Used SCIENCE (And Zillow) To Prove It *Really Was* Brett Kavanaugh's Evil Twin
    Thursday night was one of those nights when Twitter LOST ITS EVERLOVING SHIT. Such fun!Ed Whelan, who is the president of the adorably named "Ethics and Public Policy Center," and also a blogger at National Review Online, which means he's a #VrySrsPerson, debuted his integrated theory of how Brett Kavanaugh couldn't have tried to rape Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, because of the scientific method he created out of his butt.As evidence, he used facts, reason, science, Zillow, Brett Kavanaugh's high school yearbook, and Google Maps, which solved ALL OF IT. First of all, Whelan says Brett Kavanaugh is not the real rapist because he just lived too far away. (They did not have cars when Brett Kavanaugh was in high school, apparently.) Ed Whelan found another guy who went to high school with Brett Kavanaugh, guy whom he named by name, and we're not gonna, guy who's a middle school teacher now and who looked kiiiiiiiinda like Brett Kavanaugh in high school -- not really hardly at all, but we guess they share a certain entitled white boy joie de douche -- and his house was right near the Columbia Country Club. UH OH! Christine Blasey Ford said the incident happened near Columbia Country Club! Therefore QED MUH-FUCKERS, Not Brett did the raping, not that Ed Whelan is accusing Not Brett of being a rapist, perish the thought and bless his heart!Before we show you these tweets -- which have been screengrabbed for posterity in case Whelan A) takes his meds, B) is threatened by the RISEN LORD HIMSELF over this thread, or C) is contacted by this PRIVATE CITIZEN'S LAWYER and deletes them -- a quick backgrounder is in order. (And wouldn't you know it, they're gone! Also, Ed Whelan is very "sorry.")All the way back on Tuesday, Whelan sent these tweets, suggesting he had SEEKRIT KNOWLEDGE about what was really happening here: He expected COMPELLING EVIDENCE! There would be NO CLOUDS, NO CLOUDS, YOU ARE THE CLOUDS over Brett Kavanaugh! Whelan continued to foreshadow a bombshell of epic proportions on Wednesday, and he even linked to that surely Pulitzer-worthy nonsense from Kathleen Parker about how maybe Brett Kavanaugh's evil twin tried to rape Christine Blasey Ford.But no bombs hath dropped in the ensuing time, and what kind of prophet would Ed Whelan be if his earlier predictions did not come true?So he tooketh to Twitter forthwith: Maybe she's not just a CRAZY LADY crying rape like a common CRAZY LADY. But it sure wasn't Brett! So Kavanaugh lived 3.6 miles from the club, which in the ancient days of the early 1980s, would be at least a day trip on a Conestoga wagon. The other people at the party lived even further than that, so the party obviously didn't exist, but anyway, Brett Kavanaugh couldn't have been there because HERE'S WHY.He literally followed up with a map, showing where all these people lived. #Research CASE CLOSED? No wait, it's not time for that yet.Know what's real close to the Columbia Country Club? THIS HOUSE. Crime solved! Oh wait, Ed Whelan may be getting ahead of himself.But STUDY THAT FLOOR PLAN CLOSELY, as it is similar to the floorplan of literally no other houses ever. Also study these stairs, because who ever heard of stairs coming up from a foyer in the middle like that? Christine Blasey Ford has! She said there was a foyer! Ed Whelan, architectural analyst, noted that at the top of the stairs there was a bedroom, which is super weird design, except for how it features in pretty much every traditional two-story house in the United States of America. Not only that, but there was a bathroom in that hallway! And Christine Blasey Ford said she hid in a bathroom across the hall! What kind of a house has bathrooms upstairs by the bedrooms????CRIME SOLVED YET? No, Ed Whelan, you are getting ahead of yourself again! Whelan went through more floor plan analysis, none of which is worth printing here, before his big reveal, which was that this guy Not Brett lived there, and Not Brett was a classmate of Brett Kavanaugh's! (Before you get any more creeped out by Ed Whelan than you already are over how he has the address where this dude lived in high school, realize that he most likely got his hands on a yearbook from Georgetown Prep, which for some weird-ass reason had all the students' home addresses next to their pictures. Maybe it's a boarding school thing.)You can check out Whelan's thread if you want, but we're not printing the yearbook picture or the current day pictures of Not Brett that Ed Whelan irresponsibly tweeted, because WE'RE NOT ASSHOLES and we've NEVER BEEN SUED, but as we said he and Kavanaugh don't really look alike. Moreover, if you are a rich white girl who knows all the guys at Georgetown Prep, where the classes had about 65 boys apiece, you are more than capable of telling the white boys apart. Of course, if you are Ed Whelan, they look EXACTLY ALIKE and Not Brett lived in the house and he did the raping, not that Ed Whelan is accusing him of the raping! (OR IS HE?)Whelan noted in another tweet that Not Brett was also really good friends with the creepy and tight-lipped Mark Judge, who refuses to talk to the Senate Judiciary Committee about this, and who is alleged by Dr. Blasey to have been the second drunk-ass white boy in the room when Brett Kavanaugh was trying to rape her. Whelan seems to accept that Mark Judge was at the party, so we guess in this #investigation, we are still to believe that Judge is an accomplice to an alleged attempted rape. Wonder how he feels about that.Whelan concluded by saying he regrets he had to solve the crime like this, and he super regrets having to bring this private citizen's name into it and call him a Maybe Rapey, but, well, DIANNE FEINSTEIN MADE HIM DO IT: Oh the humanity! Anyway, Brett's innocent now, it has been definitively proven. Pfffffft, it couldn't have been Brett Kavanaugh, who was in a secret society at Yale that people often referred to as "Tit and Clit" as well as the charming Deke fraternity (motto: "No means yes, yes means anal"). This means it was MAYBE Not Brett but maybe not, wouldn't want to libel the guy, now would you, Ed?Now some conspiracy-minded people (REBECCA) are wondering if this was coordinated, as in, was this middle school teacher named "Not Brett" going to get paid off to take the fall, and will he be known as an attempted rapist forevermore? We'll have to see when his lawyer responds, but we doubt it. We do think it's coordinated to a degree, though, and that some of the stupidest people on the entire internet latched on to it, either because they got an email previewing this dumb-as-fuck-shit, or because they are just that fucking stupid that OF COURSE they latched on.Here's some RED-HANDED evidence of COLLUSION between Whelan and the Senate office of Orrin Hatch, that lying throwaway from God's kingdom who is DEFINITELY not getting his own Mormon planet after all this: Damn!Twitchy with its NINE PAID STAFFERS (at least there used to be) treated this as the #BOMBSHELL it obviously is not: Twitchy is a very serious website. You can tell by the font they use in headlines.Erick Erickson stopped fucking goats long enough to tweet this: Convicted felon Dinesh D'Souza added much-needed gravitas to Whelan's theory by cosigning it: And noted Heaving Neckbeard Ross Douthat of the New York Times even piled on! Either that or Ross Douthat is not aware that his good friend Ed Whelan may have suffered a tiny little psychotic break. Check on your friend, Neckbeard!Josh Barro asked Douthat a good question, namely that if Whelan actually has the goods on how Heather told Hunter that a close reading of suburban DC floor plans on Zillow shows that there was a hallway bathroom upstairs, which is so uncommon in suburban houses as to be akin to a Bigfoot sighting, therefore (DUN DUN "LAW & ORDER" NOISES) Not Brett is the real rapist, then why was he so "careful" not to accuse the guy? We need to have a discussion about how incredibly stupid people are allowed to have successful legal careers, as long as they're willing to go the "conservative hack" route, but we're not having it right now. Anyway, clearly, the paint-huffing crowd is pretty much certain it has found the #RealTruth, and when Christine Blasey Ford says, "Nah, I remember Not Brett, and he didn't try to rape me," then she is obviously just "mixed up" again, right, Orrin Hatch? We're pretty sure she knows who drunkenly put his hand over her mouth to muffle her screaming while he tried to rape her. And oh would you LOOKIE HERE:Ford dismissed Whelan's theory in a statement late Thursday: "I knew them both, and socialized with" them, Ford said, adding that she had once visited the other classmate in the hospital. "There is zero chance that I would confuse them."As for the coordination, though, we don't think there's a conspiracy to pay off Chris to become a rapist in the eyes of the public in order that Brett Kavanaugh may become the man to destroy Roe v. Wade and install Donald Trump as president for life. We think it's much simpler and much dumber than that, and that Josh Marshall nailed it. Exactly. Ed Whelan thought he FIGGERED IT. He was probably awake for 48 hours straight on a bath salts binge (allegedly!) and, thinking himself to be some sort of poor man's Carrie Mathison, he put pictures all over his walls and stared at them until BING BONG! MYSTERY SOLVED! FOUND THE RAPIST! ALLEGEDLY!And he probably thought a real news organization was going to be like "By George, we think he's got it!" He probably was sending shit out like "Politico, forthwith I render unto thee A SCOOP! Thither lies the truth!" But all the news organizations (except Kathleen Parker maybe; Rebecca asked her on Twitter but weird, she didn't respond) gave him were some nervous laughs and a few referrals to DC-area neurologists.Until Fox & Friends this morning, because of course. Oh what a fucking world we live in.Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Click if you want us to live FOREVER.How often would you like to donate? 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  • Trump Derangement Syndrome. Wonkagenda For Fri., Sept. 21, 2018
    Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today. In a letter to the Senate Judiciary Committee, lawyers for Dr. Christine Blasey Ford have said Dr. Blasey is prepared to testify as soon as Thursday provided there are "terms that are fair and which ensure her safety." Her lawyers called the insistence that she testify on Monday "arbitrary," and dismissed the evil twin theory. Her lawyers also stressed, "Her strong preference continues to be for the Senate Judiciary Committee to allow for a full investigation prior to her testimony."An idiot is really going with the Evil Twin theory for Kavanaugh. No link, it's super-libelous (but yeah, we're on it). UPDATE: He sort of apologized. Sort of. Fifty-six brave souls were arrested protesting the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh yesterday after they brought the ruckus to the Senate Dirksen Building and annoyed the hell out of Senate Republicans. In a new letter to congressional leaders, former staffers are urging Congress to change sexual harassment and discrimination policies on the Hill. The House and Senate have both passed updates to the Congressional Accountability Act earlier this year, but they've yet to reconcile both bills. The lifestyles of Washington's rich and powerful have been turned upside down since Dr. Blasey's allegations surfaced. Reporters are now climbing through clubhouse windows, traipsing over lush golf courses, and harassing the wealthy elitists who demand the foul smelling proles stop exposing the "in-crowd" to such inapplicable concepts as accountability and justice.New numbers on Kavanaugh confirmation via NBC News/WSJ poll pic.twitter.com/EM9GKLZCHw— Morning Joe (@Morning_Joe) September 21, 2018ABC News reports Michael Cohen has been spending A LOT of time with Robert Mueller's justice league. Cohen has ALLEGEDLY spilled his guts for hours about what Trump spent his rubles on without any guarantee that the courts won't LOCK HIM UP when it comes time for sentencing.ALLEGED Russian spy Maria Butina has sent a subpoena to American University in Washington demanding copies of class rosters from her time as a grad student. A former professor tells the Daily Beast that Butina openly bragged about connecting the Trump campaign to the Kremlin during her last semester. OH, REALLY?Trump went to Las Vegas to rant and ramble in support of Sen. Dean Heller and other downballot Republicans. Trump also bitched, pissed, whined, and moaned about a "red wave," "fake news," Brett Kavanaugh, and Jeff Sessions. Before Trump addressed his sycophants, Jeanine Pirro suggested Dr. Blasey's allegation was the result of hypnosis, and then Trump was jerked off by Hannity in front of a ravenous crowd of bloodthirsty lizard people. Yesterday Trump was watching the House Freedom crazies bitch on Fox News about the stop-gap spending bill; suddenly Trump was threatening to shut the government down on Sept. 30 if Congress doesn't cough up cash for his stupid Tortilla Curtain along the Mexican border. In response, congressional Republican leaders said, "Fine, fuck it, go ahead," then stormed off to a cocktail lounge to drown their sorrows. The assault from corporate Republicans on pre-existing conditions is helping Democrats defend Obamacare. Repeal legislation has stalled in the Senate, and Republicans do not want to talk about it on the campaign trail, but a 20 state lawsuit that threatens to gut pre-existing conditions is giving many House and Senate Republican hopefuls that deer-in-the-headlights look. The Trump administration has given the greenlight to use offensive cyber weapons against bad guy hackers. NSC advisor John Bolton told reporters, "Our hands are not as tied as they were in the Obama administration," in reference to Obama's hesitence to start a cyberwar with basement dwelling jerkoffs and Russians who have no reservations about shutting down power grids in Bumblefuck, America. #MAGAMaggie Haberman gossips that Republican leaders are concerned Trump's belief in a "Red Wave" will create a disaster this fall and that they'll find themselves without jobs thanks to with idiots like David Bossie and Corey Lewandowski whispering in Trump's ear. Meanwhile, 20-something White House aides are (NO JOKE) listening to Slate's Slow Burn podcast in order to get a handle on what happens during impeachment.Internal RNC polling shows that nobody likes the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) by a 2-to-1 margin (61 to 30 percent), and that most people rightly believe they unfairly benefit large corporations and the very wealthy. Despite this miserable reality, House Republicans still intend to try and make the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) permanent next week. A group of Democratic congresswomen have launched a campaign to back pro-choice women as part of the DCCC "Red to Blue" program called "Elect Democratic Women."While everyone focuses on Beto, a number of downballot seats in Texas have the potential to flip in favor of Democrats. This has Republicans in damage control and pouring money into races, but behind the scenes Democrats are a bit worried about Latino voter turnout in local races after the embarrassing defeat of state Sen. Pete Gallego this week.A redneck father and son in Texas are charged with murder after shooting their 37-year-old neighbor for trying to throw a twin mattress in a dumpster. Video footage from the victim's partner shows the two men telling the victim, "I'm going to kill you," after being confronted for pulling a gun on the victim's kids.It's widely expected that Trump will lay a giant steaming turd in the middle of the UN next week when he calls to protect "US sovereignty," and encourages other countries to do the same. So much for peace in our time...The EU has rejected a UK proposal to keep an economic relationship after Brexit, and now conservatives want the head of British Prime Minister Theresa May after she called the proposal the "only serious and credible proposition on the table." A Romanian woman pleaded guilty to infecting DC police security cameras with ransomware just prior to the crowning of Trump as God-Emperor the Americas. Trump's trade war has had the added bonus of helping North Korea ignore international sanctions with the aid of Russia and China as both countries carry out elaborate fuel smuggling operations in the contested waters of the South China Sea.Anti-vax populists just scored a major win in Italy after legislators passed a measure that allows children to be in school without vaccines. All parents have to do is send their adorable little plague carrier to school with a note that says "vaccinated," no doctor's note required.The European Center for Press and Media Freedom is warning about far-right protesters assaulting reporters in Eastern Germany. The report stresses video and photojournalists are being singled out, and cautions, "Everyone who can be identified as a journalist ... must expect to be openly attacked." :(Kellyanne Conway went on CNN and got all butthurt and threatened to walk out of the interview after Chris Cuomo kept having to fact-check all her lies. PPPFFFFFScientists at Johns Hopkins doused octopuses with MDMA in the name of science ... and drugs. And here's your morning Nice Time! Baby Gorilla!Follow Dominic on Twitter and Instagram!We're 100% ad-free and reader-supported, so consider buying us coffee, or get a subscription! How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Mazie Hirono All Up Chuck Grassley's Butt Like ALOHA, MOTHERFUCKER!
    MAZIE! MAZIE MAZIE MAZIE!Have you all been noticing that Senator Mazie Hirono of Hawaii has been breaking her foot off in some asses lately? We have been noticing it!This woman, who is battling cancer, is OVER IT. She is OVER THESE DUMB ASSHOLE GOP MEN in the Senate and wherever else these men are currently bothering her, and she is probably done with YOUR FACE, if your face is one of the things that pisses Mazie Hirono off. Here she is addressing ridiculous allegations that Senate Judiciary Committee chair Chuck Grassley is somehow doing his job and working real hard to get in touch with Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, the woman Brett Kavanaugh allegedly tried to rape 36 years ago, so they can work out a time for Dr. Blasey to testify for the committee in a way that makes her comfortable: "That is such bullshit I can hardly stand it."HEAR HER ROAR. Mazie Hirono will take the Senate's tradition of decorum and congeniality and shove it up Chuck Grassley's ass, which is fine by us, because we're pretty sure the Senate's tradition of decorum and congeniality is the dumbest thing ever.This comes on the heels of a presser earlier this week where Hirono told the men on her committee and the men in the whole entire country to STEP THE FUCK UP for Dr. Blasey's rights, because did we mention she is OVER IT?Thing is, she's been doing this for a while. We're not going to search the internet for YouTube clips of Mazie Hirono being a badass because ... um, don't wanna ... but trust us that they are out there, and that when you are watching your MSNBC and they say "Mazie Hirono is speaking" or "our special guest tonight is Mazie Hirono," YOU'D BEST BE WATCHIN'.As we have noted several times lately, the GOP's insistence that it just cannot possibly let the FBI investigate Dr. Blasey's claims (because the committee's staffer's are investigatin' 'em, you bet!), but that they are SO EXCITED to have her come testify at her earliest convenience, which Chuck Grassley has defined as this coming Monday and absolutely no later, is bullshit. They don't want her coming in at all. They want her to decide she can't make it, so Orrin Hatch and John Cornyn can rest easy in their belief that Dr. Blasey is a silly little lady who musta come to her senses and realized that if anybody tried to rape her, it was probably just Brett Kavanaugh's evil twin. That way, they can put Bart O'Boofer on the Supreme Court and he can begin shitting on women from on high!They are bluffing, pure and simple. Well, as we have been writing this post, and as we expected she might, Christine Blasey Ford has begun to call their bluff. Her lawyer emailed the committee to say, yes, maybe she can come in next week, on the following conditions, which are that the committee provide for HER SAFETY, since she has been receiving a lot of death threats from lovely Republicans, for the crime of telling her truth. But, yeah, still, Monday won't work. Also hey, why don't you have the FBI do an investigation so the Republican senators will have questions to ask besides "What were you wearing that night and doesn't that mean you were asking for it, not that Brett Kavanaugh was even at that party?"Here's the letter: And wouldn't you know it, but that came on the heels of the Republicans starting to blink and say MAYBE their self-imposed deadline of tomorrow morning for Dr. Blasey to submit her testimony might not be a hard deadline and maybe they might be willing to work with her. So in response, they got this nice letter from her lawyer.And why? Because the GOP white men on the Senate Judiciary Committee are full of shit (plus Susan Collins, who manages to be full of shit from afar), and everybody knows it. Christine Blasey Ford knows it, her lawyer knows it, Wonkette knows it (DEAR GOD, we know it) and the Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee -- especially women like Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar and MAZIE FUCKING HIRONO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- know it. And they are the BOSS OF YOU.Now go forth and have an open thread and try not to piss Mazie Hirono off, OK?Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Click if you want us to live FOREVER.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Facebook: White Nationalism Is Thumbs-Up Like Emoticon!
    Donald Trump's presidency has made white nationalism fashionable again. It doesn't help matters that social networking giant Facebook has offered white nationalists a global platform for their hate. Back in May, Motherboard obtained internal documents that revealed how Facebook planned to handle white supremacist content on its site after Charlottesville. It was incredibly stupid. See, Facebook wouldn't let you post praise of white supremacy as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white supremacist. It would allow you to post praise of white nationalism as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white nationalist. All those tech bros and all those hoodies in the same place and they still couldn't muster the collective brain power to understand that white supremacy and white nationalism are synonymous, by which I mean the exact same thing but with a slightly different arrangement of letters. Those of you who are quick to argue that white nationalism is no different from black nationalism, well, shut up! Also, historically, black nationalism promoted economic and political independence from a country that had actively oppressed and exploited black people. Black separatism would also seek to redress the original sin of slavery, as our introduction to America wasn't voluntary. Black folks could honestly take our seasoned food and jazz cigarettes and just live peacefully someplace. Hey, it's never been tested. White nationalism, back when it was called manifest destiny, has been tested, and it came back positive for smallpox. Yes, there are black nationalists who are anti-Semitic and wrongly believe they are God's "chosen people," but they have no influence in mainstream society and no elected officials support them. It's not like Barack Obama had Louis Farrakhan over for bean pie socials. Meanwhile, Jeff Sessions and Stephen Miller are in the White House (well, not for long in Jeff's case). Issa Rae proclaiming that she's "rooting for everybody black" is not equivalent to the latest well-connected Republican donor turning out to be a drooling racist. White nationalism meanwhile is increasing in prominence, which is easy to do when it was always prominent and never really stopped. It's like pointing out that Lupita Nyong'o has increased in beauty. How do you find a starting point for measurement? This is why Facebook's tolerance of white nationalist ideology is so repugnant. We already know how this works out because we have access to history books. Becky Monroe, the director of the Stop Hate Project at the Lawyers' Committee for Civil Rights Under Law, recently explained all this to Facebook, and I imagine her face was in such perpetual eye-roll she had to wear shades to avoid offending anyone. "The idea that making a distinction that is basically buying into what the white nationalists are trying to sell is deeply troubling." White nationalism sounds better than white supremacy, especially in contrast to black nationalism. It's how Neo-Nazi retweeter Steve King can serve in the House of Representatives while Republicans roundly reject David Duke, who often praises them for saying things he says all the time. I dare say this is a form of classism -- viewing racism as the rants of "rednecks" in trailer parks and ignoring its more potent form when dressed up in a suit and tie and spoken without a Southern accent.Amazingly, when Monroe's staff met with Facebook this summer, no one could come up with a single example of white nationalism or white separatism that was not inherently white supremacist. Actually, that's not amazing or surprising at all. It's best not to consider how much money Facebook wasted to come to a conclusion my dad, who attended a lousy segregated school in South Carolina, could've helped them reach over a phone call.Facebook seriously allowed content calling for the creation of a white-ethno state. Their training slide even offered this genocidal gem as an example of what was "acceptable": "The US should be a white-only nation." It might be hard to notice at Facebook, but non-white people are already here. How did Mark Zuckerberg and his merry bros imagine white nationalists would solve this problem? I wouldn't trust any "solutions" that come from the Nazi-aligned.I've noted that when it comes to racial politics, the black folks who gain access to a large platform are comparatively moderate. After all, even the hardly self-aggrandizing "Black Lives Matter" is considered controversial or even a hate group itself. Facebook has a documented history of treating those you might consider black nationalists the same way they do white supremacists. And even less extreme black thinkers rarely receive the "All Speech Matters" treatment that white nationalists enjoy. Writer Ijeoma Oluo had content scrubbed from Facebook that simply identified racism she'd endured. Facebook apologized but the damage had been done and the pattern continued with less notable users.Monroe's team from the organization with the long name even patiently pointed out to Facebook that giving the thumb's up to white separatist rhetoric (e.g. "white separatism is the perfect solution to America's problems") was "at odds with the central tenet of Brown v. Board of Education, the foundational Supreme Court ruling which found the doctrine of racial segregation is inherently unequal." In other words: "Hey, dummies, we tried white separatism. It was called Jim Crow. Nina Simone wrote songs about it." Facebook is a private enterprise and if it wants to offer a platform for racists, it's free to do so (and help make POC significantly less free in the process). But it does more than enable racism when it seeks to make a semantic distinction between white supremacy and white nationalism. It furthers the cause, desensitizing Americans to philosophies and institutions that the Civil Rights Movement spent decades fighting.Honestly, guys, please hire some black people.Follow SER on Twitter.Wonkette is solely funded by about 3000 readers a month. Make it 4000, so we will NEVER DIE.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Is Brett Kavanaugh's Evil Twin The Real Attempted Rapist? Maaaaaybe!
    Over this past week, we have heard some fascinating excuses for Brett Kavanaugh having allegedly attempted to rape Dr. Christine Blasey Ford when he was in high school. Hey, he didn't rape us, said some ladies who knew him. It could have just been horseplay, said his spokesperson Carrie Severino! He wasn't even there, said Orrin Hatch! It totally doesn't matter anyway because he has done enough good in his lifetime that he should get to sexually assault like, one lady, said Dennis Prager! Maybe it was a false memory and she hallucinated the whole thing, said the Dilbert guy!So many possible options. But something was missing. We didn't know it, but we felt it in our bones. And then, today, Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Kathleen Parker dropped it in the Washington Post. What if it wasn't Brett Kavanaugh, she tells us all, very seriously, but rather his evil twin. Or someone who just looked a whole lot like him. Perhaps even this "Bart O'Kavanaugh" we have been hearing so much about.Let's hear her out!As crazy as that sounds, it wouldn't be unheard of. And, given the high regard in which Kavanaugh has been held throughout his life, including during high school, it would make the most sense. Could there be a Kavanaugh doppelganger?"The most sense." Really? It doesn't seem like it would make "the most sense." It would, however, be a super convenient explanation for those who really, really want Brett Kavanaugh to be on the Supreme Court but do not want to look like they don't believe a woman who says he attacked her. Could there have been another, Kavanaugh-ish-looking teen at the house that night, who might have attacked Ford? (For his part, Judge has written in a memoir that he was an ubiquitous presence at alcohol-drenched parties during high school.)Cases of mistaken identity are far from rare. People with the same name are often confused, as was the case with Ford herself. On Monday, Drudge Report tweeted a link to an article on another site that seemed intended to discredit her with negative comments by her former students. But it turned out that the reviews pertained to another California professor named Christine Ford.It seems like that is not so much a case of mistaken identity as it is just the Drudge Report being very bad at journalism. Of course there are multiple Christine Fords in the world. Neither of those names are uncommon! But there is a big difference between being bad at journalism and saying, "Hey, this person, whom I knew, tried to rape me." To prove her point, Parker notes that one time, there was a guy who looked like John Dillinger and kept getting arrested because he looked like John Dillinger. Again, however, it seems as though Dr. Blasey knew Brett Kavanaugh, so even if there was someone who looked a whole lot like him, it stands to reason that she knew she was at a party with Brett Kavanaugh, however generic looking he might be. This theory? I'm not buying it. But I do have some other possible theories that Parker may want to consider for her next groundbreaking op-ed: It could actually be his evil identical cousin. Like Patty Duke and David Duke.It was his doppelganger, but much like Princess Gina/Hope on Days of Our Lives, said doppelganger was actually someone who got plastic surgery to look exactly like Brett Kavanaugh and pretended to be him in order to win back the love of his life/go around trying to rape ladies at shitty house parties, and the REAL Brett Kavanaugh was trapped in a cage the whole time!The doppelganger is actually Dark Brett Kavanaugh from another dimension, in which he is a vampire and wears a lot more PVC than the regular Brett Kavanaugh from this dimension.It actually was Brett Kavanaugh but he has a split personality, but he doesn't know he has a split personality on account of how it only ever comes out when he wants to sexually assault someone or rule against women's reproductive rights.It actually was Brett Kavanaugh, but he was under an evil witch's spell, like Evil Charity on Passions.Brett Kavanaugh and Bart O'Kavanaugh were separated at birth because their real mother couldn't afford to keep both of them and so she gave Brett to her employer to raise as her own -- and the rich one, the real Brett Kavanaugh, is the one who tried to rape Christine Blasey Ford. BUT, the poor one murdered him and took over his life. Like in the Bette Davis movies Dead Ringer and A Stolen Life and also kind of like in Blood Brothers, but not really because they both die in that. Dr. Blasey is actually the one with the secret twin, and her secret twin was dating Brett Kavanaugh, and they were very into role play, and Brett Kavanaugh thought she was her own twin, which she wasn't.It was Brett Kavanaugh, but he was possessed by an evil inter-dimensional entity named BOB -- known to be prone to both rape and murder -- at the time, so he is not responsible for his actions at this time.The possibilities, truly, are endless, so long as one is really, really desperate and willing to cling to any explanation that allows one to reconcile thinking that Brett Kavanaugh should be a Supreme Court justice, soon to be in charge of telling women what they are legally allowed to do with their bodies. [The Washington Post]Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you! Make sure you donate your money to the Good Wonkette, not the Evil Wonkette (Evil Wonkette has a goatee, obviously)!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Brett Kavanaugh Don't Need No FBI Investigation Since GOP Staff Is ON IT
    Senate Judiciary Committee chair Chuck Grassley has decided no FBI investigation is needed into Christine Blasey Ford's claim that Brett Kavanaugh tried to rape her, because investigating Supreme Court nominees is none of the FBI's business, and besides, there's a confirmation vote that needs to be rushed through. In a letter to committee Democrats, Grassley explained his guys are ON IT and dragging in a bunch of amateur detectives from the nation's top law enforcement agency would just be incredibly unfair to Kavanaugh, you monsters. Grassley very patiently explained that in asking for additional checking into the claims, the Dems clearly don't understand the FBI's role, which is limited to the time between the nomination being made and the Judiciary Committee holding hearings, so TOO LATE. In fact, asking the FBI to look into the matter further would create a CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS!!!![The] FBI does not make a credibility assessment of any information it receives with respect to a nominee. Nor is it tasked with investigating those matters that this Committee deems important. The Constitution assigns the Senate, and only the Senate, with the task of advising the President on his nominees and consenting if the circumstances merit. We have no power to commandeer an Executive Branch agency into conducting due diligence. The job of assessing and investigating a nominee's qualifications in order to decide whether to consent to the nomination is ours, and ours alone. Oh, but what about the Anita Hill allegations in 1991? Those came up after the Judiciary Committee hearings, and the FBI investigated those, however hurriedly and sloppily. Nope, nothing doing, says Grassley, because of Secret Rule I Pulled Out Of My Ass Wednesday Morning: Hill's allegations were only leaked to the media after the last-minute FBI investigation was finished, so that's totally different, and the only reason the FBI handled the investigation was to protect Hill's identity, but now everyone knows who Dr. Ford is, so no FBI. Judiciary (then controlled by Dems) only reopened the investigation after Hill's identity became public, which means the committee is "in the same position the Committee was in" back then, don't you see? And the committee certainly didn't ask for a new FBI investigation in 1991, now did it? Really. That's his reason. Go read the letter; we are not making that shit up, though it sure looks like Grassley is winging it with that confidentiality stuff. Maybe the fact that there had BEEN an FBI investigation counted for something? Nah.Strangely enough, that's not what historian Tim Weiner, who's written books on the FBI and CIA, told WaPo columnist Greg Sargent:He argued to me that the Republican argument against further FBI scrutiny of Ford's charges is "nonsense."Weiner told me that it is not just desirable, but "essential," for the FBI to examine the new charges against Kavanaugh, "not just to determine whether he was a drunken rapey teenager, but to determine whether he is a liar." Kavanaugh has flatly denied Ford's charges, and he is expected to do the same when he testifies publicly again."Drunken rapey teenager"? We can only conclude that "Tim Weiner" is a coded anagram for "Evan Hurst." Same number of letters. Grassley explained all this in a couple of tweets which made clear this is all a matter of High Principle: Yes, this is Grassley bitching about the Dems not alerting the FBI on July 30 AND insisting committee Dems would provoke a constitutional crisis by dragging the FBI into the Senate's business. And by Crom, Chuck Grassley will not hold with OUTSIDE AGITATORS INVESTIGATORS: Besides, Grassley's staff is perfectly fine at the investigating. Just look how open-minded top Grassley staffer Mike Davis is -- he briefly locked his Twitter account, but is totally dedicated to a fair and objective process of definitely confirming Kavanaugh: Gosh, why WOULDN'T Dr Ford trust the committee to be fair and impartial? The even offered to let her be probed privately, maybe even with Democrats there. Couldn't expect that level of objectivity from the FBI, now could you? Besides, the Democrats were invited to participate in rushing Kavanaugh through, and they wouldn't rush him through, so they had their chance. Justice (Kavanaugh) will be done. Oh, and lest anyone misunderstand the bit where he said he was "unfazed and determined" and "We will confirm" Kavanaugh, Davis, when his account came back out of hiding, deleted the tweets and clarified absolutely nothing: That's some ratio, huh?Those terrible leftists are just bent on twisting his meaning and refusing to participate in the thorough and fair investigation that "will confirm Judge Kavanaugh." Only a crazy PARTISAN would think otherwise. Now shut up and confirm this partisan hack to a lifetime appointment, OK? [WaPo / Roll Call / Senate Judiciary Committee letter / Photo by Gage Skidmore, Creative Commons license 2.0]Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money or we'll assume you just don't care about going on the record with your support.How often would you like to donate? 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  • New York Times Just Published A HOLY SHIT WOW Story On The Trump-Russia Conspiracy, So That's Unlike Them!
    Guys, the New York Times has published an incredible long read analyzing the Trump-Russia situation in its entirety, based on everything we know now ... and everybody has died of shock, because the NYT really sucks at that stuff usually!Haha, we jest (sort of).All jokes aside, it's a long read worth your time, so since it's Thursday and you ain't got nothin' better to do, open a tab and get readin', as this is a far cry from "Slate and Mother Jones scooped us and now we're pissed so NO RUSSIA, NO RUSSIA, YOU ARE THE RUSSIA: A Story by the New York Times," published just days before the election. It's also a far cry from "Sure, Trump is a balls-out criminal, we hate Hillary more, so let's talk about her emails and how the Clinton Foundation is raping puppies: Also a story by the New York Times," published every single day of the 2016 campaign.The Russians carried out a landmark intervention that will be examined for decades to come. Acting on the personal animus of Mr. Putin, public and private instruments of Russian power moved with daring and skill to harness the currents of American politics. Well-connected Russians worked aggressively to recruit or influence people inside the Trump campaign.The NYT even says the truth, without saying it with 100% certainty, which is that Putin's intervention probably handed the election to Donald Trump. We're used to politicians and pundits saying there's NO EVIDENCE THAT ONE VOTE WAS CHANGED, as if you have to be literally tinkering around inside voting systems (and Russia is and has been) to steal an election. The truth is that Russia's social media campaigns, its theft of Democrats' private emails, and its WikiLeaks campaign to release those emails obviously changed people's votes. That was kind of the entire fucking point, and we're fairly certain Robert Mueller has evidence that the Trump campaign was in on it.But it's so much more than that, and the operation has been running for a long damn time. Why? Because, as NYT puts it, "Putin was seething" over what he saw as America's long record of fucking with his dreams of turning Russia into a superpower again. And why did he fall head over heels in love for Trump?Mr. Putin, said Yuval Weber, a Russia scholar, "found for the first time since the collapse of the U.S.S.R. that he has a prospective president of the United States who fundamentally views international issues from the Russian point of view."That he does.Vladimir Putin's strongest personal animus, as we well know, was for Hillary Clinton, because she dared repeatedly to call Putin what he is, and to call his sham elections what they are. But it's so much bigger than that, and Clinton knows it. In her interview on "The Rachel Maddow Show" Tuesday night, Clinton and Maddow talked about just how far back Putin's meddling goes as it pertains to her specifically. Hell, when Clinton was secretary of State, Maddow noted, Paul Manafort was working a political operation for pro-Russia assholes in Ukraine that sought to label Clinton as anti-Semitic. The Russians really, really fucking hate her.But Clinton sees herself as not THE story, because unlike a certain person in the Oval Office, she knows it's not all about her:HILLARY CLINTON: The Russians are still interfering with our democracy. It's not as though they said whew, Hillary Clinton is gone, oh, she is not going to be president, we're all going home. No! They are trying to influence how we look at one another, how we treat each other. They're certainly, as Trump's own intelligence officials have stated, in our election systems. So what is the next chapter? You see, I think I was an obstacle to their plans to undermine and disrupt our democracy.I think I was an obstacle to their efforts to try to impose greater authoritarian control in Russia, go after people who were opponents of Putin's, whether they were in the LGBTQ community or the press, and I think that they wanted to get me out of the way. And the question I think is worth asking: Why did they want to get me out of the way? What is it they are trying to accomplish now? [...]I think I am a small part of the puzzle. I do believe that we're finding out more about how they viewed me and what they wanted to do to get me out of the way, but to get me out of the way to do what, Rachel? Yes, try to elect the president which apparently they succeeded at, but it was more than that. I think they play a long game. How refreshing! Interesting questions and thoughts from an intelligent adult who gives a shit! Hit this link for video if you like stuff like that.But anyway, back to the NYT piece, which lays out a timeline in excruciating detail of precisely what-all Russia and its chosen presidential campaign were up to before and during the 2016 campaign, and just how many tentacles were working in concert with each other to hurt Hillary Clinton and elect Russia's intelligence asset Donald Trump president. For example, it asks us to consider 10 days in March of 2016.Consider 10 days in March.Told you.On March 15 of that year, Mr. Trump won five primaries, closing in on his party's nomination, and crowed that he had become "the biggest political story anywhere in the world." That same day in Moscow, a veteran hacker named Ivan Yermakov, a Russian military intelligence officer working for a secret outfit called Unit 26165, began probing the computer network of the Democratic National Committee. In St. Petersburg, shift workers posted on Facebook and Twitter at a feverish pace, posing as Americans and following instructions to attack Mrs. Clinton.On March 21 in Washington, Mr. Trump announced his foreign policy team, a group of fringe figures whose advocacy of warmer relations with Russia ran counter to Republican orthodoxy. Meanwhile, Unit 26165 was poring over the bounty from a separate attack it had just carried out: 50,000 emails stolen from the Clinton campaign's chairman.On March 24, one of the members of the Trump foreign policy team, George Papadopoulos, sat in the cafe of an upscale London hotel with a Russian woman who introduced herself as Mr. Putin's niece and offered to help set up a meeting between the Russian president and Mr. Trump. The woman and the adviser exchanged frequent messages in the weeks that followed. Today, Mr. Padadopoulos is unsure that those messages came from the person he met in the cafe.There was so much going on, because Russia was working this war on many fronts. As we now know from Robert Mueller's indictments, the hackers were stealing the emails, and the trolls were inciting division among the American electorate. Meanwhile, Russian spies and oligarchs close to Putin were taking advantage of every opportunity they could to snake up the asses of Trump people, both directly and indirectly, through organizations like the NRA. And a hell of a lot of the people they targeted, the NYT points out, were ready and willing, and nobody called the FBI.They probably directly pushed Paul Manafort, boy wonder associate of "Putin's oligarch" Oleg Deripaska, into his position as the unpaid chair of Trump's campaign.There was Michael Flynn, who was already moving in the Russians' direction when Barack Obama fired his ass from the DIA, who somehow magically showed up in December of 2015 at Putin's side (with Jill Stein too!) at a gala for RT in Moscow. (One of our most favorite lies of the entire Trump-Russia scandal is that nobody at that dinner table talked to each other.) And then he joined the Trump team. Wonder what HE was really up to!There was Carter Page, the idiot Russian intelligence asset who somehow got hired to work on Trump's campaign foreign policy team, who then got invited as a "famous American economist" to give the commencement speech at the New Economic School in Moscow. As the NYT notes, the last "famous American" to do that was Barack Obama, so Carter Page was a natural next choice. Oh yeah, and there was the famous Trump Tower treason meeting of June 2016, where Russian spies who really did have Donald Trump Jr.'s number offered to conspire to help Daddy win an election, by delivering delicious Hillary Clinton dirt. And so much more!Before you knew it, Trump was winning (so much winning we got sick of winning) and he had hijacked the Republican party and turned it into a foreign policy arm of the Kremlin, saying NATO was obsolete and that really, all those sanctions on Russia are pretty mean and that if Russia wants to steal Crimea from Ukraine, who is America to stop them? Honestly, that was Putin's question all along.NYT quotes Khrushchev's great-granddaughter, Nina Khrushcheva, on what exactly Putin pulled off in 2016:"This operation was to show the Americans — that you bastards are just as screwed up as the rest of us," Professor Khrushcheva said. "Putin fulfilled the dream of every Soviet leader — to stick it to the United States. I think this will be studied by the K.G.B.'s successors for a very long time."Damn. Just damn.Would you believe we haven't even scratched the surface of this New York Times piece? No, you wouldn't, because according to this chart, Wonkette is a big liar. But this time we're truthin' you! The piece comes with this fun interactive timeline of Russia's various acts of war against the United States in the last several years (yes, we said a FUN timeline!), which is a handy companion to this other one from Just Security, of all the NO COLLUSION Trump and his people have been doing with Russia since he was barely "elected." Anyway, READ THE WHOLE THING, as they say on this here internet dot com, because this post is over now. Good job, NYT! May you continue to suck less than you usually do![New York Times / Real Clear Politics]Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Click if you want us to live FOREVER.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Trump Idiot Lawyer Has PROOF That NBC Framed Trump ... But It's A SECRET!
    If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell. And if that doesn't work, just make shit up. Talking hairpiece Jay Sekulow went on Chris Cuomo's CNN show Wednesday night to barf out the latest Trumpland nonsense on the Russian WITCH HUNT. Remember way back in May, 2017 when Donald Trump told Lester Holt about that hilarious time he fired James Comey to murder the Russia investigation? "I was going to fire Comey knowing there's no good time to do it. And in fact when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, 'you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should have won.'" Did you think that meant he actually fired Comey TO MURDER THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION? Watch and learn, kids! You know that when there are interviews, there are edits, and there's a longer transcript. And I will just tell you, without disclosing any detail, that when you review the entire transcript, it's very clear as to what happened. And -- I'm not going to give you information on how we provided it -- but in our professional discussions with the Office of the Special Counsel, we have addressed that on multiple occasions appropriately. Sekulow's not going to give you any details -- that shit's locked in a safe next to the corporate structure for his shady AF "charity." But just take his word for it, Chris. Lester Holt doctored that tape to make the president look like a justice-obstructing pussy-grabber, instead of a Boy Scout, dry-humping the leg of the Police Benevolent Association.We think the entire transcript without question supports the president realizing when he fired James Comey, it might actually extend this investigation. And he said that on the tape.UH HUH. He did say that. And also said he fired Comey because of "this RUSHUR thing," about "Trump and RUSHUR." So we guess we're right back where we started! Also, that comment was aired, so we're not sure what evidence Jay Sekulow has of SECRET LESTER HOLT DOCTORING. But we're sure he has it, because why would he ever lie?Last week Trump insisted he should have kicked Comey to the curb BEFORE THE ELECTION. If I did one mistake with Comey I should have fired him before I got here. I should have fired him the day I won the primaries. I should have fired him right after the convention. Say, 'I don't want that guy.'So, if you're going to pick one of Trump's dementia-theories to run with, Lester Holt: Rogue Video Editor is probably less idiotic than most.Let's wrap this stupid post up 2017-style, shall we? Jay Sekulow needs to get on his knees every day and thank Jesus for Rudy Giuliani, who actually manages to make him look competent and sane in comparison.[RawStory / The Hill]Follow your FDF on Twitter!Keep Wonkette snarkin' -- you know you want to! How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Ladies! Get EMPOWERED By Losing Your Reproductive Rights And Being Groped!
    In the words of the great Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. This week has been such a time for many of us out there, what with the impending prospect of seeing yet another sex predator who wants to take away our reproductive rights getting confirmed to the highest court in the land. Oh, it's almost like we, and our bodily autonomy, don't even matter at all. Thankfully, several conservative columnists have graciously taken the time to explain to the rest of us why we should stand by their man. Not for his good, but for our own. Because it will be empowering. So come on gals, let's switch out our sneakers for pumps like the the working gals in 1980s movies, set up our desk salads, and just really lean in to see what they have to say!First up, we've got Catherine Glenn Foster over at The Federalist, who wants us to know that losing our reproductive rights will empower us beyond our wildest dreams, according to the actual title of her essay. How will it do this, you ask? Well, Foster explains, in his 1992 opinion in Planned Parenthood vs. Casey, noted woman-empowerer Chief Justice William Rehnquist suggested that it was simply condescending to suggest that women had "reached their 'places in society' in reliance upon Roe, rather than as a result of their determination to obtain higher education and compete with men in the job market."Yeah, you go girls! You can totally have an unwanted pregnancy and kick ass on the job! Who says you can't? Not William Rehnquist, that is for sure!Except the thing is, no one is saying that isn't true. Well, except for the employers that pay mothers less than their other employees. They are totally saying that. Everyone else? Well, we're just saying that it ought to be up to the woman if she wants to do that or not.Foster also claims that abortion has made women poorer. She's not, like, toooootally sure how, but she knows there are more poor women than there were before Roe was passed, and she's pretty sure it's because of that, and not because of Reagan's economic policies or the decline of unions.One factor may be Roe's transfer of all responsibility for children to women. By teaching uncommitted men that the proximate cause of a baby is the woman's decision to give birth and not to abort—rather than the proximate cause being intercourse—women are the decision makers and therefore the cause of any child born. Since men have no rights regarding their unborn children, too many believe they have no responsibilities either.Except they do, legally. As one can learn from nearly any episode of the Maury Povich show, men are still required to pay child support. Granted, women still have to be the primary caretakers in these situations, but that is fucked up and should change as well. There is, however, no chance that making abortion illegal would change this. Men are not sitting around thinking, "Well gee, I would have taken care of my child, but women can have abortions so whatevs! Who cares!"Making abortion illegal, Foster continues, will also empower women by making men feel obligated to marry them. Because who is going to buy the cow when they can get the milk for free? According to scholars, that is.Scholars have further conjectured that abortion has negatively affected the marriage market by limiting women's bargaining power in the marriage choice. The availability of abortion as a "contraceptive" option has helped to make premarital sex more universally casual, and cohabitation frequently preferable to marriage. In gaining the option of abortion, many women are finding it more difficult to achieve the option of marriage.Truly what is more empowering than a beautiful, traditional, shotgun wedding? Who among us has not dreamed of the day that some dude would marry us just because it is the only way he can have sex? #ROMANCE, amirite? Otherwise, you might end up married to some dude who is just marrying you because you are both in love with each other and want to make it official/save money on your taxes. Like suckers! Oh, and also -- once you give up your right to abortion, Republicans and the business community will become suddenly cool with all the workplace protections for parents, and cool with parental leave. Surely!Legalized abortion has also forestalled balance and flexibility in the workplace because women are expected to use the right to abortion to prevent any conflict between work and family. These expectations, whether latent or expressed, are found in every sector of business and are deeply detrimental to women's well-being, as well as to that of their families.I cannot tell you how many interviews I have been on where I have been directly asked, "So, if you get pregnant you will have an abortion, right?" It is just expected! Clearly, this is a very good argument, with no holes in it whatsoever. But what of the fact that Kavanaugh is being accused of attempted rape? Is that empowering? According to Dennis Prager, it sure is! In an essay for the National Review, Prager explains that your morals are like a bank account. So like, if you do good overall, you can totally rape someone, and it is fine and should not count against you. Which is why it is totally cool when priests do it.Every one of us has a moral bank account. Our good deeds are deposits, and our bad deeds are withdrawals. We therefore assess a person the same way we assess our bank account. If our good actions outweigh our bad actions, we are morally in the black; if our bad actions greatly outweigh our good actions, we are morally in the red.By all accounts — literally all — Brett Kavanaugh's moral bank account is way in the black. He has led a life of decency, integrity, commitment to family, and commitment to community that few Americans can match. On these grounds alone, the charges against him as a teenager should be ignored.I know that if I get raped, I sure hope it is by a decent family man! Prager then explains that the truly empowering thing for women to do is to be like his wife, who was very chill about how her manager at work used to grab her breasts all the time. When my wife was a waitress in her mid teens, the manager of her restaurant grabbed her breasts and squeezed them on numerous occasions. She told him to buzz off, figured out how to avoid being in places where they were alone, and continued going about her job. That's empowerment.You go girl! That is some real good empowerment right there! Nothing more empowering than having to avoid your boss who is going to grab your boobs if you are alone together. Empowerment isn't knowing you're not going to get groped, it's getting groped and being chill about it and not doing anything that's going to ruin a good family man's life.So, just to recap here -- should Kavanaugh get a seat on the Supreme Court, women will be super empowered by losing their reproductive rights and possibly gaining a husband who is marrying them out of obligation and because that is the only way he will be able to get his dick wet, and they will be empowered by realizing that men trying to rape them isn't that big of a deal after all. That is definitely just as good as being sure that you will not be forced to give birth against your will, or getting justice for crimes committed against you. #LeanIn! [The Federalist | National Review]Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you! Drop a couple dollars in the hat if you can! It's ... empowering!How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Flood Victims Cope With Toxic Coal Ash, Pigshit, And Donald Trump
    Hurricane Florence is gone but the flooding is still very much an issue in the Carolinas and Virginia. Thirty-seven people are dead, and flooding has resulted in spills from multiple hog farm pigshit lagoons. And to make matters worse, the area is contending with Donald Trump attempting to do "empathy," for which there are no recovery funds available. Escaping Deputies Leave Mental Patients To Drown In Van. No Jokes There.In Horry County, South Carolina, two women being transported to a mental hospital drowned when the sheriff's van in which they were riding got caught in rising water, was forced off the road, and sank. The deputies attempted to unlock the rear of the van but were unable to. A statement from the sheriff's office said, "Despite persistent and ongoing efforts, floodwater rose rapidly, and the deputies were unable to open the doors," and by the time rescuers arrived, the deputies were stuck on top of the van, which had come to rest in a ditch. The women were identified as Wendy Newton, 45, and Nicolette Green, 43; the sheriff's office says it regularly transports patients from the hospital in Loris, South Carolina, to a larger facility in Florence, because the Loris hospital doesn't have a mental ward. "It's a courtesy they do," coroner Jerry Richardson said. "Sometimes you do the right thing and it ends up wrong."It appears reports the women were shackled in the back of the van were incorrect. South Carolina State Law Enforcement Division spokesperson Thom Berry said Wednesday that they weren't in handcuffs or shackles. The two deputies transporting the women have been placed on leave while the patients' deaths are investigated. Horry County Sheriff Phillip Thompson also said it appears the deputies drove around road barriers and the investigation will look at why. The women's bodies were recovered by divers Wednesday evening; Sheriff Thompson spoke to local station WPDE shortly afterward:"We are sorry. We take a lot of pride in what we do. We work hard to protect and serve our citizens. We are just so very sorry this event has taken place," he said with tears in his eyes.That's a different tone from a sheriff's office statement on Twitter in which an unattributed quote says the office was "pleased" with the performance of all agencies involved. Update/Correction: Horry County is in South, not North, Carolina. Text updated, and Wonkette regrets the error. Toxic Coal Ash And Pigshit, Oh MyThe extremely heavy rainfall from Florence flooded large areas, of course, turning freeways into rivers and cutting off some areas by road. And as expected, that's bad news in areas where factory hog farms have huge lagoons of pigshit and urine that have become one with local waterways:The N.C. Department of Environmental Quality said Tuesday that four open air lagoons that store hog waste have structural damage, up from two known pits whose retaining walls were compromised as of Monday.The environmental agency said 13 lagoons are overflowing from heavy rainfall and 55 are close to the brim and could overflow if water levels continue rising.Also, because three regional offices are closed due to the flooding, resulting in the evacuation, ahem, of employees, the department hasn't actually been inspecting any of the state's 3,300 pigshit lakes, and is instead relying on self-reporting from the more conscientious farmers -- at least, the ones who were able to take a look at the state of their pigshit containment systems. Since many farmers had to head for higher ground and haven't been back yet, the number of spills is only expected to increase. Many areas have been advised to boil all water used for drinking or brushing teeth, particularly in areas where old underground water pipes are susceptible to contaminated floodwater seeping through. The nonprofit Waterkeepers Alliance, which monitors toxic horrors in waters around the country, said a Cape Fear "riverkeeper" had spotted two pigshit lagoons that had been "completely emptied" and dozens more that had been inundated. Happily, the worst of the solids sink to the bottoms of the lagoons, so isn't that reassuring? The flooding has been disastrous for area farms, killing at least 3.4 million chickens and 5,500 hogs in North Carolina. In preparation for the advancing storm, farmers were moving their swine to higher land, but the intensity of the flooding exceeded all expectations. The N.C. Pork Council said some of the hogs drowned in flood waters, and others were killed by wind damage to barns.Gee, wonder if any of the farmers who pooh-poohed the flood levels were reassured by Rush Limbaugh's insistence that predictions of massive flooding were merely liberal exaggerations meant to give credence to climate change? Pfft. Pigshit floods, as if. Another concern is coal ash, the toxic waste product of burning beautiful clean coal for electricity. The ash is full of heavy metals like arsenic, lead and mercury, but don't worry, probably not too bad, maybe! Over the weekend Duke Energy reported that about 2,000 cubic yards of coal ash, the equivalent of about 140 dump truck loads, spilled out of a pond at an inactive power plant near Wilmington, North Carolina. An EPA official said the material spilled into a ditch that fed into another pond of water but did not reach the nearby Cape Fear River.Here's the eroded containment pit at the L.V. Sutton Power Station, with the plastic liner barely holding and crap leaking from the pit, in a photo from Waterkeepers Alliance: Waterkeepers also reports a volunteer monitor has found "multiple releases of coal ash from inundated ponds" at Duke's H.F. Lee plant near Goldsboro, North Carolina:"Today we investigated, documented and collected water samples from multiple ongoing, active coal ash spills from HF Lee facility where 1 million tons of coal ash is now completely underwater. Half-mile Branch creek and the Neuse River flood waters are actively eroding the dam between the ponds and all three ponds are washing coal ash into the Neuse River," said Donna Lisenby, Global Advocacy Manager for Waterkeeper Alliance. "Coal ash will continue spilling every minute of every day from the HF Lee coal ash ponds until flood waters recede sometime later this week."The alliance said the spill appeared far worse than another into the Neuse River following Hurricane Matthew in 2016. Duke's sloppy management of coal ash has been an ongoing slow-motion disaster for decades, so add another helping of toxic sludge to the pile.Donald Trump Saw A Boat! In A YARD! WOW!As if the state didn't have enough burdens, Donald Trump showed up yesterday in North Carolina where he attempted to do the "empathy" thing, and at least managed not to chuck any paper towels at anyone. But then he saw a great big sailboat that had come to rest in a guy's front lawn, and damned if he could think of anything else, because he is four years old. "Is this your boat? Or . . . did it become your boat?" Trump asked the man who lived in the house where the boat was now inadvertently and incongruously docked.No, it was not his boat, the homeowner replied, according to the pool report, which didn't identify residents by name.Trump returned his gaze to the vessel, which was white with brown accents and balanced at a precarious angle."At least you got a nice boat out of the deal," he said, with a smile.Trump simply couldn't stop thinking about the sailboat, because wow, a boat in a yard, you don't see that every day, do you? He asked the crowd of reporters, residents and handlers who were escorting him on his tour of the post-Florence wreckage, "That boat is wiped out, or not?""Boat looks like it's okay," came a response from the gaggle."Wouldn't want to cross the ocean in it," Trump replied. The crowd laughed. Gosh. Can you imagine it? A BOAT, motherfucker, a motherfuckin' BOAT!Shortly after, a reporter asked him for his thoughts on what he had seen thus far."I think it's incredible, I think it's incredible," Trump said. "To see what we're seeing — this boat, I don't know what happened, but this boat just came here. And do you know whose boat that is? They don't know whose boat that is."Trump is expected to appoint a blue ribbon commission from DHS to investigate the boat: Who owns it, how much it cost, where the boat was moored, did the boat have a nice interior, did people like the boat, will the boat still float, does the boat have a motor too, or just a sail, should the boat be in a parade, and could the boat come and live with him at the White House? Bet Barack Obama never had a boat like that. The boat wasn't Trump's only concern, however. He also asked, during a briefing by a local official, "How is Lake Norman doing?" The official assured Trump Lake Norman was okay. Trump was clearly concerned about how wet the lake was, seeing as how this hurricane was "one of the wettest we've ever seen from the standpoint of water." So, a very wet lake. Trump added, "I love that area," Trump responded, according to the pool account. "I can't tell you why, but I love that area."Observers were quick to note one possible explanation for the president's interest in the area: a Trump National Golf Club is located on the shores of Lake Norman.Gosh, that's a cynical take, that Trump would only be thinking about his property during a disaster. Maybe he just wanted to know if that boat he saw would float on Lake Norman. It looked like a really nice boat. Maybe a boat will wash up on Trump's lawn someday, you never know. Hey, I wonder if you could ride a pony on that boat? [ABC News / WPDE-TV / Raleigh News and Observer / WaPo]Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Give us money, please. For a boat. How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • Your Daily Reminder That President Wonder Pubes Is A Tragically, Mindfuckingly Stupid Man
    We have THREE WINNERS in our daily "Donald Trump is the stupidest person who ever fucking existed" contest! Yay! Failing Barack Obama never managed to be this stupid this many times in one week, WHAT A FAILURE! Bet he failed in all 57 states, HAW HAW HAW HAW!Let us briefly tack through them:WINNER!First up, there is the thing where he said that Hurricane Florence is a "tough hurricane, one of the wettest we've ever seen, from the standpoint of water." Yes, Mister President, VERY GOOD! If you're talking in terms of wetness, Hurricane Florence was pretty wet, like a Russian golden shower FROM GOD! Rub-a-dub-dub!Here, watch for yourself, in case you had never heard the #ScienceFact about water being wet: WINNER!Trump's next stupidest thing he ever said this week wasn't actually from this week, but was first reported this week by Spanish Foreign Minister Josep Borrell, who revealed that Donald Trump had a REALLY GOOD IDEA for how to fix the migrant crisis in Europe, and it is to BUILD A WALL ACROSS THE SAHARA DESERT.And the Mexicans will pay for it!OK we're lying about the Mexicans part, but we're sure President Good Brain thought it:Donald Trump suggested the Spanish government tackled the Mediterranean migration crisis by emulating one of his most famous policies and building a wall across the Sahara desert, the country's foreign minister has revealed.It gets stupider. Gonna need you to sit firmly in your chair and hold on to something sturdy, because it gets stupider.According to Josep Borrell, the US president brushed off the scepticism of Spanish diplomats – who pointed out that the Sahara stretched for 3,000 miles – saying: "The Sahara border can't be bigger than our border with Mexico."Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh my god CAN WE PLEASE PUT HIM IN A HOME NOW?Barring that, could we put him in a fucking library or something, and refuse to let President Wonder Pubes out until he can prove he's read a book? Because any 5th grade geography student could tell you Africa is like SUPER FUCKING HUGE. The Guardian explains some #GeographyFacts:A similar plan in the Sahara, however, would be complicated by the fact that Spain holds only two small enclaves in north Africa – Ceuta and Melilla – and such a wall would have to be built on foreign territory.Ceuta's border with Morocco is 6.4 kilometers long. Melilla's border is, similarly, like really non-YOOGE.The Sahara Desert, meanwhile, is almost 3,000 miles long (4,800 kilometers), whereas the Mexican border with the United States is just under 2,000 miles. But still good try, Mister President! Or the opposite of that!Borrell told this very funny story this week at a lunch event, and the foreign ministry has confirmed it, while the media is surmising that Trump probably said this very dumb shit when the king and queen of Spain came to visit the White House.CHICKEN DINNER!POP QUIZ: Why is Donald Trump ordering the declassification of all these documents related to the ONGOING RUSSIA INVESTIGATION, which would endanger national security all in the name of protecting his own ass? Well, first of all, we know it is for the "protecting his own ass" reason we just mentioned. And we know it's because he's being manipulated by shitholes like Mark Meadows and Devin Nunes in the House of Representatives. (Hit that link for the whole story, if you need to catch up.)But in the full transcript of that batshit crazy interview he did for The Hill, there is buried a nugget of information about who Trump really takes orders from. Please meet the real national security adviser and the real secretary of State and the real syphilis inside the president's brain (ALLEGEDLY) and their names are Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs and Jeanine Pirro. [I]t's been totally discredited. Even Democrats agree, that it's been discredited. They are not going to admit that, but it's been totally discredited. And I think frankly more so by text than by documents. I think the texts, not only theirs, many others. So honestly Buck, I have been asked by so many people that I respect, please — the great Lou Dobbs, the great Sean Hannity, the wonderful great Jeanie Pirro. (laughs)No, she takes it so personally. And that's not, let's say they like me. But this is beyond liking me. They know that this is one of the great scandals in the history of our country. Because basically what they did, is they used Carter Page who nobody even knew, who I feel very badly for, I think he has been treated very badly. They used Carter Page as a foil in order to surveil a candidate for the presidency of the United States.And that's part of why he is ordering that the FBI and DOJ declassify documents and possibly endanger secret informants' lives and other sources and methods. For real.Because VERY SMART PEOPLE, whom Trump literally thinks are the great minds of America -- pause for a second to realize how low your IQ would have to be to think those people had "great minds," and how many open flesh wounds you would have in your crotch from thinking your underpants might be a good place to store fireworks for safekeeping -- told him to. Wonder why The Hill didn't really want to publicize that quote too loudly. Seems like that's kind of newsy, no? That the president of the United States is literally operating not only as a puppet of Vladimir Putin, but that the hands of Hannity, Dobbs and Pirro are also up inside Trump's leaky ass, directing his every move.Be afraid, America. Be very fucking afraid.AND VOTE IN NOVEMBER, GODDAMMIT.[The Guardian / The Hill]Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Click if you want us to live FOREVER.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000
  • What The Fuck Is Wrong With Susan Collins?
    Well! Susan Collins is mighty put out with that Christine Blasey Ford, who refuses to accede to the Senate Judiciary Committee's demands and sit for a hearing RIGHT FUCKING NOW, before the FBI has even had a chance to investigate the matter of whether Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh tried to rape her 36 years ago. (Not that the Republicans want an investigation or anything. Why would you investigate a silly rape allegation from somebody who's probably just "mixed up," like Senator Orrin Hatch says? Pfffffffft!)Collins appeared on some Maine radio thingie on Wednesday, and luckily, journalists were listening, because we're not about to go looking for the audio: She just doesn't understand, bless her heart. (Psssssst, Senator Collins: There hasn't been an FBI investigation yet and Dr. Blasey Ford and her family have had to go into hiding because people who vote for your political party have been threatening and harassing and death threating her. There's two reasons we thought of real fast, guess because Wonkette is WAY FUCKING SMARTER than a common Maine GOP senator.)She added that the "the timing is certainly very unfortunate and I think unfair," we guess to the Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee and to Judge Maybe Rapey and to Donald Trump. Collins did express sympathy for Dr. Blasey Ford, in the context of criticizing Senator Dianne Feinstein for holding onto this information so long. It's not like Dr. Blasey Ford was hoping she could remain anonymous or anything, OH WAIT THAT'S RIGHT, SHE WAS HOPING THAT. Unfortunately, she had to change course on that when information about her anonymous letter started to leak. We also surmise that maybe Dr. Blasey Ford was hoping all the other available damning and disqualifying evidence against Kavanaugh would prevent people like Susan Collins, champion of women, from getting YET AGAIN rolled and voting to confirm that gross motherfucker to the court. Truly, Dr. Blasey Ford will know for future reference that Susan Collins is not very good at this and plan accordingly.Class, gather round, as we present the CliffsNotes version of What We Know Right Now about Brett Kavanaugh, in case Senator Susan Collins of Maine falls off a turnip truck into this blog post and decides to learn things for the first time in her entire life:ANY FUCKING MORON CAN TELL THE MAN WANTS TO REPEAL ROE V. WADE, which Susan Collins supposedly is sworn to protect, yet she continues to play "brand new" about this.Brett Kavanaugh has been credibly accused of trying to rape a girl when he was 17 and she was 15.Confronted with the accusation, Brett Kavanaugh pretended he never met that girl at that party he never went to in the first place, much like he pretended like he had never met a lawyer from Kasowitz, Benson and Torres under questioning from Senator Kamala Harris. It was revealed soon after that one of his oldest pals is a PARTNER there, at the firm he had never heard of and could not even pronounce! Brett Kavanaugh's accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, told her husband about the abuse.Blasey Ford also told her therapist about the abuse, in marriage counseling.Blasey Ford took a polygraph and passed. Brett Kavanaugh hasn't jumped at the opportunity to do the same.Blasey Ford's high school friends are starting to come forward to say they heard about this incident at the time.The only other witness to the event claims he has no recollection of the incident, which is reasonable since he's chronicled his alcohol abuse at that time in his life and the fact that he was often blackout drunk, in books.Donald Trump and the GOP and Bart O'Kavanaugh don't want an investigation into this. The Democrats and Christine Blasey Ford do. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU ABOUT WHO IS PROBABLY LYING HERE?Brett Kavanaugh, as we learned in the confirmation hearings, has been shown to be a man who's not afraid to lie under oath. Why would he tell the truth about this? And why would he tell the truth once he's under oath?Susan Collins should fucking know better. Any goddamned idiot can look at the facts we have right now and say, "Know what? Let's back up. Let's have that investigation. Let's not pressure Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, whose family is being threatened right now, into showing up for a hearing like FIVE FUCKING MINUTES FROM NOW, just because a bunch of shit-eating misogynistic Republicans like Chuck Grassley and Lindsey Graham insist that based on their very busy schedule, which they just made up right now, they MUST do a hearing on Monday, so they can go ahead and vote a possible rapist onto the Supreme Court. We should take the time to get this right."ANY. GODDAMNED. IDIOT.Except Susan Collins, we guess. We guess that particular goddamned idiot is dumber than a common Donald Trump, or she just doesn't care about women as much as she says she does.Please send this Wonkette post to Susan Collins and tell her to do the right thing for the first time in her goddamned life, and remind her that people are still raising money for her 2020 opponent. And if she calls that a "bribe" again, please correct her and explain that it is more properly understood as a THREAT. Oh, and tell her to tell her GOP colleagues that if we out here in US America can see that they're bluffing about how they want Christine Blasey Ford to show up to this hearing on Monday SO BAD, and that they really really REALLY don't want that to happen, Christine Blasey Ford can see it too. And she just might call their bluff.Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!Wonkette is the ONLY NEWS ON THE INTERNET. Click if you want us to live FOREVER.How often would you like to donate? Just once Monthly Select an amount (USD)$2$25$5$50$10$100$15$500$20$1000

New Civil Rights Movement: news and opinion focused on issues that affect the LGBTQ community

Scholars and Rogues: a diverse band of political and social analysts, activists, jesters, and troublemakers

Climate Denial Crock of the Week: Peter Sinclair, a long time advocate of environmental awareness and energy alternatives

  • Climate Messaging 101
    Connect on Shared values. Advertisements
  • Florence and the 5 Stages of Climate Change Acceptance
    Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists: Now that we’ve gotten through Hurricane Florence, Americans should be completely up to speed when it comes to dealing with disasters that have been amplified by anthropogenic climate change, right? Not so fast. Judging from the various news stories in the past year—since Hurricane Irma devastated the Caribbean and the […]
  • Accused Abortion Smoothie Monster Jason Miller on Trump and Climate
    Skip to 4:11 if rushed. Trump spokesman recently named in court documents “of slipping an abortion pill into his pregnant girlfriend’s smoothie”. (is there anyone that doubts this?) Climate denier, natch.
  • Al Gore on Florence, Democracy and Denial
    Conservative’s pathological hatred of Al Gore is based on the deep seated recognition that George Bush, who was handed the Presidency with a minority vote, (due to a Supreme Court judges his Father had appointed)  was, until recently, the worst President ever. The only psychological resolution for them is that Al Gore has to be […]
  • Water from Wasteland in Texas Hill Country
    Continuing the theme of bioremediation.
  • Be a Coal Miner!
    Public Service spot from the UK, 1975. Back when coal mining was glamorous, I guess. GOP is dusting this off to recruit millennials to , I guess.
  • Renewables Help Communities Weather Hurricanes
    Quartz People of the Carolinas are picking up the pieces after Hurricane Florence, the wettest tropical cyclone on record. Among the news of dozens of deaths, overflowing pig-manure lagoons, and flooded coal-ash fields, there are some bright spots. Solar-power installations were largely able to escape without harm. Before the storm hit, Duke Energy’s 40 solar-power […]
  • Rethinking Cooling – In a Warming World
    Above, new approaches to air conditioning – an emerging major energy suck. Below, Chicago’s district cooling technology – here today.
  • Florence Waters, and Fears, Still Rising,
    Washington Post: Floodwaters breached a dam near a Duke Energy power plant on Friday, the company said, raising fears that toxic coal ash could reach the nearby Cape Fear River. The rising waters also swamped a 625-megawatt natural gas plant near the site, forcing it to shut down, the company said. Fears about the situation […]
  • More Evidence: East Antarctica a Sleeping Giant
    Nature: Understanding ice sheet behaviour in the geological past is essential for evaluating the role of the cryosphere in the climate system and for projecting rates and magnitudes of sea level rise in future warming scenarios. Although both geological data and ice sheet models indicate that marine-based sectors of the East Antarctic Ice Sheet were […]

 

Title image: Bizarro, by Dan Piraro.

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